Revitalizing Relationships: A Journey of Reconnection and Intentional Appreciation

What's up, guys? Welcome to Demo with Moe. I'm your host, monique Simmons. We'll be discussing dating, engaged and married objectives from a young Christian's perspective. Are you guys ready? Let's dive in. Hey, what's up, guys? Welcome to a new episode of Demo with Moe. I am your host, monique Simmons, and today we're going to be discussing ways to reconnect with your partner or spouse. My husband and I, we just celebrated our 13th year wedding anniversary, which most of you guys know. I invited him on the podcast to celebrate our anniversary, but one of the ways that we celebrated, we combined my husband's birthday as well as our anniversary to take a vacation, which is he and I, and we went to Atlanta And you guys, we had the most amazing time. I mean, it was absolutely everything. It exceeded my expectations And I'm not even going to go into all the details of the trip. Just know that a time was had. All of the extracurricular things that we did. We took napshot I'm talking about. It was the best sleep I've had in my whole life. We had a time, a time was had, but that's not the best part of our trip. That wasn't the best part of our trip, even though we had an amazing time The best part of our trip is those of you who have been listening and rocking with me for a while now And if you listen to the anniversary podcast episode where I invited my husband on. We were very open and honest about this. Last year has been a hard season in our marriage And this trip was really needed, and we didn't even realize how much we needed this trip until we were on this trip. It was a way for us to reconnect with just us, with nobody else, not with our kids, not with any extended family, no friends, nobody. It was just he and I And we reconnected on so many levels. We talked about so many things that we have been needing to talk about. We shared so many things with one another that we have been needing to share. We expressed some things that we have been needing to express with one another. We were vulnerable about a lot of things. Y'all. I was in the middle of a restaurant, crying because I had opened up to my husband about some things going on that had nothing to do with our marriage, but just some things that I really had been wanting to share with him, about some outside things that were really affecting me emotionally. But we were going through a lot of things where I wasn't in a place where I really didn't want to open up about it. But we had reconnected in such a beautiful place where I began to open up and share so many things with him and vice versa that I began to cry in the middle of this restaurant And I'm sharing all this today. Just to give you context about today's podcast episode. I don't know about you, but sometimes you can get in a place in your relationship and or your marriage where you get so caught up in life. Life just happens. It just you get caught up in the whirlwind. You're so busy, you begin to have kids and careers and church and extracurricular activities and bills and working on family relationships And before you know it, life is life. And then all in the middle of that, you're trying to work on yourself and take care of your well-being and make sure your kids are good and all of these things. But in the midst of that you got to make sure you're taken care of and prioritizing your relationship and your marriage. It can be a lot, but in the midst of that you can get so busy and get so caught up in a routine and checking out boxes that you can get disconnected. You can get disconnected from your partner and it can happen in such a subtle way that you notice something is off or something is different, but you can't put your finger on it. But life is still life And so you gotta continue to keep going. You gotta still clock in and go to work. You still gotta show up for your children. You still gotta go handle business and pay bills and you still gotta do your extracurricular things and you still gotta take care of ministry working. You still gotta, still gotta, still gotta, still gotta, still gotta, still gotta in every day. And I know some of you on the other end and you can relate and you can understand and if some of you, you may be single, you don't have kids and you have no idea of what I'm talking about. Keep living, keep living, keep living, keep living. But you can just get so caught up to one day you wake up and you like, how did we get here? What's going on? You can't even put your finger on what's wrong in your relationship, but you know there's a disconnect, you know something's off, you know something's off track. You don't know where, you don't know when it happened, you don't know why it happened. But you know, something is feeling off And it doesn't even mean that you and your partner are in a bad place, because I want to encourage you, because some of you may be listening to this and you may be like that's me and my man, or that's me and my girl, that's me and my wife, that's me and my husband. This does not mean that you guys are in a bad place or there's no hope or everything's over, or I married or in a relationship with the wrong person. Please throw that out the window. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is one day you may wake up and you feel like something is different. Things aren't the way they used to be, or things are not the way I want them to be. We're not connecting the way we used to connect. We're not communicating the way we used to communicate. We're not being kind to one another the way we used to be kind to one another. We're not laughing and having fun and enjoying one another Like we used to have fun and laugh at one another. We're just passing ships in the night. We're just paying bills. We're just raising kids. We're just building our businesses together. We're just taking care of our sick parents together. We're just trying to buy a home together. Whatever your situation is, you just feel like you're stuck in a rut, or you're just in a routine, or you guys just in the same day-to-day stuff and you're just trying to figure out when did we get here? How did we get here? I can tell you. You guys are probably in a place where you've just gotten disconnected. But let me reassure you, you guys can get reconnected. There is hope. This does not mean that things are over, and I'm sharing this with you not from a place where I have no idea what I'm talking about. Not from a place where my marriage is all together and I got it all figured out. Not from a place where I miss goody two shoes and I'm looking down on someone else in a negative place in their relationship. No sir, no ma'am, i'm talking to you from a place where I empathize with you, because my husband and I had a rough past year where we felt disconnected and we were trying to figure out what is going on here. But one of the beautiful things my husband and I did, even in the midst of having a hard year, we never stopped trying to figure it out, even on the hardest of days where we couldn't get along or our communication was so off or we were just in a place where we just could not agree or we could not figure it out. We never stopped trying, like every day one of us was all in trying to figure it out. Like how are we gonna make this thing work? You guys have been with me for a while. You know that my husband and I are in couples therapy. Our therapist is working with us. We are both putting in the work individually in therapy, like we're doing the work. So even when you guys feel disconnected, even when it seems like you guys can't get on one page, don't give up. Even when it seems like things are so hard. I encourage you, don't give up. Keep fighting for your marriage, keep fighting for your relationship. If you love this person, if you know this is your person and this is the person that you wanna spend the rest of your life with, don't you give up on it. You keep fighting, you keep putting in the work, you keep praying, you keep trusting God. You go to therapy, you put the work in, you surround yourself with people who are going to encourage you, who are going to encourage and pour into your spouse or your partner and into your relationship. Do the work, do the work. But on this trip my husband and I really had the time to reconnect and I mean, yeah, i lost it. I just feel so good. My husband told me because, again, this was part of not only our anniversary but for me to celebrate his birthday, to really I really wanted to celebrate him because he really, he really deserves it. But he told me on our way home. He said this is the most fun that he's had in a long time. And just the way that he looked at me and the way that I looked at him, i just knew we were coming home differently than how we left home. And we went and saw our therapist when we got back And even when we sat down on her couch to talk to her, she was just like you guys seem so different, like she had no idea that we had went on a trip. We didn't even shared anything with her yet And she was like you guys just look so different, like I was talking to God, because our therapist is a Christian therapist. And she was like I was talking to God about you guys. Today, when I looked at my calendar and saw that I was gonna be mean with you. I was really talking to God about you guys today And she was like, when you guys came in and I saw you, i just knew something was different. So you guys again, don't give up And I'm gonna keep pushing it. Don't give up, because I've been in a place in my own marriage where I have felt like giving up, where I thought there was no hope. So I empathize with you because I know that I have listeners. I know that I have people who listen to this podcast because you've reached out to me. I know that there are people on the other end that are listening to this who may be in a place where they feel like giving up, who feel like there is no hope, that this relationship or this marriage is not redeemable, that it can't be saved, and me and my spouse and my partner will never be back in a good place there. We can't come back from this. I am telling you that there is hope and you can come back from this. Well, let's go ahead and jump into this episode. So, ways to reconnect with your partner or spouse Number one focus on the good qualities of your partner, the things you love about them, express to them how much you appreciate those things. The same way, you can be critical or tear them down concerning the things you don't like, because I know we know how to do that. Now, don't act like you don't. We know how to tell people what we don't like, affirm them and build them up with the things you do like. This takes intentionality. You really gotta pay attention because it's easy to see the things we don't like Like. I could close my eyes and see the things that I don't like about my husband. I could give you a whole list of things that I don't like. That aggravates me, that get on my nerves, that bothers me, that I wish he did not do. I'm telling you. I could give you a list of it and then have to think twice. But then when somebody asks you what you love about your partner, the things you enjoy about them, you like about them as a person, you appreciate them you gotta think about it. Something's not right with it. We really gotta begin to be intentional and focused on the good qualities about our partners and our spouses And affirm them. Call those things out, tell your partner, tell your spouse I love when you do this. I appreciate so much how you do this. I love how you show up for me. I love how you call me or reach out to me or let me know how beautiful I am or remind me how much you appreciate me. Like. Affirm your partner, let them know. Not only think about it in your mind and know for yourself, but affirm them and let them know and build them up. Not only tear them down with the things you don't like that's easy to do but affirm them and build them up with the things you do like. Number two daily check-ins. Whether it's a quick call on your lunch break or I was thinking about you Tix, something so simple matters so much to your partner. So check-in, check-in daily. You guys don't have to have a long conversation, but if that's your thing, i ain't knocking it, but make sure you check-in daily with your partner And when you do your check-ins, not only talk about business, the bills that need to be paid, checking on the keys to see how they're doing what needs to be done. Don't get me wrong. I know death and necessity Sometimes those things need to be talked about, need to be dealt with, business needs to be handled, i know. But make sure you check-in with your partner. How is their day going? How are they feeling? What's going on in your heart? What's going on with your mind? You know is work stressful. Are you having a good day? You know what do you need from me. What do you need after work? What would you like for dinner or whatever? Just check-in with your partner or your spouse, see how they're doing or just let them know you, let them know you're thinking about them. Three ask your partner or spouse in this season of life. What do they need from you? How can you show up for them? Y'all, life is constantly changed And what we need from our partners can change depending on what's going on in our life at the time. So what I needed last year for my husband may not be what I need for my husband this year. So if he's showing up for me in the same way he did last year, then that's not what I need and he hasn't asked me. Maybe we need to have a conversation. Check in with your partner as fast and see you know exactly what do you need from me. Baby, like you know, i know you got a lot more going on at work right now, cause, again, life be. Life is seasons be changing. Some season of life are more stressful than others. If you know, your partner is taking on more of a load at work. This may be a busier season for them at work. Right now I'm in a healthcare field and right now we are in a very busy season, like we're working a lot of overtime, like, i say, very busy season for me right now. So it'd be nice if my husband was a chicken. I know you guys are working a lot of overtime, something you usually don't do. Do you need me to pick up the? you know? do you need me to pick up the baby from daycare on these days? Do you need me to grab dinner on this day? Like, just check in with your partner to see how can I show up for you, how can I lighten the load for you, how can I make your life a little easier? in this season of life that you're in And your partner may not need absolutely anything different. They may need you to show up in the same way that you showed up in last year. But you don't know if you don't ask. And bonus points because if they don't need anything, the fact that you even cared enough to ask, to even check in with them to notice that things may be changing in their life. They may be in a different season in their life. Things may be a little more busy, a little more stressful. You know how much that matters for your partner to know. Man, i got somebody with me that really cared about me. I got a rider with me that's willing to ease my load, to help me with whatever I have going on. Check in with your partner. Number four be honest and willing to have hard conversations with your partner or spouse. Most times there's a disconnect because there are things that need to be said, needs that aren't being fulfilled, or unmet expectations. One of both partners can begin to harbor resentment And the more you avoid the hard but necessary conversations, the more you both feel disconnected from one another. So be willing and be honest, have the hard conversations And I know it can be scary, our Lord knows. I know it can be scary. Even thinking about having the hard conversations can be scary. But I promise you there is unity on the other side, because my husband and I, on this trip that I'm telling you guys about all our conversations, want no, on the surface, light fun, because that's not what we needed. We had a. I told you this last year has been hard for us. We weren't gonna be able to have no on the surface. That's not where we are in our marriage. We're past that. We're past the on the surface conversations. We had to have some hard, uncomfortable conversations on this trip, where we had to shed some tears. Voices had to be raised a little bit. Both partners had to be heard. Their perspectives had to be heard. We had to be listened to. We wanted to be understood. We wanted to be known, that the other person knew where we were coming from, but also knew that we both loved each other and we wanted to meet the other's needs. Have the hard conversations Just because it's a hard conversation does not mean you guys don't love one another, that you don't want what's best for one another, that you don't wanna get to a good place in your marriage or your relationship. Because that's the point of having hard conversations, cause we wanna get out of this pump, this disconnect. Whatever this is that we're in right now. We need to have the necessary conversations to get us to the other side of this. But as long as we avoid the hard conversations, we avoid the conflict, we avoid being uncomfortable. The more we're gonna stay here, the longer we're gonna feel disconnected, and that's not what you want. You wanna get back to the place where you feel unified in your relationship, so have the hard conversations. Number five, last but not least prioritize time alone. Date nights, staycations, vacations, vacations, et cetera. You have to have that set aside. One-on-one time with no distractions is, my husband likes to say, to drown out the noise, the noise of kids, work, church, extra-curricular activities, extended family bills, all the things of this world that will take you away from your first priority after God, which is your spouse, if you are married, make sure you have that time to connect. Y'all have heard me say this, lord, more times than I can count date night, date night, date night, date night, date night, date night. I'm not saying to go on date nights just because you can be out here dressed up and spending money, even though I like to get dressed up and go out with my man and have a good time, don't get me wrong. I enjoy that part. But I say prioritize date night because I'm trying to encourage you to prioritize that one-on-one time with just you and your partner, like that's the time where you can really connect. That's why those staycations if you can't get too far from the kids, if you have kids and don't wanna get too far from them, or you only got a babysitter for one night, staycations are perfect. If you don't know what a staycation is, you get a hotel right here in your city or surrounding area where you live, but it's away from home. So that way you get out of the routine of things, but it's still like a little vacation, but you're still not too far away from home. So, just in case you don't have a babysitter for long or you can't afford to do a whole vacation, you only can afford to do one night, which is totally cool. Make it do what it do. But wherever you are, just prioritize that one-on-one time with one another so you can connect with your partner or your spouse. Just that, having fun together, that laughing at, being able to talk with one another about just you guys, your relationship, dreaming together, talking about your goals, your desires, your heart, your mind. Where are you emotionally, spiritually, what do you desire in our relationship? How can I be a better partner? How can I be a better spouse? Are you enjoying our sex life? What would you like more. Do you wanna try new things, experience new things? Where would you like us to be financially next year? Where would you like to see our family prioritize that one-on-one time time alone with your partner or your spouse? Yeah, there are many more ways to reconnect. I would love to hear your ways that you like to reconnect with your booth. If you're listening to this, screenshot this episode, wherever you are listening on whatever platform, and tag me on Instagram at Demo with Moe podcast, or on Facebook at Demo with Moe, and let me know, out of all of the five ways to reconnect that I discussed on today's episode, let me know which one is your favorite. I would love to hear from you guys. I hope you have enjoyed today's episode. Remember I love you, but God loves you so much more. I'll see you guys next week. Bye, i hope you guys have enjoyed.