Uncovering Truths: A Journey of Paternity and Healing

WEBVTT

00:00:06.549 --> 00:00:07.391
what's up, guys?

00:00:07.391 --> 00:00:09.294
Welcome to demo with mo.

00:00:09.294 --> 00:00:11.377
I'm your host, monique simmons.

00:00:11.377 --> 00:00:16.989
We'll be discussing dating, engaged and married objectives from a young christian's perspective.

00:00:16.989 --> 00:00:18.393
Are you guys ready?

00:00:18.393 --> 00:00:19.841
Let's dive in.

00:00:19.841 --> 00:00:25.809
Hey, what's up, guys?

00:00:25.809 --> 00:00:28.272
Welcome to a new episode of Demo with Mo.

00:00:28.272 --> 00:00:35.131
I am your host, monique Simmons, and today is the season's finale for season seven.

00:00:35.572 --> 00:00:40.884
Today's episode is going to be a little different, a little different from what we usually do.

00:00:40.884 --> 00:00:47.753
I have invited a friend to join me, mrs Ashley Jenkins.

00:00:47.753 --> 00:00:53.847
She is a therapist with 10 plus years of experience in the field of social work.

00:00:53.847 --> 00:00:59.722
She refers to herself as your neighborhood's hope dealer Girl.

00:00:59.722 --> 00:01:00.905
I love that so much.

00:01:00.905 --> 00:01:03.448
I love it, I love it, I love it.

00:01:03.448 --> 00:01:07.334
She is a mom, wife and a great friend.

00:01:07.334 --> 00:01:11.385
I'm proud to hand the host seat over to her today.

00:01:11.826 --> 00:01:16.495
Welcome, ashley, or as I call her, ash.

00:01:16.495 --> 00:01:20.147
So I am handing this thing over to you.

00:01:20.147 --> 00:01:23.301
That's why I told you guys we're doing this thing a little different.

00:01:23.301 --> 00:01:23.641
Today.

00:01:23.641 --> 00:01:37.007
I am going to hop on over to the seat of the person being interviewed and Miss Ashley is going to be the host, and before we switch things over a little bit, I'm going to let y'all know.

00:01:37.007 --> 00:01:42.594
Today is going to be a little transparent for me, a little vulnerable for me.

00:01:42.594 --> 00:01:45.147
Today's going to be a little sensitive for me.

00:01:45.147 --> 00:01:46.742
I just want to go ahead and say that.

00:01:46.742 --> 00:01:48.367
But, ashley, welcome.

00:01:48.367 --> 00:01:50.772
Thank you so much for agreeing to do this today.

00:01:51.359 --> 00:01:54.447
No problem, thank you for having me.

00:01:54.447 --> 00:02:06.531
I am just honored that I know this is your baby, so I'm honored that you allowed me to come in and be the one to interview you, to come in and be the one to interview you, especially on such a topic as this.

00:02:06.531 --> 00:02:11.036
So I'm just going to tell a little bit about Mo.

00:02:11.036 --> 00:02:21.360
I mean, I know most of you know her from being here on her podcast and listening, but Mo is a Christian wife, mom and podcast host.

00:02:21.360 --> 00:02:25.367
She's worked over 15 years in the healthcare field.

00:02:25.367 --> 00:02:29.282
She has been married to her husband, corey, 14 years.

00:02:29.282 --> 00:02:34.252
They have three children, ages 16, 13, and four.

00:02:34.252 --> 00:02:41.911
She loves traveling, dancing, trying new restaurants, reading books and listening to podcasts.

00:02:41.911 --> 00:02:49.283
She teaches Sunday school and leads the couples ministry alongside her husband at their church.

00:02:49.945 --> 00:03:06.901
She started this podcast to give a space for people who have a desire to do relationships well and to hear authentic conversations about the struggles we all face, the things she wished she would have known in early years of her relationship.

00:03:06.901 --> 00:03:14.162
Simply put, she loves God and loves people, and I can say that that last part is definitely true.

00:03:14.162 --> 00:03:16.425
Mo is a great friend of mine.

00:03:16.425 --> 00:03:22.223
We met on Facebook but we connected and I'm just so excited to be here today.

00:03:22.223 --> 00:03:28.100
She's motivated me even to want to start my own podcast and do something.

00:03:28.181 --> 00:03:37.169
So putting me in the seat of an interviewer and letting this be like using her platform even to get that launched and started, I just really appreciate you.

00:03:37.169 --> 00:03:47.122
So I'm going to dive right into the discussion today and, as she already told you all, it's a very candid conversation and topic we're going to have today.

00:03:47.122 --> 00:04:12.757
So today's topic is about Mo and how she found out that her father is not her biological father, and so I have a few questions that tell me what made you want to, you know, actually tell your listeners about this topic.

00:04:12.757 --> 00:04:14.225
Why did you pick this topic?

00:04:16.480 --> 00:04:27.033
To be perfectly honest, this is not something that I really wanted to talk about.

00:04:27.033 --> 00:04:36.711
To be perfectly honest, you know me personally, so you know this is not something that I just go around talking about.

00:04:36.711 --> 00:04:40.110
I just recently shared this with you.

00:04:40.110 --> 00:04:48.845
This is not something that I even share or have a lot of conversations with privately with people in my life.

00:04:48.845 --> 00:05:00.714
So this is not something that I'm just comfortable having conversations with privately, let alone on such a public platform.

00:05:00.714 --> 00:05:05.408
But I feel like this is something that God has been leading me to talk about.

00:05:06.000 --> 00:05:12.333
But I wanted to get things in order in my private life before I talked about them publicly.

00:05:12.333 --> 00:05:29.677
I think sometimes people can share things from a hurt place or a place of resentment or bitterness, and sometimes it's from a place to hurt other people.

00:05:29.677 --> 00:05:31.403
I never wanted that.

00:05:31.403 --> 00:05:38.161
You know how I feel about and my listeners know how I feel about sharing things in my podcast.

00:05:38.161 --> 00:05:39.624
I never give names.

00:05:39.624 --> 00:05:41.925
I never try to hurt anyone.

00:05:41.925 --> 00:05:45.007
That's not what my podcast is about.

00:05:45.007 --> 00:05:46.709
It's never from that place.

00:05:47.449 --> 00:06:01.394
Once I got things in order in my private life meaning I had the conversation with my husband, I had the conversation with my children, I talked to my mom, I talked to my dad.

00:06:01.394 --> 00:06:02.100
I went all in those steps.

00:06:02.100 --> 00:06:09.404
I got things in order there, whether no matter how those relationships have worked out, but I got.

00:06:09.404 --> 00:06:11.028
I got things in order there.

00:06:11.028 --> 00:06:11.548
First.

00:06:11.548 --> 00:06:17.869
I made sure there was no unforgiveness, I made sure that I was good.

00:06:17.869 --> 00:06:22.024
You know, I made sure all of those things was right in my private life first.

00:06:22.024 --> 00:06:34.598
Then I could come here because I knew my story would be able to help somebody else, and that's always what my podcast has been about Since I started this podcast.

00:06:34.939 --> 00:06:43.927
That was the reason for starting this podcast for this space to be able to help others, to let people know that they're not alone.

00:06:43.927 --> 00:06:56.886
It was started in bird from relationships and marriages, but even the things that come from our family of origin, our childhood and from that place.

00:06:56.886 --> 00:07:00.012
That stuff affects our relationships and our marriages.

00:07:00.012 --> 00:07:13.399
If we don't deal with those things, we bring that along with us in our relationships, in our marriages, and I learned all that in therapy and I did the work in therapy and it helps my marriage.

00:07:13.560 --> 00:07:22.367
And I want other people, my listeners, the people who hear my podcast, people who follow me, who listen to me each week I want them to know that as well.

00:07:22.367 --> 00:07:24.531
I can't only give them parts of me.

00:07:24.531 --> 00:07:29.305
I can't only tell them the part that I like to tell them, that I want to tell them.

00:07:29.305 --> 00:07:35.386
I got to be able to give them all of it, to show them you're not alone.

00:07:35.386 --> 00:07:39.673
You know, the same way I'm telling you you should do the work.

00:07:39.673 --> 00:07:44.427
I'm over here doing the work too, but how am I doing the work, you know.

00:07:44.427 --> 00:07:50.894
So that was the reason of why I wanted to to finally share this and say this.

00:07:50.894 --> 00:07:59.831
But again, I wanted to make sure I got my stuff in order privately first, because I don't get on here and portray to be something that I'm not.

00:07:59.831 --> 00:08:03.750
I'm actually living it before I get on here and talk about it.

00:08:05.581 --> 00:08:06.826
And I think that's important.

00:08:06.826 --> 00:08:22.379
It's like you know, of course, you're always transparent, but something you said is like the living, it, you know, not getting on here because, oh, I found a hot topic, it's going to get me views, it's going to get me listens.

00:08:22.379 --> 00:08:25.095
But really I went through this.

00:08:25.095 --> 00:08:31.610
I might be still healing or I'm healed from it and now I can help you to get to where I am.

00:08:31.610 --> 00:08:43.323
So I just commend you on picking such a hard topic to discuss, you know, and to share, because it really is something that is.

00:08:43.323 --> 00:08:46.312
It's difficult, you know, to be so vulnerable.

00:08:46.312 --> 00:08:49.870
So, yeah, I definitely commend you for that.

00:08:51.139 --> 00:08:53.889
Very, and I'm not healed at all.

00:08:53.889 --> 00:08:55.947
As you said, I am still healing.

00:08:55.947 --> 00:09:06.212
This is still fresh and this is still new and I'm doing the work, but the Bible tells us that we overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony.

00:09:06.374 --> 00:09:15.062
You know, we like the word, we like the blood of the lamb, we like Jesus to do his part, but what about the word of our testimony?

00:09:15.062 --> 00:09:16.567
What about that part?

00:09:16.567 --> 00:09:21.904
What about the part that we have to do, the part of sharing, the part of talking?

00:09:21.904 --> 00:09:27.644
So many of us, as Christians, are silent and we're in shame and we don't want to say anything.

00:09:27.644 --> 00:09:32.240
And we, we don't want to talk about the hard parts and the things we're suffering through.

00:09:32.240 --> 00:09:37.740
And you know that's how we overcome, though you know the enemy wants us to keep silent.

00:09:37.740 --> 00:09:39.104
He don't want us to share.

00:09:39.104 --> 00:09:44.110
He would love nothing more for us to keep all of those things inside, and we don't.

00:09:44.110 --> 00:09:46.020
We don't want anybody to know.

00:09:46.020 --> 00:09:47.504
But that's how we overcome.

00:09:47.504 --> 00:09:48.345
We're over.

00:09:48.345 --> 00:09:50.629
We overcome by our words.

00:09:51.070 --> 00:09:53.495
So yes, that's good.

00:09:53.495 --> 00:10:02.643
Well, my first question that I have for you is I guess I want to start with your relationship with your father.

00:10:02.643 --> 00:10:05.532
Like what was that like in childhood?

00:10:05.532 --> 00:10:10.808
You know, prior to knowing all this, what was it like, you and your father?

00:10:12.760 --> 00:10:14.769
So my dad and I was very close.

00:10:14.769 --> 00:10:21.471
I was a daddy's girl and that has been the most difficult part.

00:10:21.471 --> 00:10:33.779
That has been what I've had to do the most work in therapy with, because that has been the part that I've had to grieve the most and this is what I've had to talk through with my therapist the most.

00:10:33.779 --> 00:10:40.974
Usually, girls are trying to work through not having a dad in their life.

00:10:40.974 --> 00:10:56.905
I'm now an adult trying to work through having such a close relationship with my dad to now having to grieve that that has been taken away, that I don't have that anymore, and that's the part that I struggle with the most.

00:10:56.905 --> 00:11:01.624
I had a very close relationship with my dad up until I was an adult.

00:11:01.624 --> 00:11:03.168
We were always close.

00:11:03.849 --> 00:11:05.211
What are some of your favorite memories?

00:11:05.293 --> 00:11:11.332
Widow, One of my favorite memories is him teaching me how to drive.

00:11:11.332 --> 00:11:16.171
My dad taught me how to drive when I was 11.

00:11:16.171 --> 00:11:19.320
And that's something that we always did together.

00:11:19.320 --> 00:11:21.869
It wasn't like a one-time thing.

00:11:21.869 --> 00:11:24.850
He would consistently always drive with me.

00:11:24.850 --> 00:11:40.046
He always took care of my car, things Like whenever and that's why, still to this day, my husband has taken it on now, but I don't like doing anything with my car, like putting gas in it or doing anything with oil or anything with my car.

00:11:40.046 --> 00:11:44.351
My dad took care of all this stuff with me, took care of all this stuff for me.

00:11:44.351 --> 00:11:50.850
So, like anything um with my car, like any of that stuff, he, he did all of that.

00:11:50.850 --> 00:11:54.022
You know he would teach me how to do it, but I didn't.

00:11:54.022 --> 00:11:54.825
I didn't do it.

00:11:54.825 --> 00:11:57.614
You didn't want to do none of that?

00:11:57.634 --> 00:11:58.977
no, you had dad to do it.

00:11:58.977 --> 00:12:06.193
I wonder if that's why you like traveling so much, driving road trips I love driving and it definitely came from my dad.

00:12:06.701 --> 00:12:09.145
It definitely came from my dad okay.

00:12:09.586 --> 00:12:22.770
So basically, what you're saying is like you all were close in childhood, but now, as an adult, now that things have transpired, the relationship has shifted, it's changed, and you are grieving the loss of that.

00:12:22.770 --> 00:12:28.886
And I think that's so important that you brought that up, because grief is not always of a dead person.

00:12:28.886 --> 00:12:41.764
Grief can be the loss of anything you know, a relationship, a loss of just something that you're used to doing or used to having, and if it's not there anymore, you grieve it.

00:12:41.764 --> 00:12:45.971
You know it is a process, you know.

00:12:45.971 --> 00:12:55.773
So I want to ask you when, when did you find out that your father was not your biological father?

00:12:55.773 --> 00:12:56.634
At what age?

00:12:57.299 --> 00:13:03.148
Okay, so this is a two-parter between the age of 19 and 20.

00:13:04.229 --> 00:13:23.075
My mom told my dad and I and I so throughout this episode you are going to hear and I'm saying this to you, but I'm saying this to the listeners You're going to hear me refer to him as my dad because to me, he will always be my dad, absolutely, period.

00:13:23.139 --> 00:13:31.215
He'll always be my dad, no matter what anyone else says, whatever DNA test says, he'll always be my dad, absolutely.

00:13:31.215 --> 00:13:40.414
But between 19 and 20, my mom came and told he and I that he may not be my biological dad.

00:13:40.414 --> 00:13:47.720
That's what she came and told he and I, and at this time, my dad and my mom was separated.

00:13:47.720 --> 00:13:51.668
They were no longer together, getting ready to be divorced.

00:13:51.668 --> 00:14:02.701
But she came to his home where I was living at the time I had just had my son, my oldest son, and she told him that he may not be my biological father.

00:14:02.701 --> 00:14:15.448
Okay, so that's where it all begun, and I'm also saying this because I don't want people to hear this and think like this just happened, like yesterday, and now I'm on a podcast sharing this.

00:14:15.448 --> 00:14:22.467
This has been a 16 year long journey that I've been dealing with and I'm finally talking about it.

00:14:22.600 --> 00:14:24.506
So this is not something that just happened.

00:14:24.506 --> 00:14:32.751
This is not new, so that's where it all began but were there any indications before she told you?

00:14:32.972 --> 00:14:34.294
any ideas at all?

00:14:34.580 --> 00:14:49.267
none okay, and what's funny is and I've never said this to them, but I've I've said this to my therapy my whole life, because my brother and I just my brother and I are five years apart His entire life.

00:14:49.267 --> 00:14:55.284
As long as I can remember I would jokingly say to him all the time you're adopted.

00:14:55.284 --> 00:15:04.349
I would say this to him all the time and my you know my mom would never say anything Like I was just jokingly say you, you're adopted.

00:15:04.349 --> 00:15:06.433
You know you don't look like us, you're not.

00:15:06.433 --> 00:15:08.698
You know we, we found you in a trash, can you know?

00:15:08.698 --> 00:15:21.947
Just things joke on each other about and I'm sure in her mind I'm sure it it had to have been in her mind so you may not even be the, you may not even be the child.

00:15:21.947 --> 00:15:23.649
You, you know what I'm saying.

00:15:23.649 --> 00:15:35.727
I'm sure that it's not a joke, but Alfred is every I mean I said it so often like it had to have crossed her mind because I said it to him so often.

00:15:36.419 --> 00:16:07.302
But this year, back in the beginning of April and so much has happened in between, it's so much that has transpired over the years but finally in April I had reached out to my dad for the final time this year I had decided I'm going to go on this journey by myself, and again, it's so much that has transpired in between, but I had finally decided this year I want to go on this journey by myself, whether my dad agreed or not.

00:16:07.302 --> 00:16:16.168
I reached out to him one final time after I had been praying and talking to God, and the Holy Spirit was like reach out to him one more time.

00:16:16.168 --> 00:16:25.013
I said, okay, I'm gonna reach out to him one more time and I text him and I said so, I'm gonna do a paternity test to find out if you're my biological father.

00:16:25.013 --> 00:16:31.982
Would you be interested in doing it with me?

00:16:31.982 --> 00:16:33.025
And he said, yes, he immediately takes me back.

00:16:33.046 --> 00:16:37.057
Yes, that was April of this year and we ended up doing it and we did it on April 29th.

00:16:37.057 --> 00:16:42.875
I remember we did it on April 29th and we got the results back on May 10th.

00:16:42.875 --> 00:16:46.307
And the only reason I remember that because it was the Friday before Mother's Day.

00:16:46.307 --> 00:16:49.768
Okay, that's when I found out, the Friday before.

00:16:49.807 --> 00:16:50.350
Mother's Day.

00:16:50.350 --> 00:16:54.288
So I have a question, because there's a little gap in space.

00:16:54.288 --> 00:16:55.765
I kind of want to bring it together.

00:16:55.765 --> 00:17:17.689
So, when your mom tells you all at 19, 20, because you kind of fast forwarded to April, of reaching out to him one last time what transpired with the relationship within those years in the you know, however, you can sum it up yeah, because it's 15, 16.

00:17:17.750 --> 00:17:26.450
Okay, so I found out well, I found out that he might not be in 19.

00:17:26.450 --> 00:17:28.854
I stopped talking to my mom.

00:17:28.854 --> 00:17:47.856
That's why me and my mom have had such a on off again relationship all these years, and it's like one of those things that is just hard to explain, because if, if I really could tell it all, I have to tell you everything.

00:17:47.856 --> 00:17:54.090
So if I don't tell you everything, you don't understand why Monique and her mom don't have a good relationship.

00:17:54.090 --> 00:18:01.301
Correct, if I tell you everything now you know everything, everything Exactly.

00:18:01.301 --> 00:18:12.301
So now you just have to look at me some type of way, because I can't tell you everything, because I don't want you to look at my mama some type of way, I don't want you to look at my daddy some type of way.

00:18:12.301 --> 00:18:17.340
So I just let people think what they want to think about me and that's just what I take.

00:18:17.340 --> 00:18:20.865
I bear it across because I don't want you looking at them some type of way.

00:18:20.865 --> 00:18:23.589
That's, that's a whole, nother thing.

00:18:23.890 --> 00:18:30.945
So I can relate so I stopped talking to my mom on again, off again.

00:18:30.945 --> 00:18:34.532
That's just to sum it up basically, without going into all the details.

00:18:34.532 --> 00:18:46.221
I stopped talking to her on and off again for those years until I finally forgive her, because the when she told me I wasn't a christian, I didn't give my life to Christ, how I was 21.

00:18:46.221 --> 00:18:50.351
I wasn't married yet, so it was just on again, off again.

00:18:50.351 --> 00:18:55.047
It's how I gave my life to Christ and really got close to God and I finally forgave her.

00:18:55.047 --> 00:18:58.661
So our relationship was just kind of up and down.

00:18:58.661 --> 00:19:02.667
But between that time she told me and I won't you.

00:19:02.667 --> 00:19:20.385
You know I don't mention names, but she told me who the man was who could be my dad, which it was either him or my dad at this time, because you know, I just found out just a few months ago, right, so it could be either him or my dad.

00:19:20.385 --> 00:19:24.912
This man who the other guy was, she gave him my phone number.

00:19:24.912 --> 00:19:28.382
I was mad at her about that at this point.

00:19:28.382 --> 00:19:30.890
I was mad at my mom about everything.

00:19:30.890 --> 00:19:35.503
It was like anything she did I was mad about because it's just like she.

00:19:35.503 --> 00:19:42.125
She pulled the rug from underneath me like, yeah, it was like you've been lying to me my whole life.

00:19:42.125 --> 00:19:45.413
So at at this point, anything she did, I was just.

00:19:45.413 --> 00:19:48.645
I was just, I was hurt in anything she did.

00:19:48.645 --> 00:20:00.786
So she gave him my phone number and he would call me, like, if not every day, every other day I didn't answer the phone and I don't even know back then if we could block numbers.

00:20:00.786 --> 00:20:03.036
I don't even know, I don't even think we could.

00:20:03.036 --> 00:20:09.931
But I would never answer the calls because I felt like I would be betraying my dad if I talked to him.

00:20:09.931 --> 00:20:15.367
And now, at 35, it took, girl, it took me going to therapy.

00:20:15.367 --> 00:20:30.163
Like when I finally went to therapy, it was so crazy hearing the stuff out loud that I was doing back then because everything I was doing was for everybody else except me.

00:20:30.163 --> 00:20:39.602
So I wouldn't talk to him because I felt like he would be betraying my dad.

00:20:39.602 --> 00:20:41.585
And this man would call me.

00:20:41.585 --> 00:20:59.789
It stopped, it started dwindling down from like every other day to like maybe once a week and then like once a month, but he wouldn't give up, the guy wouldn't give up and I finally I don't even know how long it took me, maybe like two years it took me a minute.

00:20:59.789 --> 00:21:05.846
It took me a minute to finally like realize he not giving up, like he want to be in my life.

00:21:05.846 --> 00:21:08.203
And I finally like gave me.

00:21:08.285 --> 00:21:21.282
And I think the first time I met him, corey and I went out because I wouldn't meet him when I called, because I just wanted to feel safe, not like physically safe, just emotionally safe.

00:21:21.282 --> 00:21:24.651
Yeah, because I told you, I felt like I was betraying my dad.

00:21:24.651 --> 00:21:25.913
And I still felt that way.

00:21:25.913 --> 00:21:30.932
So we ended up meeting him at a restaurant and I met him.

00:21:30.932 --> 00:21:35.643
Everything went well, but I still felt like I was betraying my dad.

00:21:35.643 --> 00:21:43.528
So I ended up, I started talking to him, but it was like on the surface stuff, and I invited him to church.

00:21:43.528 --> 00:21:45.172
We had something at church.

00:21:45.172 --> 00:21:49.711
It was like time for visitors to stand up or something.

00:21:49.711 --> 00:21:56.903
And he stood up and introduced himself or something.

00:21:56.903 --> 00:22:07.954
I don't remember and I'm not even going to mention names or anything, but some kind of way and I know how, but that's not important.

00:22:07.954 --> 00:22:17.723
But it got back to my dad that he was there and my dad called my mom and he was upset.

00:22:17.723 --> 00:22:18.826
He was upset.

00:22:18.826 --> 00:22:22.905
So then this validated.

00:22:24.115 --> 00:22:28.304
It came to life Like I disappointed my dad, just like I knew I would.

00:22:28.744 --> 00:22:36.166
Yes, it validated how I felt already, like what was already in the back of my head that I'm betraying him.

00:22:36.166 --> 00:22:42.317
So then I stopped talking to him again and it just started that whole cycle over again.

00:22:42.317 --> 00:22:46.307
So, long story short, because a lot happened in between it.

00:22:46.307 --> 00:23:06.192
My dad really stopped talking to me after that, like he never once had a conversation with me, even all these years up until now, until I asked him for a DNA test, until I reached out to him never once has he had a conversation with me.

00:23:06.192 --> 00:23:17.030
Even after my mom confronted us about him possibly not being my dad, he never had a conversation with me about any of these None of it.

00:23:17.030 --> 00:23:19.634
He just completely avoided me about the whole conversation.

00:23:19.634 --> 00:23:26.469
It was like this elephant is here, nobody's going to talk about the elephant, nobody, nobody.

00:23:26.469 --> 00:23:35.700
It was like I'm the only one who wants to talk about the elephant, but everybody else is going to act like the elephant is not here, okay.

00:23:36.240 --> 00:23:47.961
So once all of that happened with him at the church, my dad slowly but surely stopped talking to me Like he used to.

00:23:47.961 --> 00:23:49.424
Would cause he doesn't live here.

00:23:49.424 --> 00:23:55.381
He used to would come here and visit and would stop by and see me.

00:23:55.381 --> 00:24:01.116
He would come here and I wouldn't even know he was here, like I wouldn't even know he was in the state.

00:24:01.116 --> 00:24:13.867
Or he used to call me, you know the call stopped coming, or he would call for the kids' birthdays their birthdays would come and go and we wouldn't hear from him.

00:24:13.867 --> 00:24:24.186
The holidays would come, he would bring like Christmas gifts and then Christmases would pass by and we haven't heard from him.

00:24:24.186 --> 00:24:35.961
But it was never like a conversation like anything, like you would just have to come up with something in your mind of what happened Nothing, it was just like nothing.

00:24:36.654 --> 00:24:44.781
So, yeah, I'm sorry, that's what happened with that relationship, but my mom and I we talked.

00:24:44.781 --> 00:24:46.803
I told her, I forgave her.

00:24:46.803 --> 00:24:54.128
I understood why she you know it didn't justify her handling things the way that she handled it.

00:24:54.128 --> 00:24:56.811
You know it still hurt me, don't get me wrong.

00:24:56.811 --> 00:24:57.711
It still hurt me.

00:24:57.711 --> 00:25:03.060
But I understood because my mom had me when she was 19, the same age.

00:25:03.080 --> 00:25:27.704
I had my son and I understood why she could have made the decision that she made and now, being the age that I am now, even more mature and wiser, now being where I am today, I appreciate that she had enough courage to even come to me and my dad and even admit some people go to their grave and never say anything.

00:25:27.704 --> 00:25:29.596
You find that on your own.

00:25:29.596 --> 00:25:40.737
So the fact that she could even come to me and tell me and I didn't have to find that from somewhere else or found that on my own I appreciated even that much more.

00:25:40.737 --> 00:25:43.243
Back then I wouldn't have been able to say that to her.

00:25:43.243 --> 00:25:45.877
I just cut her off because I wouldn't.

00:25:45.877 --> 00:25:46.921
I didn't get it.

00:25:46.921 --> 00:25:59.125
I didn't understand how you could, how you could hurt your child or lie to your child or but now I get it was possibly trying to protect you even in a way, but what?

00:25:59.165 --> 00:26:08.195
she thought was the best decision for me and the best decision for her, because my dad was a great dad, he was a great man, you know.

00:26:08.195 --> 00:26:09.722
So I get it now.

00:26:09.722 --> 00:26:13.381
I didn't understand it then, but I get it now and I appreciate her.

00:26:13.381 --> 00:26:15.702
So we are in a much better place.

00:26:15.702 --> 00:26:16.700
My mom and I are in a much better place.

00:26:16.700 --> 00:26:19.194
My mom and I are in a much better place today.

00:26:19.875 --> 00:26:35.364
And the other guy a couple years ago I asked him would he be open to doing a DNA test, because I just didn't want the back and forth anymore, the wondering, the feeling like I'm betraying somebody over here and I don't even really know if you're my father or not.

00:26:35.364 --> 00:26:37.442
I just didn't want any of that anymore.

00:26:37.442 --> 00:26:40.299
So I asked him would he be open to a DNA test?

00:26:40.299 --> 00:26:47.358
He agreed and then he fell off the map and I never heard from him again, never seen him, never heard from him.

00:26:47.358 --> 00:26:54.719
And that was years ago, that was over four or five years ago, and I never heard or seen from him again.

00:26:54.719 --> 00:26:59.327
So that's where all of those relationships are is right today.

00:27:00.288 --> 00:27:01.211
That is a lot.

00:27:01.211 --> 00:27:02.498
That is a lot.

00:27:02.498 --> 00:27:10.864
I see why you were talking about that in theory, because that is a lot to unpack a lot of abandonment, a lot of hurt.

00:27:10.864 --> 00:27:20.165
You know just really big emotions and things that I'm sure you've dealt with and are dealing with even now.

00:27:20.165 --> 00:27:28.884
You know, um, even the fact that the other guy was in your life, so persistent and then just fell off.

00:27:28.884 --> 00:27:31.755
Like what do you do with that?

00:27:31.755 --> 00:27:34.940
You know how do you find peace with it.

00:27:34.940 --> 00:27:35.681
Have you found peace with you?

00:27:35.681 --> 00:27:38.605
I have found peace with him have you found peace with him?

00:27:38.625 --> 00:27:43.152
I have found peace with him because I was never.

00:27:43.152 --> 00:27:45.441
I never built a relationship with him.

00:27:45.441 --> 00:27:46.565
That was the thing.

00:27:46.565 --> 00:27:48.671
I never opened myself up to him.

00:27:48.671 --> 00:27:49.755
I never did.

00:27:49.755 --> 00:27:52.082
I never even allowed myself to.

00:27:52.082 --> 00:27:56.395
So it was never anything where I was yearning to have a relationship with him.

00:27:56.395 --> 00:27:58.481
My dad was always my dad.

00:27:58.481 --> 00:27:59.685
That's how I looked at it.

00:27:59.685 --> 00:28:06.407
The only thing about that is and I'm going to continue on this journey I am going to do that.

00:28:06.407 --> 00:28:17.461
And the only thing about that is one of the things I found out with my meeting him when Corey and I went to meet him he has children.

00:28:17.461 --> 00:28:23.250
He has other kids, so that means I would have siblings.

00:28:23.250 --> 00:28:26.220
You know he, him and his wife has kids.

00:28:27.021 --> 00:28:35.886
So I would want to know my possible siblings and I say possible because I want to get a DNA test.

00:28:35.886 --> 00:28:37.674
That's what I have figured out on this journey.

00:28:37.674 --> 00:28:38.840
I want to get a DNA test.

00:28:38.840 --> 00:28:41.231
That's what I have figured out on this journey.

00:28:41.231 --> 00:28:47.439
I would want to get a DNA test.

00:28:47.439 --> 00:28:48.480
So, but I would have possible siblings.

00:28:48.521 --> 00:28:50.145
And what I've also learned is the kids have no fault in this.

00:28:50.145 --> 00:28:54.458
You know adults making adult decisions and you know they're doing what they doing.

00:28:54.458 --> 00:28:58.184
The kids have no faults in this, play no parts in this.

00:28:58.184 --> 00:29:00.729
All we did was be born, that's it.

00:29:00.729 --> 00:29:05.805
So I would want to know if I have siblings, I would want to know my siblings.

00:29:05.805 --> 00:29:22.686
So that's the only part that I don't want to say I'm not at peace with, because it's not like I don't have peace because I have peace, yeah, but it's like that's the only the unknown that I want to know, like I, I want to continue this journey because if I have siblings, I want to know my siblings.

00:29:22.686 --> 00:29:27.023
I don't want to leave this world and have brothers and sisters that I don't know.

00:29:27.023 --> 00:29:29.568
Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

00:29:30.355 --> 00:29:37.082
So have you thought about ever reaching out to them, since you know their father has kind of disappeared?

00:29:37.082 --> 00:29:38.378
What are your?

00:29:38.420 --> 00:29:40.048
thoughts on that yes.

00:29:40.048 --> 00:29:40.570
I do.

00:29:41.153 --> 00:29:53.939
Okay, all right, so you'll be on the journey and we'll see how that goes as far as that, maybe in a part two of the podcast episode.

00:29:53.939 --> 00:30:09.672
So you've told me how you found out and all of those things, and so I want to talk about a little bit about telling your family, like having the conversation with your husband.

00:30:09.672 --> 00:30:13.703
Have you had the conversation with your children?

00:30:13.703 --> 00:30:14.686
What was that like?

00:30:28.795 --> 00:30:29.175
was that like okay.

00:30:29.175 --> 00:30:30.497
So my children, my children, know me.

00:30:30.497 --> 00:30:32.338
So, just like you guys experienced me being very transparent on the podcast.

00:30:32.338 --> 00:30:41.529
But I'm on the podcast, I'm transparent, but I'm transparent in a way that I want to be.

00:30:41.529 --> 00:30:43.734
I share the things that I want to share.

00:30:43.734 --> 00:30:53.715
I don't overshare, yes, but with my kids they get an open book, so it's like I share with them.

00:30:53.715 --> 00:30:58.403
But they've been along for this journey so they knew a lot already.

00:30:58.403 --> 00:31:04.083
It was just like me finally getting the results, but they knew so much already.

00:31:04.083 --> 00:31:10.194
So when I told you know my youngest, zoe Grace, she doesn't understand.

00:31:10.194 --> 00:31:17.544
The only thing she knew was mommy said she was like mommy, you okay, are you okay?

00:31:17.544 --> 00:31:18.527
You sure you okay?

00:31:18.527 --> 00:31:20.142
That was Zoe's response.

00:31:21.215 --> 00:31:32.163
My son he is his father's child, so he is very blunt and makes jokes and that's who he is.

00:31:32.163 --> 00:31:39.648
So he was like I called him in the room after I got the results, after I talked to my husband and we had our moment.

00:31:39.648 --> 00:31:41.897
I call my kids in the room.

00:31:41.897 --> 00:31:59.804
Well, my husband called the kids in the room and told them we wanted to talk to them and after I shared with them my son, my son was the first one to respond and he was like you called us in here for this.

00:31:59.804 --> 00:32:03.530
Like we already, we already knew this.

00:32:03.530 --> 00:32:06.923
Like you've been sharing this with us for years.

00:32:06.923 --> 00:32:10.250
You know I'm really open with my kids.

00:32:10.351 --> 00:32:15.044
I know some parents don't, you know, share everything and no, not to to.

00:32:15.044 --> 00:32:18.921
I think parents should parent the way that they feel is best for their kids.

00:32:18.921 --> 00:32:22.119
But I share, I share things with my kids.

00:32:22.119 --> 00:32:24.867
I don't want any secrets with my kids.

00:32:24.867 --> 00:32:29.499
I share what I feel is appropriate, but I share a lot with my kids.

00:32:29.499 --> 00:32:31.663
So he knew a lot.

00:32:31.804 --> 00:32:36.579
My kid, my older two kids knew a lot already, so that's why he responded that way.

00:32:36.579 --> 00:32:39.346
But it was like, like it wasn't no secret to him.

00:32:39.346 --> 00:32:42.220
It was like he put he's 16.

00:32:42.220 --> 00:32:43.742
He put pieces together.

00:32:43.742 --> 00:32:45.807
When I was 16, I knew a lot too.

00:32:45.867 --> 00:32:52.228
It was like when I was 16, my parents separated and when it happened it was like it wasn't no secret to me.

00:32:52.228 --> 00:32:53.498
I knew this was coming.

00:32:53.498 --> 00:32:55.202
I already knew this was happening.

00:32:55.202 --> 00:33:01.539
So when he said it, it made complete sense to me and my parents weren't even talking to me about what was happening.

00:33:01.539 --> 00:33:03.384
I just read the room.

00:33:03.384 --> 00:33:07.881
I knew and I'm openly having conversations with my kids.

00:33:07.881 --> 00:33:11.769
So as a parent who's talking to their kids.

00:33:11.769 --> 00:33:17.067
It wasn't a surprise that he responded that way, so he completely understood.

00:33:17.067 --> 00:33:23.961
It was just I wanted to talk to them because now I finally have the actual results and I know for sure.

00:33:23.961 --> 00:33:31.078
It's not a cloud over us anymore, or wondering, or we think, but my son had put the pieces together.

00:33:31.078 --> 00:33:35.903
He's like we don't see pawpaw anymore.

00:33:35.903 --> 00:33:40.128
He's not coming around, we're not talking to him.

00:33:40.128 --> 00:33:42.191
You know, now you're saying this.

00:33:42.255 --> 00:33:49.275
It's like we already we already know this, so yeah, that's what about your oldest daughter?

00:33:49.575 --> 00:33:50.636
what was her reaction?

00:33:50.997 --> 00:33:57.807
mariah is very reserved with her emotions.

00:33:57.807 --> 00:34:01.298
She didn't have much to say.

00:34:01.298 --> 00:34:05.164
I think she was kind of taking in how I was feeling.

00:34:05.164 --> 00:34:08.985
She just nodded her head.

00:34:08.985 --> 00:34:11.282
She didn't say anything.

00:34:11.282 --> 00:34:15.943
She's the one that I have to check in on when she's by herself.

00:34:15.943 --> 00:34:18.382
She's not going to say much.

00:34:18.382 --> 00:34:25.065
She just kind of pays attention to the surroundings, how you feel and what's going on, and she just pays attention.

00:34:25.204 --> 00:34:37.403
She won't say much and I know you said that you and your husband had a moment before you told the kids, but I'm I'm just assuming that he knew prior to the results as well.

00:34:37.403 --> 00:34:39.467
But take us to the moment of the results.

00:34:39.467 --> 00:34:41.818
What was your husband's reaction at that point?

00:34:43.360 --> 00:34:45.385
he asked me was I okay?

00:34:45.385 --> 00:34:47.748
That was his first response are you okay?

00:34:47.748 --> 00:34:58.802
Because we had already talked about it, um, when I first did the dna test which I told you I did it on april 29th and he asked me um, was I okay?

00:34:58.802 --> 00:35:02.510
Because I had already told him that I was at peace about it.

00:35:02.510 --> 00:35:07.552
When I did the DNA test, I told him I was at peace about it, whichever way the results went.

00:35:08.034 --> 00:35:21.027
The only reason that I was doing it because I didn't want the cloud over my head, like I didn't want to wonder what if or if it is, if it ain't, I just didn't want that for my family.

00:35:21.027 --> 00:35:23.764
I didn't want that for my kids, I didn't want that for my grandkids.

00:35:23.764 --> 00:35:29.603
Like I want us to be able to do the hard, uncomfortable things, like I want us to know I don't want any secrets.

00:35:29.603 --> 00:35:33.487
I just didn't want that for my family and for the generations to come.

00:35:33.487 --> 00:35:34.489
I just didn't want that.

00:35:34.489 --> 00:35:48.074
So I was going to be okay either way, even though I desired my father to be my father, but whatever the result said to me, he's still my dad, um, but his first response was are you okay?

00:35:48.074 --> 00:35:50.380
And I was like yes, I, you know.

00:35:50.380 --> 00:35:51.702
I meant what I said.

00:35:51.702 --> 00:35:52.264
That's I.

00:35:52.264 --> 00:36:05.706
I didn't want to do it until I, until I was okay, if that makes sense like I didn't want to do it if I was not in a place where I would be okay if the results was he's not my dad Right.

00:36:05.755 --> 00:36:07.342
That's why I've been doing the work in therapy.

00:36:07.342 --> 00:36:17.469
You know, and he was like he hates that because he doesn't like the place my dad and I are in.

00:36:17.469 --> 00:36:31.702
He doesn't because Corey and I have been together since high school, so he knows what my dad and I's relationship was like before all of this and he and his dad don't have a close relationship.

00:36:31.702 --> 00:36:47.284
So to see the relationship that my dad and I have now and to see how my dad has responded due to all of this, it breaks my husband's heart and he won't say those words.

00:36:47.284 --> 00:37:04.340
But just seeing his response to my dad and how everything has played out and us going to couples therapy and seeing how he talks about it, it hurts him you know.

00:37:04.659 --> 00:37:10.650
So he wasn't happy about it and he's just not happy about any of it at all.

00:37:10.650 --> 00:37:14.362
Yeah, but he's glad that I'm okay.

00:37:14.362 --> 00:37:16.166
He's not okay about it.

00:37:16.166 --> 00:37:17.007
I'm just gonna be honest.

00:37:17.007 --> 00:37:17.469
He's not okay about it.

00:37:17.469 --> 00:37:18.231
I'm just going to be honest.

00:37:18.231 --> 00:37:20.876
He's not okay about any of it and he doesn't even.

00:37:20.876 --> 00:37:30.074
He doesn't even understand or comprehend how I respond, the way that I respond.

00:37:30.074 --> 00:37:34.364
He doesn't understand how I can be okay with all of these.

00:37:34.364 --> 00:37:36.487
He doesn't even understand it.

00:37:36.487 --> 00:37:39.722
So he's not okay, but he's glad that I'm okay.

00:37:40.164 --> 00:38:09.121
If that, yeah, I hope that makes sense, makes that, does make sense, maybe even like a little bit of transference, because he doesn't have that relationship with his dad and I can't say you know the work that he's done or not done, but you've done the work on this, and so maybe, if he hasn't really resolved whatever he has with his dad, it could be a possibility that that's kind of affecting him in a way that he may not even be able to really comprehend, like why am I so affected by it?

00:38:09.121 --> 00:38:11.179
You know?

00:38:11.179 --> 00:38:16.925
So it is just one of those things where I'm happy that you did the work.

00:38:16.925 --> 00:38:22.577
I'm happy that you've come to a place where you're not doing everything for everybody else.

00:38:22.577 --> 00:38:27.108
And that was the part that I, I, I my therapist hat was on.

00:38:27.168 --> 00:38:32.023
I saw that it got emotional for you when you kind of talked about that.

00:38:32.023 --> 00:38:54.646
Like when I talk about this, I realized like I literally was doing everything for everybody else for my mom, for my dad, for the man that could possibly be my dad, and now you're doing what you need to do for you, and so that lets me know that you have made progress in this healing journey.

00:38:54.646 --> 00:38:58.539
I want to open up the floor.

00:38:58.539 --> 00:39:01.186
I do have one more question for you.

00:39:01.186 --> 00:39:03.960
It's going to be a two-parter, and that's the one I'll close on.

00:39:03.960 --> 00:39:19.867
But is there anything that you would want to say, or any advice that you may want to give, or just anything that you want or is on your heart about this topic, about this situation, that maybe I haven't asked?

00:39:20.114 --> 00:39:50.539
you I would say, if someone is struggling just to piggyback off what you just said, because I did get emotional about that part, because I remember when I first started therapy, when I was talking to my therapist and literally you know, know your therapist giving her the rundown of all of the things that has been happening to lead me up to getting to therapy and she was telling me that I am a rescuer.

00:39:51.101 --> 00:39:53.585
That's kind of the summary of what she told me.

00:39:53.585 --> 00:39:58.501
She said I see a need in everybody else and I want to meet the need.

00:39:58.501 --> 00:40:00.030
I feel like I got to meet the need in everybody else and I want to meet the need.

00:40:00.030 --> 00:40:16.262
I feel like I got to meet the need for everybody else and I've been doing this since my childhood and I'm literally talking to you about all of these things, even through my childhood, about everybody else, and I had in the decisions that I was making.

00:40:16.262 --> 00:40:18.407
They were for everybody else.

00:40:18.407 --> 00:40:27.981
And I'm the one over here suffering, I'm dying, I'm literally dying to save everybody else, but nobody is saving me.

00:40:27.981 --> 00:40:32.326
I'm over here dying, but I'm making decisions to save everybody else.

00:40:33.175 --> 00:40:44.460
And so I finally sat down on my therapist's couch and realized, after saying it out loud, that that's what I was doing, and I didn't even realize it, like I didn't even.

00:40:44.460 --> 00:40:46.525
I didn't even realize it.

00:40:46.525 --> 00:40:54.862
So I would encourage anybody and it don't have to be what I'm going through, whatever it is.

00:40:54.862 --> 00:41:00.289
If you need to make a decision to save yourself, save yourself.

00:41:00.289 --> 00:41:14.157
And I don't care who it is If it's a parent, if it is a spouse save yourself, save yourself, do the work.

00:41:14.157 --> 00:41:18.023
They will be hurt, they will be offended.

00:41:18.023 --> 00:41:22.831
They may not like it, but save yourself.

00:41:22.831 --> 00:41:32.202
When you are on an airplane, one of the things that the flight attendant tell you is to put, if the plane goes down, to put your mask on first.

00:41:32.202 --> 00:41:40.443
And that's what I had to learn how to do, because while I was so busy trying to do what it takes to save everybody else, I was over there dying.

00:41:40.443 --> 00:41:47.039
I was literally dying because I'm trying to save everybody else, but I had to begin to save me.

00:41:47.039 --> 00:41:54.418
That doesn't mean not to help people, not to make sure that they're okay, but you got to save you first.

00:41:54.418 --> 00:41:57.003
So I would encourage you do the work.

00:41:57.083 --> 00:41:58.405
And it's not easy work.

00:41:58.405 --> 00:42:02.541
I told y'all this has been a 15, 16 year journey.

00:42:02.541 --> 00:42:03.182
I'm not.

00:42:03.182 --> 00:42:14.255
I just didn't wake up one day and was strong enough and able to tell my story and be able to talk about this with with no unforgiveness in my heart and no hurt and no pain.

00:42:14.255 --> 00:42:17.143
I didn't just wake up one day and be able to do this.

00:42:17.143 --> 00:42:18.144
I've done the work.

00:42:18.144 --> 00:42:19.949
I've done the work with my therapist.

00:42:19.949 --> 00:42:22.603
I've done the work in my relationship with Christ.

00:42:22.603 --> 00:42:27.063
I've learned how to be self-aware, because there were things that were wrong with me.

00:42:27.063 --> 00:42:29.342
There were things that I needed to do for myself.

00:42:29.342 --> 00:42:31.202
I'm not pointing the finger at anybody else.

00:42:31.202 --> 00:42:33.403
There were things I needed to fix within myself.

00:42:33.403 --> 00:42:35.237
There were things that I had to learn.

00:42:35.237 --> 00:42:37.181
There were places where I needed to grow.

00:42:37.181 --> 00:42:47.157
There were things in me as well, but I had to learn how to do the work.

00:42:47.157 --> 00:42:49.380
I had to stop trying to rescue everybody else and rescue Monique.

00:42:49.380 --> 00:42:51.143
Yes, choose you, save you, do the work for you.

00:42:52.005 --> 00:42:52.606
That's good.

00:42:52.606 --> 00:43:11.045
I got this vision of like a house being on fire and like being like different stories and everything, and instead of you calling 9-1-1 and calling the fire department, you're the one going running back and forth in the house trying to get people out of the fire.

00:43:11.045 --> 00:43:13.393
And you don't have oxygen.

00:43:13.393 --> 00:43:24.021
You don't have equipment to be running in this house and all you had to do was save yourself, go get help, and then they would be safe.

00:43:24.021 --> 00:43:27.989
You don't have to be the savior, you don't have to run in the fires.

00:43:27.989 --> 00:43:30.860
So that's what I'm taking away from it.

00:43:30.860 --> 00:43:37.280
You know, even to share and elaborate even further to help people know like go get help.

00:43:37.280 --> 00:43:52.440
If that's a therapist, if that's you know you just removing yourself from the situation, go get the help, save yourself so that the others that you want to save can really be saved.

00:43:52.440 --> 00:43:54.762
It's not your job to save them.

00:43:54.762 --> 00:43:56.701
It's not your job.

00:43:57.715 --> 00:44:03.115
So the last question I want to ask you is a two-parter I'm going to.

00:44:03.115 --> 00:44:05.119
I want to end it on a positive note.

00:44:05.119 --> 00:44:12.802
So the first part is what are the negative ways that finding out that your dad was not your dad?

00:44:12.802 --> 00:44:16.188
Has that affected you negatively?

00:44:16.188 --> 00:44:24.500
How has finding that information out about your biological father and who it was and who it wasn't and who it might be.

00:44:24.500 --> 00:44:27.264
How has that negatively affected you?

00:44:28.536 --> 00:44:30.362
It negatively affected me.

00:44:30.362 --> 00:44:33.601
Okay, I'm going to say this.

00:44:33.601 --> 00:44:37.715
I'm going to say this, but I don't know if this is true or not.

00:44:37.715 --> 00:44:39.291
I don't know if this is for sure.

00:44:39.291 --> 00:44:41.873
So I want to preface this by saying this.

00:44:42.494 --> 00:44:42.735
Okay.

00:44:44.306 --> 00:45:03.798
When I found out that he was not my biological father when I got the results a few days later, because when we got the results, I got the results via the mail and he was supposed to get them by email.

00:45:03.798 --> 00:45:06.411
Some reason he didn't get them.

00:45:06.411 --> 00:45:12.478
So he reached out to me a few days later and asked me had I received them?

00:45:12.478 --> 00:45:16.596
And I was like, yeah, you didn't get them.

00:45:16.596 --> 00:45:18.112
You were supposed to get them by email.

00:45:18.112 --> 00:45:19.391
He was like no, I didn't get them.

00:45:19.391 --> 00:45:21.105
So to get him by email, he was like no, I didn't get him.

00:45:21.105 --> 00:45:24.036
So you know something as serious as that.

00:45:24.036 --> 00:45:27.690
I didn't want to just send that through a text message because he was texting me.

00:45:27.690 --> 00:45:32.507
Like you know, I just don't want to text you and be like you're not my biological father.

00:45:32.507 --> 00:45:36.614
So I took a picture of the results and sent it to him.

00:45:36.614 --> 00:45:42.710
He got him and I never heard from him again, and that was in May.

00:45:42.710 --> 00:45:45.550
This is August.

00:45:45.550 --> 00:45:47.911
I never heard from him again.

00:45:50.369 --> 00:45:56.434
I've heard from my stepmother and I won't say anything about that because that's his wife and I don't.

00:45:56.434 --> 00:46:04.789
I don't, I don't know what he would think or what he would say, but she has reached out to me and she's been there.

00:46:04.789 --> 00:46:05.891
She's been there.

00:46:05.891 --> 00:46:07.333
She's been there for me.

00:46:07.333 --> 00:46:13.751
So I appreciate and I love her for that, but I have not heard from him at all.

00:46:13.751 --> 00:46:33.949
So that's one of the negative ways that it has impacted me, because this was like it's like it's solidified that we may no longer have a relationship yeah, that's hard yeah.

00:46:34.692 --> 00:46:52.976
So it was like it's like grieving a loss and that's why we kind of opened up with that grieving part, Because I've been grieving it but it's like grieving that friendship that's not the same anymore.

00:46:52.976 --> 00:46:56.976
But there's a chance you guys may fix things.

00:46:56.976 --> 00:47:08.949
But when the friendship is really over and you know you guys are not coming back, you really have to like grieve it for real Cause you know you guys are not coming back.

00:47:08.949 --> 00:47:18.351
But I I I prefaced it with saying like I don't know if this is really true, because as a Christian I always have hope.

00:47:18.351 --> 00:47:22.416
I know God can redeem and restore any relationship.

00:47:22.416 --> 00:47:34.110
So my prayer and my hope is that one day my dad and I's relationship can be fixed, it can be restored, it will be redeemed.

00:47:34.110 --> 00:47:45.039
You know, that is my hope and my desire, Because again I have no unforgiveness in my heart towards him, even though he abandoned me.

00:47:45.465 --> 00:47:46.846
I struggle with that word.

00:47:46.846 --> 00:48:01.795
I really me and my therapist have a hard time in our session with that word because he abandoned me and I don't because I saw my dad in such a high esteem all my life.

00:48:01.795 --> 00:48:04.956
I struggle seeing him in any negative way.

00:48:04.956 --> 00:48:06.577
I really struggle with that.

00:48:06.577 --> 00:48:12.822
So I have hope that we one day can have a great relationship again.

00:48:12.822 --> 00:48:15.342
So that's the negative way it impacted me.

00:48:15.342 --> 00:48:21.414
It's like, now that the results that he is now my biological father, there's a chance we may never have a relationship again.

00:48:21.414 --> 00:48:26.771
He could go the rest of his life and never talk to me again because I'm not his biological daughter.

00:48:26.771 --> 00:48:31.152
There's a chance of that, you know, but God can do all things as well.

00:48:31.213 --> 00:48:35.708
So, yeah, I'm gonna be praying that with you and for you.

00:48:35.708 --> 00:48:39.326
You know that that relationship is restored one day.

00:48:39.326 --> 00:48:41.474
I do believe God can.

00:48:41.474 --> 00:49:00.902
He definitely can turn it around and I just pray he softens his heart, he heals his wounds and whatever he's dealing with, you know that he really heals from it, cause I'm sure he's dealing with some things you know on this journey if he's choosing to go on it himself.

00:49:00.902 --> 00:49:07.264
So yeah, so one more question, and I said I want to try to end it on kind of a positive note.

00:49:07.264 --> 00:49:16.599
I know this is a heavy topic, but tell me a way or some ways that this has positively affected Monique Simmons.

00:49:16.599 --> 00:49:18.190
What has this done for you?

00:49:24.405 --> 00:49:25.445
affected, monique Simmons.

00:49:25.445 --> 00:49:25.967
What has this done?

00:49:26.007 --> 00:49:28.688
for you, uh this journey because, again, this has been a journey, honey, I know it.

00:49:28.688 --> 00:49:40.418
Um, this journey has made me wiser, it has grown me up, it has made me trust God in a way that I didn't even know I could trust God.

00:49:40.418 --> 00:49:45.347
It has made me know God as a father.

00:49:45.347 --> 00:49:51.702
You know, we, we quote scriptures and we talk about God's word, but it's a.

00:49:51.702 --> 00:49:57.990
It's a difference in knowing and quoting God's word but really intimately knowing God's word.

00:49:58.030 --> 00:50:14.998
When I say God is a father to the fatherless, that's not just like if your father is dead, if he's not physically on his earth anymore, but my father is not in my life as far as a relationship.

00:50:14.998 --> 00:50:27.047
So I had to learn to lean on God as a father and to get to know him in that kind of way.

00:50:27.047 --> 00:50:27.768
It has been beautiful.

00:50:27.768 --> 00:50:40.795
I mean it has really been beautiful, and it has tremendously blessed my life and I wouldn't have known that if my dad wouldn't have walked out the way he did.

00:50:40.795 --> 00:50:47.853
So it has matured me and made me lean and depend on God in a way that I didn't before Like.

00:50:48.655 --> 00:50:56.737
Again, this started when I was 19, you know, and I gave my life to Christ at 21 and I've grown in my walk.

00:50:56.858 --> 00:50:59.588
I've got to know God intimately and personally.

00:50:59.588 --> 00:51:07.237
It even helped me in my relationship with my kids, Like I never want my kids to experience what I've experienced.

00:51:07.237 --> 00:51:17.637
And don't get me wrong, I told you guys I've grown in my relationship with my mom, but even my relationship with my mom has been up and down through all of these.

00:51:17.637 --> 00:51:24.514
I don't want my kids to experience what I've had to experience in my relationship with my parents.

00:51:24.514 --> 00:51:30.925
So I love on them, I talk to them, I'm close to them, like it.

00:51:30.925 --> 00:51:53.952
Just it's taught me everything I don't want to do and I have to lean on God in such a heavy way to do the complete opposite of everything that I've been taught and everything that I've been shown, because I don't know how to do this of my own Because of all the things I've seen and I've experienced, and I have to get all of that from God.

00:51:53.952 --> 00:52:00.293
So I have to lean on God so much to teach me what to do and how to do it.

00:52:00.655 --> 00:52:11.259
So yeah, Well, I don't think that there's a better way to end it Thinking about what you're taking away from it instead of what you've lost.

00:52:11.259 --> 00:52:32.295
What you gain from it is so much more than the things that you may be lacking earthly and I know sometimes physically, mentally, emotionally it may not feel like that, but it is something that has blessed you, it's grown you, and so just let that be the takeaway from today.

00:52:32.295 --> 00:52:37.371
My friend, I am so proud of you, so so, very proud of you.

00:52:37.371 --> 00:52:51.407
This is one of the bravest things that I believe that you could have ever done, and you know the conversations we have had and I just it almost brings me to tears like I just literally am proud of you.

00:52:51.407 --> 00:52:52.789
I'm proud of you.

00:52:53.530 --> 00:53:16.552
You're inspiring me, you're helping me to get free myself, and so I know that you're going to do it for others, and so I just want to say, on behalf of your listeners, on behalf of me as your friend, as your sister in Christ, I thank you, I love you and you are just amazing, you are absolutely amazing.

00:53:16.552 --> 00:53:20.355
So that concludes our interview.

00:53:20.355 --> 00:53:21.990
You have anything else?

00:53:21.990 --> 00:53:27.972
I know you've given me the reins, but do you have anything else that you want to say before we head out tonight?

00:53:28.346 --> 00:53:30.106
I just want to say thank you Seriously.

00:53:30.106 --> 00:53:32.514
You have been an amazing host.

00:53:32.514 --> 00:53:39.112
This is only just a sample of what's to come for you on your podcast.

00:53:39.112 --> 00:53:42.528
I'm excited to see what God is going to do in and through you.

00:53:42.528 --> 00:53:46.018
I wish you the absolute best on your journey.

00:53:46.018 --> 00:53:48.666
Thank you for even agreeing to do this.

00:53:48.666 --> 00:53:49.789
I appreciate you.

00:53:50.210 --> 00:53:53.585
You're welcome, I appreciate you and you know you've come to be a guest.

00:53:53.726 --> 00:54:12.565
We're already agreed, so don't take that I will be there on tell the audience how they can find you your social media platforms, website, all that good stuff, alright so the ways you can find me, you all, as she said, I call myself the neighborhood, your neighborhood hope dealer.

00:54:12.565 --> 00:54:17.284
So I'm on Instagram neighborhood hope dealer 22.

00:54:17.284 --> 00:54:20.009
I'm also on TikTok neighborhood hope dealer 22.

00:54:20.009 --> 00:54:22.702
I'm also on Tik TOK neighborhood hope dealer 22 or 2022.

00:54:22.702 --> 00:54:23.365
One of those.

00:54:23.806 --> 00:54:55.447
You can follow me on Facebook my name is Ashley Jenkins, spelled the regular way, and on Facebook live, and I'll be doing podcasts, as Mo has inspired me to do, cause I was just going to do Facebook live, but I'll be doing Spill the Tea therapy talk sessions Facebook Live starting in September, every Tuesday at 8 pm, central Standard Time, and really it'll be a lot like this, just kind of like a therapy session looking for people to interview.

00:54:55.447 --> 00:55:14.027
So if you're a business owner, if you're a mental health professional and you're interested, or even just someone that has something you want to share, or you want to come get on my couch and we just talk, you all can send information or send a request to info at influentialtouchcom.

00:55:14.027 --> 00:55:22.360
That's my email and that's also how you can reach me about any booking for any type of speaking engagements or therapy as well.

00:55:23.025 --> 00:55:23.927
Awesome.

00:55:23.927 --> 00:55:31.271
You guys, go follow and check out my girl until next time and we'll see you next season, season eight.

00:55:31.271 --> 00:55:33.958
I hope you guys have enjoyed today's episode.

00:55:33.958 --> 00:55:37.936
I hope it has blessed you, helped you wherever you are.

00:55:37.936 --> 00:55:49.559
Do the work, don't forget rescue yourself, save, you go get help um, I love you, but remember god loves you so much more.

00:55:50.059 --> 00:55:51.565
bye, guys, bye.

00:55:51.565 --> 00:56:03.114
I hope you guys have enjoyed Follow me on Facebook at Demo with Mo.

00:56:03.114 --> 00:56:08.588
If you have any questions you would like answered here live on my podcast, email them to me.

00:56:08.588 --> 00:56:12.056
At Demo with Mo at gmailcom.

00:56:12.056 --> 00:56:18.438
That's D-E-M-O-W-I-T-H-M-O at gmailcom.