Transcript
WEBVTT
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What's up, guys?
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Welcome to Demo with Mo.
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I'm your host, monique Simmons.
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We'll be discussing dating, engaged and married objectives from a young Christian's perspective.
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Are you guys ready?
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Let's dive in.
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Hey, what's up, guys?
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Welcome to a new episode of Demo with Mo.
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I am your host, monique Simmons, and today we are going to be discussing liking your partner.
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Liking your partner or spouse involves feelings of closeness, respect, warmth and admiration.
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You enjoy spending time with them, feel comfortable and respected in their presence, appreciate their qualities and generally find them pleasant to be around.
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If any of that sounds familiar to you, you might like your partner.
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To you, you might like your partner.
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So we're going to talk about some key aspects of liking your partner or your spouse and some signs that you like them.
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So, if any of these things sound familiar to you, maybe you share some of these things with your partner.
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You have some of these things in your relationship or your marriage.
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Beautiful, absolutely beautiful.
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I am convinced and this is my own personal opinion, but I am convinced that relationships that have the foundation of a friendship, the foundation where partners really genuinely like one another, they thrive, because one day the looks will fade.
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One day there may be weight gain or weight loss.
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One day there may be health issues.
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One day you guys may come against some things that will shake the relationship.
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One day you will face things you thought you would never face in your relationship or marriage and you're going to have to have something that sustains you, something that's not necessarily vain, not necessarily something that's just outwardly.
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You're going to have to have something of value, of character, of where you can look at your partner and say I legit, like you, like.
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I legit like the person that I see looking back at me.
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I know your motives are right towards me, I know you care about me, I know you are concerned about me.
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I know it's more to it than just what I offer you, what I look like, what I bring to the table, is.
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This new generation likes to say but you legit, like me as a person, as a human being, and I like you.
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You know what I'm saying.
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So that's what we're discussing on today.
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So signs a couple likes each other, each other, physical affection.
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You guys like to touch one another, maybe hold hands, maybe rub the back of your partner's neck.
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Maybe you know you're walking by and you may touch their butt, you know, rub their arm, touch their back at the end of the night.
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My husband likes to get his back rubbed every night.
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That's the physical affection that I show him because that's the way he likes to receive love.
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But whatever that physical affection is, it's like you can't get enough.
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You want to be in contact physically.
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You want to be able to touch one another when you get the chance.
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The next one is eye contact.
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You're not checked out, you're not zoned out In the middle of a conversation.
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You're not looking in your phone, you're not wandering off into space Like if your partner or your spouse is talking to you.
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You are looking them directly in their eyes.
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This is a big one for me.
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I think I mentioned this in our conversation in a previous episode.
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Like I'm big on eye contact when you're talking to somebody, it's just mad respect.
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When you're talking to somebody, look them in their eyes, sharing inside jokes.
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I thought this one was so cute.
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If you guys maybe on a date with another couple or hanging out with family or at an event, whatever it is, but you guys, just the two of you, it's something that you share.
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No one outside of your little bubble, no one else knows about it, not even your kids.
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No one knows about it.
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It's just something that you guys share between the two of you.
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It's an inside joke.
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That's a sign that you guys like one another.
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Next, they hang out one-on-one way more.
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So it's not like the opposite of liking each other, where you can't wait to get away from one another, you can't wait to get to work, you can't wait to go hang out with your boys or hang out with your girlfriends, you can't wait on your next solo trip.
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You can't wait to get away from them.
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But it's the complete opposite.
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I can't wait till we get a date night.
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I can't wait for us to have some one-on-one time.
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I can't wait for the end of the night for us to catch up on our favorite TV show.
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It's like you can't wait for that one-on-one time.
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You enjoy that, you thrive on that.
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You desire that.
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You can.
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You can't wait for.
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You want it more and more and more.
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It's not like you're trying to isolate and always be with them, because you still desire that individualism.
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You still desire to have your own time and, you know, do your own thing and pour into your own cup.
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But it's like if you have the opportunity to be together, to hang out to date.
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You desired it, you want it.
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You're not trying to get away from it.
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Body language, body language is a sign that you guys like each other.
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You can just see it when you don't like one another.
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You got a front with me because I know I've been there in my own relationship.
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You can tell the difference when you are in a bad spot with your partner or your spouse versus when you guys are really in a good place and you like one another.
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You're not trying to ice them out, rolling your eyes, standoffish, isolated, don't want to be around them, versus when you guys are really in a good place and you're really liking one another.
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You know you want to be close, you want to be in their space, you want to touch them.
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You know you laughing, you know it's just.
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Though you can see the body language is just different.
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You're open.
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You're not shut off and closed off.
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The body language just shows Next one, showing vulnerability.
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You feel safe.
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You feel safe.
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Emotionally you feel safe and when you emotionally feel safe, you open up.
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You share things.
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They hold space for you.
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You share things that you probably necessarily wouldn't share with them when you don't like them, when you guys are not in a good space, you don't want to share things because you don't feel safe.
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Next, the little things make you smile, oh man.
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When you really liking your partner or your spouse, when you guys really like each other, when you're really in a good space, the little things make you smile.
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They can just crack a joke.
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And they don't even have to crack a joke.
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They can just be telling you about their day, what they ate for lunch, who they talked to, who got on their nerves, and you could just be smiling from ear to ear.
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It's just the fact of talking to them, being with them, being in their presence, hearing their voice it just makes you smile.
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The little things, the fact they thought about you, you know you're having a conversation with them, you were on their mind the little things make you smile.
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But think about it.
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When you're not in a good place, here they go again.
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They're complaining again, they're on me again.
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You know what do they want?
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Now?
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It's just like it's no grace there.
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It's just like everything is a bothering, everything is a nag or it's just irritating.
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But it's the opposite.
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When you guys like each other and when you're in a good spot, they help you meet your needs when you really like each other.
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That's a sign you want to meet.
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If your partner or your spouse has a need, you want to meet it.
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You're breaking your neck to meet the need.
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They want something to eat.
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Let me go get them something to eat.
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Let me cook them a meal.
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They need something from the store.
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Let me run to the store.
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They're overwhelmed at work.
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How can I take something off their plate?
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And you can tell the difference when you guys are not there.
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You encourage each other.
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When you guys like each other, you encourage one another.
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They're stressed, they're overwhelmed, they're dealing with a lot.
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They have a lot on their plate.
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They have a lot going on.
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Something happened in their life.
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They're feeling it.
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You encourage one another.
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You got this.
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Keep going.
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I got your back.
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I'm here for you.
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I'm not going anywhere.
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You encourage them.
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Comfortable silence.
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This is one of my favorites out of these.
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When you guys are liking each other in a really good space, you have that friendship, that connection.
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Man, you feeling good.
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It's just like that good girlfriend or that.
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I don't know, because I'm a woman so I'm not really sure.
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I don't want to speak from the man's perspective.
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And men, friendships are a little different.
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They're a little different to me.
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You know, man, I'm not trying to talk about y'all, but y'all weird Y'all.
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But y'all weird, y'all, y'all, y'all.
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Some of y'all, some of y'all are weird.
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Y'all could be friends with somebody for 20 years and don't really know a lot about each other.
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I don't know how y'all do it.
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I don't know how y'all do it, but, ladies, it's like you have that good girlfriend and y'all could be sitting in the room and don't have to do anything.
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You can be doing your thing, she can be doing her thing.
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But to be in one another's presence, y'all can have a great time and it's nothing Like, that's no issue, that y'all can sit there especially.
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I'm talking about a good girlfriend, I'm not talking about an associate, but I'm talking about a really good girlfriend.
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Both of y'all can be sitting there doing y'all own things in y'all own worlds, but it's the fact that y'all in one another's presence and y'all can have a great time.
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That's how it is.
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When you really like one another in your relationship, your partner can be on his phone or her phone or doing whatever, just literally doing your own thing, but just in the room with one another, in one another's presence and it can be comfortable silence.
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Nobody's thinking about what the other one's doing, who they're talking to, what's going on in their mind.
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Would they rather be someone else?
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No, none of that is happening.
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But think about when you're in a bad place, when you guys have had conflict or trust issues or broken promises or lies in the past, when you guys are just unsure about one another or the relationship, because that has happened in relationships too.
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Now I'm not trying to act like everybody's in a good place all the time, because sometimes we have to have repairs in our relationship, repairs in our marriage.
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We have to fix broken things.
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But I just want you to take a moment to think about when things aren't good.
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The silence isn't always comfortable.
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Sometimes the silence doesn't feel good.
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Sometimes the silence is uncomfortable.
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Sometimes you're wondering, well, what's on their mind?
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Why aren't they talking?
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Why aren't they sharing with me?
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Why aren't things like they used to be?
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Sometimes that silence gets real uncomfortable.
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But when you guys are in a really good place, when you're really connecting, when you're really feeling like friends, comfortable silence is a beautiful thing.
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You accept their flaws, man.
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When you really like each other, you extend a lot more grace.
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You guys can get away with a lot more that you would not let each other get away with.
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When you're not in a good place, man, when you're not and I'll speak for myself when my husband and I are not in a good place, because I am naturally a critical person, and not just in my marriage.
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I'm critical as a mom, I'm just critical in general, just naturally.
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That's something I have to work at daily.
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That's something I have to confess in my prayers and I've gotten a whole lot better.
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I'm talking about a whole lot better.
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But that comes from my relationship with Christ.
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That comes from a lot of confession.
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That comes from a lot of repenting.
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That comes from a lot of confession.
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That comes from a lot of repenting.
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That comes from a lot of apologizing apologizing to my husband, apologizing to my children.
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That comes from me surrendering that thing, because I am a naturally critical person In my flesh.
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I am naturally critical.
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So when my husband and I are not in a good place, when we have issues in our relationship, naturally that comes out more.
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It just does.
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It does.
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So I have to be mindful of that thing.
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So when we're in a really good place, I am more gracious.
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I am more gracious.
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You are more able to accept your partner's flaws when things are really going good.
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Things that you would probably be critical of if you weren't in a good place, things that you would probably call out or be putting a magnifying glass on or talking about more often.
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Things that you wouldn't let necessarily them get away with and I'm putting quotation marks on because your partner is not a child and you don't let them get away with anything because they are an adult.
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But I mean you would be saying something about, you wouldn't just not say anything.
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But when you guys are in a good place, you are more gracious.
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You are more able to accept their flaws.
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Next, they pay attention to you.
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When you guys are in a good place, your partner and you should be looking at one another.
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You should be paying attention to things, paying attention to what they have going on in their life, paying attention to the things they like, they dislike, the things they're desiring right now, the things that they're into their hobbies, like.
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These are things you should be paying attention to.
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And when you guys are really in a good place, you really are connected.
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You really are into one another, liking each other.
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You are naturally paying attention to these things, but when you're not in a good place, you could care less.
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You could really care less.
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So these are signs that you guys like each other.
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You laugh when you're with them, man, you have a good time with each other.
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You just when you're with them, man, you have a good time with each other.
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You just everything makes you laugh, the jokes that aren't really funny, that nobody else probably would laugh at, but you, because you just you're connected, you're in a good place, you're liking one another and, last but not least, you spend genuine good time together.
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Not only are you guys together, but you are spending genuine good time together.
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You are enjoying this time together and it's genuine.
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You want to be there, you desire to be there and you are enjoying one another's company.
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Okay, so those are all signs that a couple likes each other.
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So now we're going to dive into key aspects of liking your partner.
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What does this look like?
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How do we do it?
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How do we get better at this?
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Because you may be in a place where you once did like each other.
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You did like one another, you guys did have a great friendship, you guys were connected, you were in a great place, but life happened Health issues, finance issues, parenting, infidelity, trust, broken promises, life.
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Life happens because we don't always stay in this place.
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I had this conversation on my let's Talk Thursday live edition, which I do in my group, and if you're not a part of that group, I encourage you to come over and join us.
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I encourage you to stop right now.
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Come over to Facebook Dating, engaged and Married Objectives and join us in that group right now.
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It's a relationship group where we talk about things that we deal with in relationships, whether you're dating, currently in a committed relationship, you're engaged, you're married, even divorced, and starting all over from scratch.
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I encourage you to be a part of that group right now.
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But we recently just had this conversation and someone in the group asked this question about what if you're in a relationship and your partner stopped liking you or you feel like they don't like you anymore, and it got me stuck for a moment, and not stuck because I didn't know what to say, or it got me stuck because I'm not a black or white person.
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I don't see things one way or the other.
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I feel like it could be different answers for different reasons.
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I feel like things are in the gray, because answers can vary for different reasons, for different people, for different couples.
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That's just how I personally feel about life, but I feel like things can start off one way and life can happen to us Just period From people that I know, from things that I've experienced from my own personal life experience.
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Things can happen.
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Your relationship or marriage can start off one way and life can hit you hard and things can change.
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And the tools and resources that we have available to us in this world we can do the work and we can get back to where we once were, or we can do the work to get better than we ever even started.
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So I would encourage you if you're listening to this and maybe you guys were once in a great place, you liked each other, you connected, you had a great friendship and again life happened.
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And maybe you're not in such a great place, maybe you don't like your partner anymore, or maybe you feel like your partner doesn't like you anymore I encourage you to take these resources that you're listening to right now and begin to apply them in your own life and begin to have the conversation with your partner or spouse and even, if you need to involve a third party, a non-biased partner.
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Because you guys know how I feel about therapy.
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I'm an advocate for therapy.
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I'm myself in individual therapy and couples therapy, so I personally encourage it.
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But I encourage you, have a partner with your partner or your spouse if you're feeling that way, and begin to do the work.
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Don't just stay there and feel like things can't change or can't get better for you, because you can begin to do the work and it's hard work.
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I ain't finna lie behind his mic and say that it's not because it is hard work, but it's hard work that's worth it.
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So let's go ahead and get into the key aspects of liking your partner.
