The Journey of Love Series: An Intimate Unraveling of our Journey

Speaker 1: 0:06

What's up, guys? Welcome to Demo with Moe. I'm your host, monique Simmons. We'll be discussing dating, engaged and married objectives from a young Christian's perspective. Are you guys ready? Let's dive in. Hey, what's up, guys? Welcome to a new episode of Demo with Moe. I am your host, monique Simmons. Today we are continuing our Journey of Love series. I have invited a very special guest the Moe special guest to me, my husband Mr Corey Simmons, to continue on this Journey of Love series with me. I'm excited to have him join me on today. Before we kick off this episode, we are coming off celebrating my 30th birthday. We just came back from the very fine city of Miami and we had an amazing time. If I have any listeners from Miami, my husband said he will not be going back because you guys are very expensive, but I love Miami. We had an amazing, amazing time and I thought this would be the perfect time to bring him on to talk about our personal Journey of Love, coming off of this trip together, without like the call of vacation to celebrate my birthday, but we had an amazing time. So, mr Simmons, welcome to the PyCanns. Glad to have you join me today.

Speaker 2: 1:41

Hey, I'm happy to be on. I'm happy that you got me on. Talk about this love story. Let's see who's going to tell the truth and who's going to lie.

Speaker 1: 1:51

Okay, all right. Well, you guys, we're going to jump right on into it, okay, mr Simmons. So what we're going to do is tell how we met, and what I want to. What I really want to do is because usually when you talk to a couple, each, each person in a relationship kind of have their own perspective on how it kind of went. So I want you to give your side of it and I kind of feel in why I think you may be different in my side of it. You kind of feel your side of it. Okay, okay. So let's start from the beginning. Where did we meet?

Speaker 2: 2:33

Well, let's start from the beginning.

Speaker 1: 2:34

When I first saw you, oh, okay, where you first saw me, you know I hear about you.

Speaker 2: 2:38

You go to the little park mile when you eat the milk screen and drop that one Sad. You know, the first time I saw you.

Speaker 1: 2:45

Okay, so we have listeners, those of you who, because we have listeners from all over the map, north Park Mile is a local mile in our metro area, in our, in a city near our, near our city, where we live- Okay, I said we get North Park Mile.

Speaker 2: 3:04

you with somebody. I can't recall who you with, but I was couple of my friends. I approached you. I don't remember if I got your number or not. You might gave me the wrong number but I don't know if you did to the grown man at that time Grown man. I was not into grown.

Speaker 1: 3:19

Yeah, you being fat. You don't know about your age. Just say older. I was not dating a girl Older, thank you. Older me, thank you Older boys. We were in middle school Older boys. Okay.

Speaker 2: 3:33

But I can't remember if you gave me your number or whatever happened. But I know when I first saw you the most time you know I had me some girls. I was like I'm giving a damn with girls. Thank you, for when I first saw you, you know, first thing came in my mind you from a man perspective. Sometimes we see what we will be a do to.

Speaker 1: 3:55

You were not a man.

Speaker 2: 3:56

But you know you think about sex. Well, sex then caused my mind when I saw you. What caused my mind was when we get a family, you being my wife In middle school when we grew up, I could picture her being with her in the future.

Speaker 1: 4:17

You never told me.

Speaker 2: 4:19

I ain't got to tell you again to run to your head. I'm your wife now. You don't mind, okay, but most time with me when I look at women not now, y'all, not now.

Speaker 1: 4:30

Okay, man.

Speaker 2: 4:31

But when I was single and looking at women, my first thing, is this. I need to get that, but that ain't crossed my mind. So I try to talk to but I don't remember if I got the numbers out there on down the line. We met again, so happening to change my cousin house for another girl came to see another guy and she was with the girl.

Speaker 1: 4:57

Okay, now, this is what I remember. Okay, so I'm a jump in here. Okay, so one of my best friends this is still middle school, because I don't remember the mall Now Corey has told me about the mall. He's told me this many times over the years but he's never told me he thought about me being his wife and us having a family. But he has told me about me me at the mall, and me possibly me giving him my number. Okay, but one of my best friends was talking to his cousin and we happened to go meet one night and I had no idea that the cousin was Corey, that that was the house that we were going to and I was sitting outside in the car waiting on her and she was talking to him. Man, we were doing some grown up stuff back then. It's just absolutely ridiculous. But I was sitting in the car waiting on her to finish talking to the cousin and Corey comes into the car and I'm like I guess I gave him like some bougie look, is he? I'm sure he'll feel it in, but I looked at him like what you know, what's your, what's your role? Like what, what you coming to the car for? Yeah, so that was my experience of me that I remember a first meeting Is that kind of how that went?

Speaker 2: 6:16

Yeah, you got your room. That was a problem, okay, okay.

Speaker 1: 6:22

Okay, so we're going fast forward a little bit. So that was our first experiences of me each other. When and where did we see each other again after middle school, after all of these?

Speaker 2: 6:32

high school.

Speaker 1: 6:33

Okay.

Speaker 2: 6:34

But 10. 10 grade 10 grade.

Speaker 1: 6:37

10 grade, that's when I transferred to baby. Okay, so I started off at one high school and I got into a fight and I got transferred. I got transferred to baby, which is where Corey was, and we ended up going to high school together and that's when we ended up meeting and seeing each other again. So where did we go from there Once we saw each other? At Bailey.

Speaker 2: 7:07

I didn't bother you for the first couple years, when the first year you did a 10 grade year because you had your boyfriend, I didn't bother you, you didn't bother me. You probably spoke with him, but I still had that eye for you. I know you had a man and I was still doing my day Then in them grade year.

Speaker 1: 7:23

Okay.

Speaker 2: 7:26

We started getting a little closer. Okay, I'm a 24 class girl. I'm a 24 class girl. Last period together. No, seven periods together On B-Day.

Speaker 1: 7:39

You remember that.

Speaker 2: 7:41

I forgot what you were. I know what Miss McCartney played. You used to use my phone all the time he talked to some boy all the time. I don't know if you're phone without what you were cheating on or what you were doing.

Speaker 1: 7:53

You're missing.

Speaker 2: 7:55

Oh, you're missing.

Speaker 1: 7:56

I don't wonder why you can't use my phone every time. My husband is missing. You sit in front of me.

Speaker 2: 8:02

I don't know how you do and I use your phone and you use my phone. For the whole period my girlfriend used to be texting me. I ain't can't text back because you got my phone.

Speaker 1: 8:10

You're missing. Your girlfriend will be alright for one period.

Speaker 2: 8:13

You know she won't, you know she won't. She questioned me why? Who got your phone?

Speaker 1: 8:18

Okay y'all. So for context, even though it really don't matter, because this was high school, who cares? Back then, that's when phones were free, after what, what? I don't know what kind of plan Kory mama had on his phone, but he didn't care. It was even. He had some kind of free plan. Or his mama didn't care or he didn't care, but I was free already. Okay, I didn't have that plan. I paid my own cell phone. See, those are different between Kory and I had a job, so I was paying for my own cell phone, so I couldn't use my phone throughout the day. I had to use his phone, so he would let me use his phone. We were friends, we were cool, we had a girlfriend, I had a boyfriend, so I would use his phone. So I mean, what's the problem?

Speaker 2: 9:04

Yeah, we're the problem. You talk to other guys. You should put your number in my phone. You had a girlfriend.

Speaker 1: 9:10

Okay, so let's fast forward. How did we go? So 10 grade? He didn't bother me. I was here through the great plan though that Kory. Thank you, q. You know other people were coming up to me telling me that Kory thought I was cute. He wanted to talk to me, but I had a boyfriend. I was in a committee. I was always in a relationship. I never really just was single, even though you are single until you married. But whatever, I digress, but I was always in a relationship. So 10 grade year, kory didn't bother me. 11 grade year he didn't bother me about trying to date me, but we were friends, we had got real cool. So 12th grade year, let's fast forward. So I broke up with my boyfriend and we were in computer lab, ms Walker's class. Ms Walker's class and I was doing debit time and I needed a date and she suggested that I ask you to be my date. You were in the classroom. I don't even know what you were doing in there. I feel like it was all just in there. You were just in there because it wasn't class time, like I was just in there talking to her.

Speaker 2: 10:25

Who was somebody that came in the classroom? Yeah, Okay.

Speaker 1: 10:32

So she suggested that I ask you. So I came over to you and asked you would you be my date? And what did you say? I said yeah. You said yeah. I didn't know you were going to say yeah.

Speaker 2: 10:43

You had a girlfriend. We were going to pass up on that.

Speaker 1: 10:47

So, of course, yeah, and we ended up being partners for debit time and that's how we started getting really close, so we would go to debit time practice. I don't know if it was every day, but I feel like it was like two to three times. Yeah, so we would ride together to practice. And that's when he started rubbing off on me Like, okay, I could see myself liking him a little bit.

Speaker 2: 11:16

Yeah, we thought again. I thought putting jokes on and stuff like that, trying to make a laugh, just to feel out to see how she moved. Again. I ended up meeting a girl at the debit time. You know, I told my me I leave. I remember one day in the car, when she dropped my phone, I say I leave all the girls alone. You just give me one chance. And they got it right there. She gave me that chance. I broke up with my girl. Well, we already had problems. I ended up breaking up with you and you know how to do it.

Speaker 1: 11:50

Yeah, so it's a lie in between it. Don't let. Don't let. Mr Simifoo, y'all, not for one beat, for one beat. Yeah, I first child. Okay, so he fast forward real quick. Okay, so we had a. What was our first date?

Speaker 2: 12:07

Margarita.

Speaker 1: 12:08

Okay, so we went to Margarita's our first day, which is crazy Cause y'all we right here you remember when we went to Margarita, when we began for my birthday. And here we are Wow, this is crazy. Okay, so we went to a restaurant, a Mexican restaurant, which is still open to this day, which is crazy because that was over 17 years ago. So we went to this Mexican restaurant called Margaritas which used to be my favorite Mexican restaurant here called Margaritas for my birthday, and that's when we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. Okay, so we're going to fast forward a little bit. So we graduated high school that following year, in May. And what happened once we graduated high school?

Speaker 2: 12:58

Probably a couple of weeks later, we ended up breaking up. Well, we broke up, probably about a month. Cause you wanted to go to school and see, do other not do it, not me or other people, but just see where your life take you to.

Speaker 1: 13:12

Yeah, I wanted to experience life.

Speaker 2: 13:14

Everybody wants to see what everything is going to be. You know what I'm saying? It's just don't be in shock, no.

Speaker 1: 13:19

Shaked up. It's not like an old person Shaked up.

Speaker 2: 13:23

Like you had cause like yeah.

Speaker 1: 13:26

So if, if you guys remember, earlier during the episode, I told you guys I had always been in a relationship Like as long as I can remember, even in middle school, I had always been in a dog I'm in a dog on relationship. So when I graduated high school and getting ready to go out to college, I told Corey and it was no ill will towards Corey, we still were cool, but I wanted to go out into college life and I really wanted to just live my life and see what life had to offer me as a single woman, an independent woman. And lo and behold what happens when I get out to cop, you kind of got about two good months.

Speaker 2: 14:08

maybe two months. It won't be too much work, Probably won't even a month. You end up getting pregnant.

Speaker 1: 14:16

So I get out to college and I'm there maybe a month and I start getting really sick and I could not figure out what was wrong with me. Some days I couldn't even get out of my bed in my dorm room and my roommate was, like you know, asking me what's going on. And I ended up calling my best friend, who did not live far from my college, and she came and picked me up one day and we went to the doctor and, lo and behold, I am pregnant. So I, just not even a month before, broke up with my boyfriend. Now here I am, having to call him and say that I am pregnant. How did you feel when I called you?

Speaker 2: 15:01

I mean, I ain't know what to think of you. You got that by doing your thing. I don't know what you doing. I was still, I don't know. I can't recall how I feel. I mean it wasn't. I'm happy that she prayed. I'm like, well, what I'm supposed to do? I'm 18, 17, 17 years old. I ain't know what to do. I mean, I don't know. I can't say how it happened, I can't say how mad. I just say, well, we just can't agree with her, figure it out. We can't get together. I don't know. We got back together right then and there we don't talk about it or whatever, but I don't know what type of feeling, because it's a different feeling you not being together and you call him and tell him about you pregnant. I'm like, who the heck?

Speaker 1: 15:45

is pregnant. Okay, well, I was completely disappointed. I didn't want a child, I didn't want to be in a relationship. I didn't want any parts of this. I didn't want no parts of this because I, growing up, I didn't want to be a mom, I didn't want to be a wife. I didn't want any of these. So I was completely disappointed in my. It's like because, if you guys have been rocking with me for a while, you know my background, you know the history. My mom and my dad had me when my mom was 19 and she dropped out of college and I was like, here I go, repeating the same cycle, the same story. This is not what I wanted for my life. And here I am doing the same exact thing. I was just, if I'm going to be honest, I was hurt, like I was disgusted, I was all of the things. That's how I feel. I just I couldn't beat myself up anymore than I did. I just I was not happy about it at all, but I ended up coming to terms with it. I got myself together, I pulled myself up out of it. I was just not happy about it at all. Okay, so we graduated 2007, 2008. The following year, we had our first child, I was 19. So we're babies, having a baby, having to figure out life and grow up pretty quickly. So, fast forward. We have our first son, our first child, and now, two years later, 2010, we're having another child. So 2010,. A lot has happened. What all happened in 2010?

Speaker 2: 17:34

We get married in 2010. That's a new journey that we started on. Yeah, yeah, we got our second baby.

Speaker 1: 17:43

Okay, so from my perspective, 2010, in February, I gave my life to Christ, in June we ended up getting married and then in September, we had our second child, mariah. So now we have a two year old and an infant child, and we're married. Okay, so how was that for you?

Speaker 2: 18:15

Roughly. You know what I'm saying. Having two kids don't know what direction I'm going in in life, Working two jobs, trying to figure out trying to pay bills, Don't know how it don't have no sense of how to handle money, no sense of how to manage their money. It was kind of rough. It was a rough time. Yeah, I think that was enough. An example of married people coming from a broken home and I was broken myself, Not knowing that I was broken at the time. Throughout counseling and stuff like that, you realize how broken you are, how loving and attentive that you didn't get, but you want to give that to your kids and stuff Everybody get. I got cold feet. I thought the way because I didn't know anything about marriage. Now I got three people to take care of. I was supposed to be. I don't know what direction I'm going in at. So I'm trying to figure out what I want to do for life Work, a two job, trying to uphold it, take care of the household. I mean it was a rough time for me because I didn't ever had that example of a man trying to take care of his family. So there was a lot of resentment there because I got all the pressure on me to take care of family. So we there was some rough times in our marriage when I was both wanted to give up. A certain time I wanted to give up, she wanted to give up. If it weren't for God keeping us together or we just driving to know God better, I don't think it would have worked. But both of us are trying to be on the same path, giving our life to Christ. That when we first became believers and gave our life to Christ, yeah.

Speaker 1: 19:59

So I agree, the first years of marriage was really hard Because, again, I told you guys, growing up, I do not want to be married. That was not. You know, you hear women and young ladies saying you know, that's their dream, that's the goal. Like marriage is the thing that they're striving for, that's the thing that they really want. I was never. I was never that girl Like because what I saw, the examples I saw, was marriage. It was never, ever to go for me Like this is what marriage looks like. If this is what marriage is supposed to be, I don't want any parts of this Like uh-uh, no. So it was never my desire. But when I gave my life right, that's why so much transpired in that year of 2010. Because at the top of the year, when I gave my life to Christ in February, my heart changed. It was like I have this child and I'm not one of those people to promote. Just because you have a child with someone, you guys need to be married. You now need to be together. I will never say that because everybody don't need to be in a relationship and everybody on me to be, married to people that they have children with, because everybody shouldn't even have children together. But I knew Corey was the person that I wanted to be with, like he was the person that I wanted to be in relationship with. So now we have these two children together. Well, we have our son, and now I'm pregnant with our daughter, mariah. And it's like I've given my life to Christ and my heart had changed and this is real for me, like this is not something that I'm just doing, I'm not gonna be one of the people that just go to church, and this is what show. And it's something in me had changed and it was like, lord, I really wanna be right with you. I wanna live my life for you. This is real for me. So I wanted to do those things that would please him. So Corey used to say that I gave him an ultimatum. I don't like that, because I don't even agree with ultimatum. I think people should be free to choose what they wanna choose. But I did tell Corey that either we're going to cause we were living together but we were not married. I told him we're either going to live separately or we're going to. If we're going to live together, we're gonna have to get married.

Speaker 2: 22:54

No, we said we were gonna get married or we're gonna be together. No, you're on that word.

Speaker 1: 23:00

I never said we had to break up. I never said we had to break up I was waiting to. I was waiting to did you, but we weren't gonna be having sex. What? That was the thing. That's why you did it. Now, you knew we weren't gonna have sex we. And that was another thing. Corey and I stopped having sex until we got married cause I was for real, like I was really serious about this thing when I gave my life to Christ.

Speaker 2: 23:26

I'm 20 years old, I'm 19, and she talking about can't have sex. I'm about to jump out my pants, she talking about can't have sex. I had to have a lot of simple trouble not to go out there and mess around because I knew this is what I hoped for when I was in the sixth or seventh grade when a woman change her behavior and not go out to the club and do this with your friends. I'm 19 years old, I wanted to do them that, but I thought I had some more important and I saw my future with her. So I gave up this stuff, sacrificed this stuff to build what I want for the future.

Speaker 1: 24:05

And that was the choice that you made on your own.

Speaker 2: 24:07

But you did give me an ultimate. You said, man, cause something else had transpired, to make that, you to make the ultimate.

Speaker 1: 24:16

That's not an ultimatum, though it's different.

Speaker 2: 24:19

I said you either give me or we don't be together. You say we're not be together.

Speaker 1: 24:27

We're living separate. We were living separate. No, we were living together, but we were living together. I didn't say we couldn't be together. I said we would not live together and we wouldn't have sex. That's what I said. I did that. That was the truth.

Speaker 2: 24:45

I didn't miss that. You hear, you hear that. You just hear what you want here.

Speaker 1: 24:51

I know you heard what you wanted to hear, cause I never once said we had to break up. But I'm not telling you guys to do what I did at all. Do what you want to do, but that's how important my relationship with God was. Even though I loved Corey and I wanted to be with Corey, I also wanted to please God and that was more important to me. So, again, I'm not telling y'all what to do, but I was not going to continue to live with Corey and have sex with Corey and not be married. That's what I wasn't going to do. But I also was not going to break up with Corey. I just I wasn't going to continue to live the same way that we were. So we ended up getting married. But those first two years of marriage was really hard, cause we were kids, we were young, we didn't have good examples of healthy marriages going up, so we really were starting from scratch. We had to figure out how to make our marriage work and figure it out on our own, and we started to get a healthy community and learn how to communicate and all of those things on our own, you know. So, yeah, okay. So fast forward. When did marriage start getting better for you. When did it start like, and not like perfect cause, no marriage is perfect. But I'm saying when did it get from cause? Man, it was a hot get-all-miss and again I'm just going to be completely honest with y'all. It was a hot. Y'all been right for me, y'all been listening to the podcast, y'all know a little bit and I'm not going to get into all the details of that one day. One day, one day I'll tell the story, but it was a hot get-all-miss in the beginning. So when did you begin to see a shield and things begin to look better.

Speaker 2: 27:06

I don't know, I'm maybe like year six or seven.

Speaker 1: 27:11

Maybe I'm not accurate with that, but what do you think changed from your perspective?

Speaker 2: 27:17

I'm not expecting to leave. When I got cause you know where the man you want to be able to provide for these families. That's a stressful thing for me. That's being able to provide. So I'm in and out of different jobs. So once I got a job that had cold on our figure, that job can help take care of the family. When I got a pay raise and stuff like that, one of the stuff started coming down for me. And then I see an example at the church. America was a church in America. 30, 40 years. They giving advice, learning how to communicate, learning how to not take everything personally in the relationship, not taking everything personally, looking at the bigger picture about everything. Really, my relationship with God at the time, getting to know God, being more patient, you know you learn how to love them. So I know that I wanted this. So I knew I wasn't going nowhere. We were just being able to financially, to be financially stable, to take care of kids and my wife and the household. That would change for me. That was a big jump in my big step in my life. That made me feel more comfortable.

Speaker 1: 28:34

Okay, okay.

Speaker 2: 28:37

And another thing, before she get started, the change in you like when I get I'm making mad, you didn't get mad like you used to. It's like you'll be slower, slower and stuff like that, like you were learning, you know, let's show God that changed me to not be quick, to be to get upset and stuff. So we kind of fed off each other a little bit, like I learned a lot from you and your relationship and then once you thought it was gonna change, it means that we just broke that barrier between us when we began to communicate love on each other. Who, the more than we were and we were separated for you. I wanted this, you want that.

Speaker 1: 29:20

Okay, that's real For me. I think after maybe like those ooh, I can't put, I am too y'all my. I have a horrible memory like timelines, I'm terrible with them, but I can tell you, the shield for me happened is when I began to first growing my relationship with Christ, like when I got closer to Christ, like in my personal relationship with him and I began to change internally. It began to reflect in my marriage, not only in my marriage and my life period, but that began to reflect in my marriage, like how my husband just said, how I began to get slow, to get angry, like when he would get upset or react to something. Like I would not let how he acted or responded make me respond that way. And that was because of my relationship with Christ. Like the time I was spending with God like cause we had got to such a negative place Like I would begin to pray more. I was listening to like I'm a huge fan of Tony Evans. That was the time of my life where I was listening to a lot of Tony Evans, like when we were not in church or Bible study. I was listening to Tony Evans podcast a lot. I was studying in my Bible Like I was really like soaking up God so much. My favorite scripture is second Corinthians, 12 and nine God's grace is sufficient. There was a time in my life where I was like that was coming alive to me because I was really needing to lean on God, like this is such a hard time in my life, like Lord, I need you. And that scripture came alive to me, like my grace is sufficient for you, monique, I am enough for you during this time, like I'm with you, you're good, like I'm enough, I'm enough, I'm enough. God just became so real to me during that season of our marriage and that time in my life. And also I was dealing with my anger issues. In the beginning of our marriage and even before we got married, I had a lot of anger issues. I, before Corey and I got together, I was in an abusive relationship and when Corey and I got together, I still had a lot of that stuff in me. So I was dealing with a lot of anger issues and I just didn't know how to control it. So every time something happened, my first response was always anger, like I didn't know, had no other way to respond. So once God really started dealing with me with all that anger that I had in my heart because of so many things that happened in my life. I just had a lot of anger in me and once God really began to deal with all of the anger in me and all this stuff begins of Corey out of me and get rid of all that anger, that really took a, made a change in our relationship and in our marriage. You just really affected us in a positive way and I could see the difference in how I talked to my husband and how it was funded to my husband and how it acted with my husband, and it just made a total difference in our relationship. So, yeah, okay, so let's fast forward. So five, four, five, six years later, the marriage is getting better. So we are. Let's talk about when we buy our home. So we purchased our home in 2017. How was it?

Speaker 2: 33:29

That was a good moment. That was a proud moment for me, for us. It wasn't just for me. It was a proud moment for us at that time Purchase our home, because we was in an apartment from goddamn 2017 to what? 2018. You said that, like that for bad things, I know, but I'm saying to make that a company that I didn't ever think would get a house, because you pushed me to get it, because I wasn't gonna even try to get a house, I was good.

Speaker 1: 33:56

I was it. You actually were not. You just thought we couldn't get a house.

Speaker 2: 34:00

Yeah, I thought we couldn't get a house because, like I said, then nobody teach you. Teach us, I don't know about you. But then nobody teach me you do know. Well, then nobody teach us how to go about credit house. Well, you had multiple cars. Well, somebody got them for you. So we really didn't know nothing. We grew up together so we really figured that ain't that. But you took the lead and figured, figured things out, and then, once you started teaching me certain things, I started to figure stuff out and we went on from there and they were the proud moments for us and how you wrote about a house a thousand times before we closed.

Speaker 1: 34:46

I'm glad you pointed that out. So that's one of the beautiful things about our journey of love, our love story. Corey and I have been together since we were kids, so we have grown up together and it is some hard things about that, but it's also a lot of beautiful things about it, because we have been on an adventure together. We literally experienced everything together. I taught him how to drive, even though he didn't know how to admit that you know about it.

Speaker 2: 35:22

You taught him how to drive correctly.

Speaker 1: 35:25

OK, I taught him how to drive correctly.

Speaker 2: 35:27

So you did teach me how to drive. Come on, like you did, I'm going to use a pad to teach you how to drive. No, yeah, don't do that. Don't do that.

Speaker 1: 35:40

He learned how to drive while we were together. I did not learn how to drive.

Speaker 2: 35:46

Yeah, you did teach me how to drive, so I learned how to drive.

Speaker 1: 35:50

I just said it to make you feel better. You learn how to drive while we were together, ok, ok. Ok, we bought our first home together. We bought our first. Well, we bought his first car together. We've had a lot of firsts together. We took our first vacation together. Like again, we've been on this adventure because we got together so young. We've had a lot of firsts and we've been on this adventure together, alongside, over 17 years together. So we talked about the house. So fast forward past that. Oh, zoe Gray. So our third and last baby. Let's talk about that. So this is our only child that we planned. So let's talk about the gap. So our son and our first son, our first child, and our first daughter, our second child. They're two and a half years apart. Neither one of them was planned or we didn't prepare for them. But our baby girl, our last child, zoe Grace, she's the baby of the bunch. We actually planned for her and I waited a long. Corey actually asked for this last child for a few years. How long did you ask for her? Four or five years, four or five years Y'all. I was not ready for another baby, just for context purposes. I have terrible pregnancy. I am sick from the time I get pregnant to the time I deliver the child. I am sick the entire pregnancy. So I am never looking forward to a pregnancy. So we I waited over 10 years to decide that I wanted to have this child, so let's talk about that. When I agreed to have Zoe, do you remember that?

Speaker 2: 37:54

I don't know exactly when you agreed to do it. I don't know exactly when you asked about the exact date, but I remember when we agreed to do it I was excited.

Speaker 1: 38:03

Yeah, do you remember how I announced?

Speaker 2: 38:04

it. Well, you announced. Well, we agreed to. Oh, we agreed to you to announce. You announced that you gave me a gift from one of the tree that you agreed.

Speaker 1: 38:16

No, you don't remember. I gave you the birth control that I was ready to start. You don't remember.

Speaker 2: 38:34

Okay, you gave me the box you did, did.

Speaker 1: 38:38

I will stop in my birth control.

Speaker 2: 38:40

I didn't know the president treated the pregnancy that you, I do it. When you give me that five, I want it was that that was a day I'm gonna go there. Follow them on birthday. You give me that five, you want them day. What about you gave me your?

Speaker 1: 38:55

birth control. That was Christmas, that was a Christmas gift.

Speaker 2: 39:00

It show would they want the prince? Yeah you sure?

Speaker 1: 39:04

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 39:05

Yeah, you sure, yeah, they will get pretty good yeah, see if you can get these important Now. I thought it was the pregnancy tip, but there was oh, that was a birth control.

Speaker 1: 39:16

Did, I will stop in birth control, okay. So, um, how did you feel? Because it took us almost a year to be afraid you would do it without it, because I had been on birth control. I had been on birth control for almost 10 years. I got on birth control right after having the riot. I've been on birth control almost 10 years but for some odd crazy reason, we thought we were going to be pregnant as soon as I stopped the birth control. How foolish of us. So how did you feel when we weren't getting pregnant Quickly?

Speaker 2: 39:53

This girl. It's that city disappointment on your face. I was disappointed. I was disappointed. I feel like it's what it is. We're going to have another child. I like you, but without the birth control. There's everybody by that difference. I just kind of accepted that we were going to have yeah.

Speaker 1: 40:24

Okay. So how did you feel once we found out we were pregnant?

Speaker 2: 40:29

I was excited because there's an experience that I never had. Cj was a shock, roy was a shock. This one we actually planned and then actually not saying that we won't know our other kids, but saying this one was stable. We've been married for a while and we can see the direction our marriage is going. At that time we didn't see it, we just winging it. When we had CJ, we were on the path but we didn't know where we were going to go. We didn't know what we wanted to do. You still wanted to go to school. You still trying to figure out what you wanted to do, and I was trying to figure out how I want to take care of two kids. And why is that? Because that's a big deal, but it was a piece of mind when I had a layout already.

Speaker 1: 41:24

Okay, so fast. I'm fast forward a little bit and I'm going to go backwards. Okay, so we pregnant with Zoe and now COVID hits. So I'm pregnant with Zoe, I've, covid hit something, this pandemic, something we've never seen. It's hit all over the world and we're pregnant with this child. I'm starting a new job, and how is this for you? What are you feeling? As the father, the head of the home, the provider, the husband? Your wife is pregnant with this baby. I was in the middle of a pandemic. How do you feel about this? And I've never actually been. I was scared because I didn't know.

Speaker 2: 42:18

I mean, everything was shut down, people died, definitely right. I didn't know how it was going to affect you and the baby If you were to get sick. See, I still work both jobs. I'm working and asking people and trying not to come home and give it to you. I mean, it was just a scary moment at the very beginning when the little bastard came out.

Speaker 1: 42:44

Okay. So we are in the hospital getting ready to deliver the baby. Again, we're in the middle of a pandemic, so everything is completely different. You can't have any visitors, it's only you and I, and you can't leave, because once you leave, they're not even allowing you back in. So this is a completely different experience because it's completely new. How was that experience, that birthing experience for you, with you and I? What is just being us? We can't bring out other kids.

Speaker 2: 43:15

It's just you and me and I just took it out of the time to reflect and try to enjoy you in the new baby. That's how I took it, yeah, and taking everything in one by one. I just kept going away. I want to enjoy that. If I had a kid with me or other people in the room, they tried to take care of it, they tried to hold the baby. That was just the time where I could hold the baby myself, take care of you, and we just enjoyed that moment right there.

Speaker 1: 43:51

It turned into a good thing. Yeah, I actually agree with that too. I didn't know how I felt about it at first because my mom had always been there when I always delivered with the other kids. So I didn't know how I felt about that, but it was actually a beautiful experience, like would it just be you and me? Like it was really a beautiful experience that bundled time, like you said, just for you and me. And then, once she got here, just to have that time to connect with just you, me and her. So I agree with you. Okay. So I want to rewind a little bit. I want to talk about the first home, the first place. We talked about buying our first home in our cars and now we're going to get ready to close out. And I want to close out with something that I think is very important, and I kind of want to talk about therapy, because therapy has kind of gotten us to the place where we are now, which is in a much better place than we've been in a long time Bye in a much healthier place. So we and I say I'm rewinding because we first began couple's therapy, do you remember?

Speaker 2: 45:11

I remember talking about going to counseling with unco there was something that I didn't want to do.

Speaker 1: 45:18

When did we first start talking about?

Speaker 2: 45:19

it. Do you remember? We started having problems and I guess both of them want to give up on it and I know I wanted to beat this. So I said, well, I tried, but there was no, I was not going to go. I tried to avoid it the best way I could put it off so long that you, you need to go counseling, you need to go counseling. So I said to pump it up, we went, anyone how I thought it was going to be.

Speaker 1: 45:47

So we started going in 2019 before the pandemic. Okay, so we started with couple's therapy. Yes, we started going to couple's Like. Yes, we started going a couple's therapy in 2019.

Speaker 2: 46:02

But I really just been uncomfortable until I really experienced it for myself. Once I got in them, they made you feel at home and it just felt that it won no judgment and that's what I was thinking. They put it on judge and they put it on be on a white side, but she was really our therapy, was really there for us to get on the same page. We didn't. So my experience with therapy was it's everybody should be angels. Eric Chum don't want to be scared to go Because you know I mean, that ain't nothing that brought up in the black truth is both therapy that I knew about, but it was very uncomfortable for me 2019 going therapy. I didn't want to go. It was very uncomfortable Because I don't want to do something. I ain't gonna do it. It was a need that we needed to go. I set the appointment up in 2019. He did and we went on our first appointment. I remember that same day I was like what I'm gonna say? I'm scared, I don't know what I ain't got myself into. I'm gonna make up excuse. I used to. I made up excuse. So I went up into the land. I got a little tired from working on the steel work Too tired. I read he ain't got to go in here. Put my feelings out there that I'm not used to doing. It was a very uncomfortable experience for me but at the end, once I started getting comfortable, it was okay.

Speaker 1: 47:35

How long it took you to get comfortable, Maybe a couple weeks a couple months.

Speaker 2: 47:41

Not about a couple months, I don't about say a couple weeks. I know you're lying, but I still still making an excuse not to go to the same time.

Speaker 1: 47:50

Y'all, this, y'all. Every week we would go this man. He would have an attitude. It's like every time it's time for the session, he be mad, he gotta be laid. It's like he gotta do something right before the session. Man, I'm like okay, okay.

Speaker 2: 48:07

But what I?

Speaker 1: 48:08

told him because we don't get me wrong we really needed that and I knew it. I wasn't excited about going either. I was really not excited about going either, but I knew we needed it. We had got stuck in this place where we just kept doing the same thing and y'all already know you can not keep doing the same thing and expect different results. So I knew we needed it. But I told him it's a church life. I told him if he didn't make the appointment, because if he wasn't gonna be Allian, I was not going to do it. Because one thing about therapy, when it comes to couple therapy, if both partners not going to be Allian, it's not going to work. One partner can't do it all by themselves. Both partners gotta be Allian. That's the only way it's going to work. So when he made the appointment and agreed to be Allian Not just the only thing that worked- you gotta be Allian to hear the thing, to hear the truth about yourself at the same time. That's what you know, what Allian is.

Speaker 2: 49:13

Yeah, but I want them to know we are Allian, that's it true, that's real, because she's gonna tell you the truth. And then it's gonna be some stuff that you hear that might hurt you at the same time. But if you in it, like you say Allian, you won't take it personal. You're taking it as a building block to continue marriage and help build a marriage that's real, a foundation.

Speaker 1: 49:35

Yeah, and I will say this because every person, every couple you guys may not be, as you may not be, like us to find the perfect therapist for you guys. The first try, because my husband fell in love with our therapist out of the first rib, like he was like oh yes, yeah, because both partners have to like the therapist. You can't go in and only the husband likes the therapist or only the wife likes the therapist. Both of you guys have to like the therapist for this to work. Because if both of you guys are not comfortable, it's not going to work. Because if the person, one of you guys don't like them, one of you, the person that don't like them, they're not gonna open up, they're not gonna feel comfortable, they're not gonna share, they're not gonna be real. So if you guys both don't like the therapist, it's okay to break up with that therapist and find somebody else. It's okay to shop around, to look around and find somebody you guys are both comfortable with. It just worked out well for us that we fell in love with our therapist the first try. But that's not the case for everybody. Some people have to look around and find out what works for them. So I do want to encourage you there. If you find somebody and they not the right fit, it don't mean that anything is wrong with you guys or that it's anything wrong with it there because they're just not the right fit for you. So continue to look around, keep the door open, keep being optimistic. I don't want you to think that something's wrong with therapy because that therapist didn't work out. Just continue to look and find somebody that works for the both of you guys. But, mr Simmons, as we close out, what do you think were the biggest things that helped our marriage from therapy?

Speaker 2: 51:24

Patience communication accepting my faults, accepting your fault and just coming together.

Speaker 1: 51:34

That's what helped you.

Speaker 2: 51:35

Yeah, that will help me.

Speaker 1: 51:37

You patient.

Speaker 2: 51:39

I'm more patient than I will be before I went there. I listen more. Y'all still working on my communication, you know.

Speaker 1: 51:49

I mean it's a working progress, okay okay, okay, Alrighty, and I do want to say this that also helped us from therapy. We started couples therapy in 2019. But Corey and I both as of last year 2022, we started doing individual therapy and that took us to a whole other level because we started out working on our marriage. But a lot of stuff that we were doing in couples therapy we found out we needed some individual work. There were things that we needed to work on within our cell that came from our family background, how we grew up our mindsets about things, some childhood trauma, some things we just personally needed to work on. And once we began to dive into those things and begin to work on those things, that really took our marriage to another level. And I'm not talking about just some good wage jobs, because when you begin to start doing it hard, hard work in yourself, and you begin to find out some things about you that you didn't realize, man, it can be hard and it can be hard on your marriage, but it gets you beyond that surface stuff. And that's where Corey and I are in our marriage right now, just to be completely transparent. But I'm glad we are doing it work, because that's taken us to a whole other level in our relationship, so I hope you guys have enjoyed this. I really hope you guys have enjoyed this. Mr Simmons, appreciate you for coming out.

Speaker 2: 53:33

I really appreciate you.

Speaker 1: 53:34

Anytime you mean it. Best of best podcast in relation. What Thank you, though? I really appreciate you and thank you for 13 years of marriage and over 17 years of being a girl. I'm glad you're in my life, bitch.

Speaker 2: 53:47

You're welcome. We just all pay attention to it. All right, I'm a million man. Peace out Everybody. Have a good night, Peace.

Speaker 1: 53:55

All right to my listeners. Remember I love you, but God loves you so much more. I'll see you next week. Bye, I hope you guys have enjoyed Follow me on Facebook at demo with Moe. If you have any questions you would like answered here live on my podcast, email them to me at demo with Moe at gmailcom. That's D-E-M-O-W-I-T-H-M-O-E-G-M-L-Scom. Thank you.