Transcript
WEBVTT
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what's up, guys?
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Welcome to demo with mo.
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I'm your host, monique simmons.
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We'll be discussing dating, engaged and married objectives from a young christian's perspective.
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Are you guys ready?
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Let's dive in.
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Hey, what's up, guys?
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Welcome to a new episode of demo with mo.
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I am your host, monique simmons.
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We are kicking off season seven, episode one.
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Welcome back, welcome back.
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I am so excited to be back from our season break.
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I have missed you guys.
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I have thoroughly missed you guys, but I have also enjoyed the break.
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You guys, I hope you are as excited about this new season as I am.
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There are going to be so many things happening in this new season, so many things that are going to be unfolding.
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But I'm not going to spoil it for you.
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I am not going to spoil it for you.
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I just want you to know it's been three months since I've been here with you guys and I've been doing a lot of self-work on this podcast, on myself in my personal life.
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I'm personally excited.
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I'm just excited.
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I'm really excited and again, I don't want to spoil anything.
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I don't want to share too much, but I am on a journey personally and I'm going to be sharing that journey with you guys.
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So I'm just excited for season seven.
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I'm excited for every season and I hope that is portrayed each season.
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I hope each season gets better.
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I hope you hear it, notice it, feel it coming through the microphone.
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I really hope it comes across, but every season I'm excited.
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So I hope you guys ready for this ride.
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I really just hope you guys are ready for this ride.
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As always, we're going to go ahead and get this business out the way and we're going to go ahead and jump into the episode.
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I'm not going to hold you.
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I'm not going to hold you.
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I'm just so freaking excited because I've missed you guys so much.
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I've missed you guys so much.
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We've been doing a lot in the podcast community, our relationship group.
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If you are not over there with us, come join us Dating, engaged and Married Objectives over there on Facebook.
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Come join us right now.
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Stop what you're doing, pause this, pause it.
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Come join us right now and I know everybody's not on Facebook.
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My kids like to call it that's the old people's social media platform.
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I don't care what they say, whatever.
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If you're on Facebook, stop what you're doing.
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Head on over there right now, search dating, engaged and married objectives and join us in that Facebook community.
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It's going to ask you three questions.
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Answer those questions.
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You'll be automatically accepted into the group.
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Come on over there.
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We have a great time talking about all things relationships, everything.
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Nothing is off the table.
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We literally talk about everything.
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We have different topics, different subjects each day and we dive in.
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We dive in and, if you are local in Mississippi, we have outings every month.
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We have a date night once a month and every few months or so often we have family outings where the children and your kids are involved.
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So come on over there and join us, where we have a great time each and every day.
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I would love to have you be a part of that community.
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If you are not following me on TikTok and Facebook, you can find me at Demo with Mo and on Instagram at Demo with Mo Podcast.
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I am on all of those platforms, so if you're not following me already, come join me If you are already following me on any of those platforms.
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So if you're not following me already, come join me If you are already following me on any of those platforms.
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Thank you, I appreciate your support and, as always, thank you guys.
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I really do appreciate you guys, because you could literally be anywhere listening to anybody, but you're listening to little old me, you're supporting me, you're here.
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So thank you.
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And last thing, wherever you listen to podcasts, if you could take a moment to rate, review and subscribe.
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When you rate and review, it helps others find this podcast, it makes it easier for them to find this podcast and if you subscribe, you'll get notifications when new podcast episodes come out and you won't miss those.
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So thank you.
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That's the business.
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We got the business out the way.
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Now let's go ahead and dive into this new episode, boop.
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Now let's go ahead and dive into this new episode.
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Today we're going to be talking about what is a support system, or for some of us, we call it a village.
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You know, takes a village and is it important in healthy relationships, like having a support system or a village?
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Is it important in healthy relationships?
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So for you to have a healthy relationship with your partner or your spouse, do you guys need a support system?
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Do you need a village?
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Does it even matter?
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Or can you guys stand on the island alone?
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Can it just be the two of you and some of you guys who listen to this podcast, who follow this podcast, who listen to this podcast, who follow this podcast?
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Everyone who listens is not in a relationship or currently married.
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Some of you guys are dating, some of you are in your single life, but for those of you who are in a relationship, is this is a support system or village important to having a healthy relationship?
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Or, for those of you who are in your single season right now, who are enjoying your single season right now this episode I don't want you guys to be like, okay, this episode is not for me.
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This episode is also important for you because even in your singleness is a support system and is a village important for you as well.
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So let's go ahead and jump into this.
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What is a support system?
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What is a village?
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Important for you as well?
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So let's go ahead and jump into this.
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What is a support system?
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What is a village?
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What?
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Even?
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What is this?
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What are you talking about?
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Because for some, some people don't have a support system, some people don't have a village.
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What is this?
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You speak of Monique.
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What is that?
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So Merriam-Webster says a network of people who provide someone with practical or emotional support.
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Having a support system means having people to rely on when you need them and vice versa, because a support system or a village per se is not just a one-sided thing.
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They don't want.
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They don't only support you or you don't only rely on them.
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They also should be able to rely on you, and they should be able to.
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You should be also.
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You should also be offering them support as well.
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This should be a vice versa, two-way street relationship.
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You should be offering them support, they should be able to rely on you and they should be offering you support, and they should be able.
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You should be able to rely on them as well.
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Okay, so now that we've talked about what a support system is, how do you now build this support system?
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Okay, so we know what a support system is.
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We know what a village is or what the definition is.
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How do we now build this support system?
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Because if you're on social media, if you're not in the dark, if you have any type of phone or around any type of people, I'm sure you've heard the saying it takes a village.
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I'm sure you've heard this somewhere.
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I'm sure you've seen it plastered somewhere on somebody's social media platform.
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Somebody has shared this, quoted this.
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You've heard it from a grandmother's mouth.
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You've heard it in the church.
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You've heard this, seen this, probably said it yourself it takes a village I'm sure you've heard it or said it or seen it some form of fashion.
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But how do you build this?
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Because everyone doesn't have this, as we've already stated.
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How do you build this?
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Because this just does not happen on its own.
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It doesn't happen overnight happen overnight.
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It's just not given to you.
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This is created, you invest in this, this is made.
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But how do you build this support system, or build this village or this community of people around you who you're able to rely on and they're able to rely on you?
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How do you build a support system?
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So we're going to give a few practical ways and, as always, when I do these podcast episodes, even though I can formulate my own thoughts and my own opinions and what I think, which, if you listen to podcasts and see these TikTok videos and Instagram reels and all of these things, you see people doing all the time spewing their opinions and thoughts and feelings I try my best to steer away from that, even though I share my thoughts and opinions, along with research and data that I find that's kind of what I try to lean towards.
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So I did some research and I tried to see, like what did the research tell me?
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What did studies show?
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What did they kind of?
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What was the commonalities?
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That's kind of what I try to stick towards.
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What was the common theme when I was doing the research?
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What was the common thing that people kind of stuck towards?
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And these were the things that I found.
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One look at your current friend groups, family relationships and social circles.
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So, based on what you already have in your life right now, I want you to take a moment and this is practical application Okay.
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So I want you to take a moment.
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Look at the people in your life right now.
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So you're doing this with me right now.
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Okay, so you're listening to me and imagine if you and I, you and my girlfriend or you were my guy friend, you were my cousin, brother, sister, whatever we have a relationship.
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I want you to take a moment as if we were sitting down at a table in a restaurant, coffee shop.
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Okay, we're sitting there having a conversation and we're actually walking through this, right now, practical application.
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So I want you to take a look and think about the people in your life right now, okay, your current friend groups, your current friends you have right now, and you know our friends, our friendships can look different.
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You may have people that you have those deep, intimate, close relationships, but you also can have those on the surface friend groups.
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You know those people that you might just do lunch or dinner with, those people you might go to do karaoke with and hang out for fun times or go shopping with, but it's none deeper than that.
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So I want you to think about those different types of friend groups.
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Think about your social circles.
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Maybe the people that you have, like you may be in a sorority or you may play basketball with, or you know just the different social circles.
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Like you guys may not be friends, friends, but you socially hang out together, you do social things together.
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Okay, your family relationships, cousins, in-laws, different relatives, like those family relationships.
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Okay, think about those different people in your life right now.
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Okay, so you have some names.
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I'm sure you thought of some people by now because I gave you a little time to think about it.
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Okay, are there any people who stand out to you, who are supportive, show up for others, positive, good spirit, great qualities, like, out of all those people that you think about, do any of those people stand out to you?
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They have really great qualities.
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Okay, I gave you a second to think about it and if you could say yes for any of those people, consider those people possibly being a part of your support system.
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Okay, so we're going to leave it right there and we're going to go to the next point, okay, two, be open to asking for help, not being prideful and accepting the help.
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Now, number two is a great point, because a lot of times we don't have the support system or this village that we're looking for, because a lot of times we get in the way Because, again, remember when I told you what a support system is it's having people that we can rely on and, vice versa, they can rely on us as well, but we can't get to the place where we can rely on people if we never ask for help and we don't accept help, because we can't get to the place if knowing we can rely on them, if we never act for help.
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I had a conversation with a girlfriend and this conversation it was actually it's very rare because everyone and I'm gonna speak not everyone in life, but every one of my girlfriends in my life and it's because all of my girlfriends now I have at least 10 years of friendship built in with them.
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This again goes back to that investment that I told you about in the beginning.
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That's investment I've invested in my friendships.
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But one of my girlfriends she had an emergency come up, something happened and she wanted to call me and she came up with every reason of why not to call me and we talked about this and I had no idea about it at the time.
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But we talked about this and I had no idea about it at the time.
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But we talked about it later and she gave me all of the reasons.
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But it all boiled down to she didn't want to be a bother.
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She didn't want to bother me and it wasn't because of me, it was because of her own her own things going on in her own head and assumptions that she was making.
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And this goes back to point number two being open to asking for help, not being prideful and accepting the help.
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Sometimes we get in our own ways and after our conversation, she and I, I told her for now on, I don't care what it is If it's an emergency, because I understand, I know what it's like and I've been the same way in in in the past before.
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I've had my own experience, especially when I was younger, not wanting to ask for help, not wanting to seem weak, not wanting to look a certain way to certain people.
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I empathize because I understand, I totally understand.
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But I told her because I know about the thoughts that can go on in your head about what others may think or you know, I just know.
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But I told her I wanted her to hear out my own mouth so she wouldn't have any assumptions going forth.
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I don't care what it is, what time it is, where I am, I don't care.
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If it is an emergency and you need me, you call me.
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I can either say yes or no.
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But I don't ever want an assumption to be made about you.
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Don't want to be a bother or you don't think anything.
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I just don't want there to be any assumptions because I want to be.
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I'm saying out of my own mouth if there's ever a time that you need me, I'm going to be there.
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If I'm available, I am going to be there.
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And it cleared everything up because she didn't have to assume anymore.
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Monique said out of her own mouth if there is ever an emergency, she's going to be there.
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So for point two, you have to be open to asking for help and accepting the help when the help is offered, because this is going to help you build your support system, because now you're going to realize that person, you can rely on them and they can rely on you.
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Point three your current hobbies.
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Or, if you've been interested in trying some new ones with your partner or spouse, you guys could check out some local spots and meet some new couples who have the same interests.
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This is also a great way to build support systems because people that you are in relationship with friends, your village, it's great to be around people who have the same interests as you, who have commonalities, same commonalities with you.
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And when you go into these spaces with people who share those interests with you, it's easier to connect with people that have those common bonds with you.
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It's easier to meet people who share those interests with you.
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So that's a great way to connect with those people.
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And that don't mean you guys are always going to hit it off, that don't mean it's always going to be your people, but that's a great way to connect with new people, meeting people who share the same interests as you, as you and your partner.
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Four, you can also join groups or communities like mine.
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Like when I opened the episode, I told you guys about my relationship community on Facebook dating, engaging, married objectives.
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When you join groups like that, groups and communities like that, you know that the people who are in this group, in this community, are usually like-minded people.
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Because of the niche it's a relationship group.
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That means the people are in this group, are either in a relationship or married, or they're interested in being in a relationship or interested in getting married.
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You know this because that's the niche of this group.
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They're like-minded people and when you're in a group like this, it's usually on a smaller scale.
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So you have the opportunity.
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People are posting in this group, they're commenting on the different posts.
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You get to know each other a little better.
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So it kind of helps you weave out.
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That's probably not a couple we may want to get to know on a more intimate level.
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Oh, they have small kids, like us.
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Oh, they go to church.
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Oh, they're Christians.
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Oh, they like to travel a lot.
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Oh, they're foodies like us.
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Oh, they have a big family.
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Oh, they don't have kids.
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Oh, they're retired.
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You get to see different things about different people and you kind of find out these may be the people that are more like us, more like-minded like us, have more interests like us.
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Their family looks like ours.
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They may you know, this may be the couple that we may need to connect with or not, that we may need to steer away from this couple.
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Nothing against them, but we're a retired, older couple who are empty nesters.
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This is a young couple, newly married, with little kids.
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We're probably not the couple that they're going to want to link with Nothing wrong with them but this is probably not going to be best fit for us right now, where they are and where we are.
00:21:23.939 --> 00:21:37.404
You know, we're more like mentors, somebody for them to look up to, maybe learn something from, but we're not the couples they're going to want to hang out with, vacation with, get dinners with on the weekend.
00:21:37.404 --> 00:21:42.518
You know that's probably not going to be the best couple for us to connect with.
00:21:42.518 --> 00:21:44.580
So, yeah, okay.
00:21:46.443 --> 00:21:53.759
So now we talked about what a support system or village is, how to build a support system.
00:21:53.759 --> 00:21:59.347
Now, what is the importance of a support system or a village?
00:21:59.347 --> 00:22:15.288
Okay, so you guys, when I was doing the research on this, everything I looked at these are the top five things I found.
00:22:15.288 --> 00:22:32.356
It is so interesting to me because these are things that I found in my own support system, just being totally honest.
00:22:32.356 --> 00:22:34.545
These are things that I find in my own support system, just being totally honest.
00:22:34.545 --> 00:22:37.756
These are things that I find in my own support system.
00:22:37.756 --> 00:22:48.434
So I know it is just, it's so validating and it's so true and I wish everyone could have this.
00:22:48.536 --> 00:22:57.961
I've had this conversation with my husband multiple times, because I tell him all the time I really wish so many people and I've had this conversation with my girlfriends.
00:22:57.961 --> 00:23:08.284
If you guys have been rocking with Demo, with Mo, for a long time, because, as you can see, we're on season seven right now, so we've been rocking a little bit, we've been rocking with it a little bit.
00:23:08.284 --> 00:23:21.067
So for my faithful and I don't even want to just say faithful, because to say if you just came along does not mean you're not faithful but for those who have been rocking with me since the very beginning, first of all, thank you.
00:23:21.067 --> 00:23:28.974
But for those of you who've been rocking with me since the very beginning, you know that I call my girlfriends my very closest girlfriends.
00:23:28.974 --> 00:23:43.722
I call us the group chat, because that's how we communicate all the time, because that's how we communicate all the time, but I talked about this to my husband and to the group chat all the time.
00:23:43.742 --> 00:24:33.827
I don't take for granted the group chat, because I wish that everyone had what we have and what we've been able to cultivate with one another and what we've been able to sustain all these years and again, this has been 10 plus years and we've been able to sustain this and it's not common for a group of women to sustain a relationship the way we've had for all these years and the things that I'm going to talk about, the points of what's the importance of a support system I've been able to find with this group of women and it's just dope, it's just beautiful and I wish everyone could have this.
00:24:33.827 --> 00:24:42.035
It benefits Cause I told you guys when we first started out this what is a support system and is it important in healthy relationships?
00:24:42.035 --> 00:24:53.085
Because I've been with my husband since I was 17 and I'm 35 now, so that's almost 20 years, which is absolutely mind-blowing.
00:24:53.085 --> 00:25:26.734
But what I've been able to get from my support system in my village, it has tremendously blessed my marriage and that's why I even did this episode, because recently my girlfriends two of my girlfriends who live out of town again, if you guys have been rocking with Demo and Mo.
00:25:26.734 --> 00:25:32.667
You guys know that all of my girlfriends who are part of the group chat moved out of state.
00:25:32.667 --> 00:25:35.548
Everyone is kind of all over the United States and only one of my girlfriends from the group chat still out of state.
