Reflecting on Growth as We Embrace the New Year: Top 5 Episodes of 2023

Speaker 1: 0:06

What's up, guys? Welcome to Demo with Moe. I'm your host, monique Simmons. We'll be discussing dating, engaged and married objectives from a young Christian's perspective. Are you guys ready? Let's dive in. Hey, what's up, guys? Welcome to a new episode of Demo with Moe. I am your host, monique Simmons. This is going to be our last episode of 2023. It has been an absolute pleasure recording this year. This year has been a whirlwind, full of ups and downs, but I counted all joy. I absolutely counted all joy, the good and the bad, because you know what it's. Romans 8 and 28 says it's all working together for my good and I hope you believe that for yourself as well. So, you guys, I am so excited to be sharing this last episode with you. I hope you have enjoyed this year. I hope you listening to these last episodes this year not only this season, but this year of 2023 has brought you as much joy as it has brought me recording these episodes for you each week and today, I have a special little treat for you. So Buzzsprout, which is my podcast host. If you don't know much about Buzzsprout and you are looking to ever start your own podcast, or you are a podcast host and maybe you are looking for a new host to hold your podcast, I encourage you to look at Buzzsprout. They are not sponsoring this podcast, buzzsprout. If you want to sponsor your girl, I'm fully open to that, but they are not sponsoring this podcast. But that's just how much I love Buzzsprout. If that's something you're looking into, go check them out. I absolutely love Buzzsprout. Buzzsprout does this thing at the end of the year it's your top five podcast episodes for the year. So these episodes that you guys are going to hear today, I have a special treat for you. I'm not even going to tell you what those top five are. I hope all of you guys who are going to be listening to this, I hope once you hear these episodes, you'll be like oh yeah, that was my favorite episode. Oh yeah, that was my vote for this year. I hope you guys feel that way. For each episode, you hear like, yeah, that was the one. Oh, I totally forgot about that one, but yes, I love that one. Oh yeah, that was it for me. I was excited, to be honest with you, and some of these were a complete surprise to me. Some of these that I saw that you guys love that had the most downloads this year. It was a complete surprise to me, so I hope you guys are excited. I hope some of these were your personal favorites. I hope some of these were the ones you really enjoyed or maybe even, like me, it may be a complete surprise to you that maybe that these were some of the most listened to. So wherever you fall on that, wherever you fall it on that, I really hope you enjoyed today's episode. I really hope you enjoyed today's episode. But what we're going to do, we're going to run back our top five episodes from 2023. So not only from this season, but the whole year of 2023, our top five episodes. So I really hope you guys enjoy and, if you're willing, I would really love this so much. It would bring my heart so much joy If you hear one of your top episodes from 2023, if you would screenshot and let me know and tag me on any social media platform that you're on. I'm Demo with Mo on Facebook. Demo with Mo podcast on Instagram and let me know which was your favorite podcast episode from today. And, even if it wasn't one of the top five that was most listened to this year, let me know which episode this year really resonated with you. Tag me, let me know. I would love to get some feedback for you as we prepare to get ready for 2024 and all of the new things that I'm preparing for for the new year. I'm really excited to share with you guys new guests, podcast holds from other podcasts I'm excited about. I'm just really excited about the new year. I'm expecting a lot of things from God in this new year. I'm just I'm ready to share so much with you guys. So again, tag me your favorite episode from today and even if it's not it didn't make the top five Let me know what your favorite episode was from 2023. And remember to follow me TikTok, facebook at Demo with Mo, instagram at Demo with Mo podcast. And follow me on Facebook at our private group dating, engaged and married objectives. And, without further ado, let's jump into today's episode. I hope you guys had a very merry Christmas and I hope you have an amazing not just a happy, but an amazing, amazing new year. And I really hope you go into this new year expecting great things from God. Don't go in with your head hung down. No matter what you face this year and I'm not saying this as someone who did not face anything they did not go through trials, they did not face tribulations, they did not go through storms because, man, this year has been rough for me. But, man, I am expecting great things from a great God because I am his child and I am his daughter, and I really hope you go into this year expecting the same, because you are his child and he is your God. So have an amazing, an amazing new year and let's get into this episode. All right, guys, I want to give you guys the floor, to give my audience one thing about yourself that you would like them to know about you.

Speaker 3: 6:21

Well, I guess I'll go first, okay, I feel like I feel like you took my one thing. Oh yeah, I am a person that likes to make and create things, and I really been doing that more so lately than ever. So I've been enjoying it and that's my one thing. Thank you, laura.

Speaker 5: 6:45

What's one thing I want people to know about me At this point in my life I want them to know straight up, before anything else happened is that I'm going to be doing Jesus talk. I'm talking about Jesus these days.

Speaker 4: 6:58

So if you especially.

Speaker 5: 7:01

It's important for me to say, as an artist and creative, and how I show up in the community is like you know, I know people know you know that I'm connected to a source. I'm real big Jesus talk these days, real big spiritual God with your life. They need to know that this Amanda.

Speaker 4: 7:19

All right, this is Christy. And one thing about me, and I do mean that I am a proud big sister of these two, because you said in my knee, laurie is a jack of all trades and. Amanda is an amazing poet, everything else, so I'm a proud big sister, since we're going from young to the oldest of these two.

Speaker 1: 7:46

That's so freaking sweet Laura.

Speaker 4: 7:49

What do I do? Laura can't help herself. She can't help herself. Okay.

Speaker 1: 8:00

So today's episode is growing up in the church and when I was thinking about doing this episode, I wanted to do this episode for most for reasons, but the number one reason is usually going into a new year. People want to do new year resolutions. Always, and what's usually one of the number one things that people have on their new year's resolutions they want to do what? Get close to the guy, get close to the guy, get back in church. That's usually one of the things I said. This would be a great episode to kick off the new year. And what better people to kick this episode off with? Women who grew up in the church, women that I love who grew up in the church. So I reached out to these women who happened to be sisters. How cool, how freaking cool, is that Three Christian black women who I know, who are sisters, who grew up in the church, and they all agreed to come on and reluctant, but I want to point out the fingers and say any names, but no, seriously, though I knew these would be the perfect people to come on and join me. So, ladies, again, I appreciate you guys so much, but we're going to jump right in. How old were you when you started going to church.

Speaker 3: 9:26

I was a baby. This is Laura. I believe I was in my mom's stomach.

Speaker 8: 9:35

You've been in church all your life, my entire life I will technically know.

Speaker 4: 9:42

Okay, I'm just going to be honest. When my mom was pregnant with my sister, my parents weren't necessarily in church. When I know, when Laura was born, we lived in Clarksdale, mississippi, where my grandparents are etched, and although my grandparents were very religious and things like that, we went out and remember going to church with my grandmother, but we did go to church with my parents at that time weren't necessarily regulars, they weren't going to church like that. That's just a name for me, but for me Christy, I can say from being in my mom's stomach, because when I was born we lived in Yassu and my mom was in the house with my grandmother. That's big, big with my grandmother. Pretty much like the scriptures. Like David said, from his mother's womb he was given back. But I know for my sister, yes, they were very, very young, because by the time Laura can't say that, by the time Laura, even before she was like one or whatever we had moved back to Jackson. And when they were young, young, that's when my parents made that turn to get back. Now, they were always raised in the church, but then they weren't trying to go to church like that Got you. Thank you, Christy.

Speaker 5: 11:12

Amanda Well, yeah, hey, christy is my historian. When I want to know something about me, I ask Christy, I'm for real, especially about the younger stuff that only she can know. Yeah, because she was, she was always, she had awareness, and because she studies, she is that person. So for a question like that, I would ask Christy, when did you? But for as long as I remember, like a conscious remembrance, I'm like Laura, like it seemed like we've been there every day.

Speaker 4: 11:48

Yeah, because they were, because they were very, very young when my parents turned back to going, going back to church. My siblings were Amanda and Laura, only a year apart. So, I'd say like for one for one and maybe two for the other. So for them, yeah, from their memory, yeah, it would be from, from you know the wounds, but yeah.

Speaker 5: 12:15

And I know, and I know, though I know that story. I know we used to go to church with our grandma and Clark still, but she had church late. So we, we did. But I do remember that we did come back to our parents and I do have a remembrance of them going back to like I knew that language, that they wouldn't near the whole time. Yeah, I do have an awareness of that. So, yeah, she, yeah, straight up.

Speaker 1: 12:37

Yep, that's what's up. And, christy, I can relate being an older sibling. It's like you remember stuff that the younger siblings don't remember. Alrighty, ladies, what things do you love about being a part of our church family, like specifically at New Life? What things do you love about it?

Speaker 3: 12:57

This is Laura. I enjoy the teaching. I enjoy the fellowship amongst my church family, the relationships and the closeness that we have at our church. That's what I enjoy.

Speaker 5: 13:12

I enjoy. I've always enjoyed the people, right, Like the people. I love people. I love the people at the church because they've been with me all my life. I love the people. I'm just now enjoying going to the church and being, because I have been, I have felt forced to be there for so much of my life that, you know, it just became it's just a habit, it's just something that's a part of my routine. But I'm happy to now be able to say, like I like going and that it's really the people. Still, it's the people, but it's more for me being with my family there, like doing church on purpose with my family, from a space of I want to do this and I like doing this. That's what I got to do. You know, this is what we got to do.

Speaker 1: 14:11

Oh, this is good, this is good. Okay, man, we're going to follow up on that a little later.

Speaker 4: 14:18

But that's really good, okay. Okay. So, christy, the mean now because y'all know me and you know me this probably would have been a different answer a while back, but the mean now really enjoys the fellowship because the members that knew life aren't just members, they are family. That's our extended family, that's the way I look at it, those that family. So going to church on Sundays is going to see my family, to be able to worship God with my family. That's what I enjoy, that new life is family and that there's accountability for the most part there. It's not like you're going to a huge church where you just one in a number and people don't know you. You know everyone there, they know you. We try to check on each other. So it's family. It's not just people, it's not just my brothers and sisters in Christ, it's family.

Speaker 1: 15:25

Yeah, I agree with all of you ladies, with everything you guys have said. Okay, now the follow-up question to that what has been some of the challenges? Because I don't want to do this episode and try to make you see everything in the church is always good, because that's not the case. I mean, if we're going to be honest, there are challenges. Whenever people are together, there are going to be challenges because we are human, we are flawed people. So, for you guys personally, what has been some of your biggest challenges in the church?

Speaker 4: 16:00

Well, this is Chrissy. There's our delay. Laura, I'm going Um, um. Well, I think one thing that we haven't said, and I don't know if this is on purpose or not, but the thing about us is we are the pastors kids. So, our dad is the pastor of our church, Our mom is the first lady of our church and so, as far as challenges in the past, the challenge has been and I don't know if my I know men that could agree, I don't know about Laura is you have to share your parent ministry sometimes and those people will come before. Maybe what we need it as children, as our actual immediate family, and then just because we are the pastor's kids, just expecting to be involved in everything or having to do you know what I'm saying, Just yes. There's an expectation and I used to say the old me used to say all the time I want Caldopri. I'd be glad to tell you I want Caldopri. Don't look for me, you know, that's my daddy, that's them. But that's been a challenge, like that expectation, and sometimes, when you don't feel like it, there's a guilt, there's a weight. Well, you know, if I don't, I'm the, you know how does that make us look? Or the family or whatever we're supposed to be. This. That is that identity thing. But I think the unique thing about all of us and we have a brother too we are all unique. I don't think any of us dance to the beat of anybody else's drum. We are all unique in our own way and don't have our own identity. But yeah, that's been a challenge.

Speaker 5: 17:58

Yeah yeah. Yeah, I want to chime in because she said we have a brother. We do have a brother. His name is Matthew, matthew, oh, yeah, yeah so if you're listening.

Speaker 1: 18:17

Hey, matt.

Speaker 5: 18:18

Christy loves him most. We love him most too. She's closer to everybody in her own way. It's the big sister vibe. This is Amanda. The challenges of growing up in the church. That's the biggest challenge for me that has come straight up is in the past. Like I mentioned earlier, the people have always been my favorite thing about the church. But at the same time, people feel like they know you because they know you from church. Yeah, and growing up, you know, coming into your own identity and, like Christy said, we're not the pastors, we're not, you know, we're not that we assign to this right now. But some of the things that people can impose on you as ministers' children, or you know the children, they're going to assign you identities, and sometimes those assignments are rooted in things other than love and appreciation and respect for your humanity. And so the misconceptions about what preacher's kids are like oh they deviant, oh they mischievous, oh they fast, oh they this, oh they that. So you know, just those assignments have always been challenging. And then also, you know, when I was younger, you don't really understand the way people feel like they can offer you what I like to call unsolicited advice on things based on what they may have heard your parents say. You know my parents are used to using us as examples and you know that's life. Your mom is. If your dad preaching and he trying to make a point, he going to use what's available to him and having, you know, all these children, we are just automatic point-makers and so over the pool pit, you know, giving away some of our private or personal experiences and even folks feeling like now they have privilege or license to comment on what they heard your parents say, always been a challenge. There had always been a challenge for me in the past is people. Most people are looking for ways to escape their own realities, and so you wanted to. People that find a great escape in church, then a preacher's kid is an excellent target, yeah, so that always been one of the challenges for me is the closeness, and the uninvited closeness of people's opinions.

Speaker 3: 20:49

Yeah, this is Laura, I just I agree with what my sister self said and just would like to add that a challenge for me is feeling like I had to censor myself. I can't fully say what I'm thinking or couldn't fully say what I'm thinking or feeling Even. I mean, with the rise of social media, just put it on social media can't post the Facebook status without a church person thinking, oh, she must be talking about such and such, or that must happen so and so. So people having those extra eyes on you. I mean it's both ways as a church member, but especially as a pastor's daughter, having those types of eyes on you and having to just censorship censorship, I think, not being able to fully express yourself. But I agree with what both of them said.

Speaker 4: 21:44

And this is Chrissy, and I see I was the old me was the total opposite. I didn't censor myself when I probably should have. I feel like I should have been more sensitive and more aware, kind of like what Laura was saying, but I didn't Got you.

Speaker 1: 21:59

That's a heavy burden to carry and I love y'all Like I legit love y'all. I've never and maybe this is because I didn't necessarily grow up in the church I've never looked at y'all is, even though I know y'all are our pastor's kids. I've never looked at y'all like that and I've legit just looked at y'all is who y'all are Amanda, christy and Laura and I looked y'all for just who y'all are. So I could not even imagine walking in y'all shoes growing up in the church, having to censor yourself or how should you say, or take on unsolicited advice or opinions or even sharing your pen Sometimes I I got up one Sunday at the pastor's anniversary.

Speaker 3: 22:45

I don't mean no harm on me, but I feel like you and Daniel, you and another church member must have gotten up and said something about my parents, or calling our parents like your mom and dad or whatever. And I'm just gonna say something at that pastor's anniversary.

Speaker 1: 23:00

I'm like these are my parents and look, I apologize if I made you to do something like that no, no, no, it's okay. I came into new life in a place where I needed that relationship that I started to have with your mom. Like me and my mom were in a rocky place, like, literally, we hadn't talked for a long time and I needed that, and your mom was there for me. So that was from. It wasn't like from a place of I'm taking them away from their tears or I'm mindful of how I'm making their children feel and now I'm here you guys, and I totally hate it. You know what I'm saying, but it never.

Speaker 4: 23:47

I will say this is Christy. I will say this Monique, don't, I think for me, and maybe Laura can speak to this too we are in way different places too now in life. And even in our relationship and our walk with God, where in those times we were in a different place. It might not have understood it, but the more that you grow in God, the more that you learn spiritually and reflect, then you come to see it from a different perspective and you know that it's not people trying to take your parents or anything like that. I think now I understand better. There's a calling. There's a calling on my dad. He even is responsible to us. He has to answer to God first and if God led him to leave the people, that's what he has to do. There's an order to everything and we have to understand it. We have to understand it, but for me it took growth, yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:50

And I'm not taking what you guys are saying personally, but I'm putting myself in your shoes and it still sucks. Like even though your dad has a calling and even though he is the pastor, you know home is still our first ministry. You know our spouses and our children. It's our first ministry and it still sucks and that's a heavy burden to have the tears, to have to share your family with other people. So again, my heart goes out to y'all and I love y'all. Hey, hey, girl, hey, hey, okay, jay. And for my guests, you will hear me throughout the episode called Jay Brea. Jay. She goes by Jay for short, so that's what I know her is. So if you hear me say Jay, that's what I'm referring to. Her is Jay. What is one fact about your, one fun fact about yourself that my guests could get to know you a little better?

Speaker 7: 25:45

So most of the time, wherever I work, whether it's in a clinic or wherever most people know me as the swirking girl, oh, okay, okay, because everywhere I go I can hear music in my head and I'm just gonna be like yes.

Speaker 1: 26:07

I love it. I absolutely love it.

Speaker 7: 26:12

I was working at the high school and this girl came in and it was her birthday and I was just like one time for the birthday. She was like Miss T, what is that? I was like, oh, pre-tunnel for our birthday. Like that's what we do, we got to get everybody in the good mood. Girl, I love it.

Speaker 8: 26:32

I never had a manager who would be out doing things like that.

Speaker 7: 26:37

I was like you got to be fun sometimes.

Speaker 1: 26:41

I absolutely love it. Okay, jay, so we're going to have to write into these questions. I mean, I'm ready, you ready, I'm ready, I'm ready. Okay, how long have you been in the dating world?

Speaker 7: 26:56

Oh, I've been in the dating world now for about three years.

Speaker 1: 27:01

Three years. Okay, so let me ask you this you have a nine year old and you've been in the dating world for three years. So if you could give me like a backdrop or a little context or a little history, how did you transition or how did you get here to the dating world, so from having a nine year old to now just getting back into the dating world?

Speaker 7: 27:28

Well, her father and I, we were married. We had been together for about 17 years, so we got divorced about three years ago. Okay, I've just been in the dating world since then.

Speaker 1: 27:42

Got you, I got you now I got you. How was that transition for you? Going from being in a marriage and in a committed relationship for that long for now going back into the dating world, but even with that, going now into the dating world with a child?

Speaker 7: 28:01

Yes, girl, it's so different, like before. I guess they'll be like almost 20 years ago I was used to, I guess, the traditional dating. Yeah, they see you, boy sees girl, girl sees guy, he may say something. She give him a little look and it's whatever.

Speaker 1: 28:20

Yeah.

Speaker 7: 28:21

Girl now it's just so different. It's like one they're bold and they have lots of audacity and I'm just like so you don't ask people to go on dates and stuff or more Like that's how they do. So it's very, very big difference Got you.

Speaker 1: 28:41

Okay, let me ask you this, because now having a child, I know, like you said, it's a big difference now being out in the dating world when is a good time to introduce the person that you're dating to your child, or is there even a timeframe?

Speaker 7: 28:58

I really don't think there's an actual timeframe, but for me, because obviously I'm still dating, so I don't really have anyone. I just want to make sure that when I'm making someone I actually see us going somewhere, gotcha, so then I can introduce her to, not just a random. I got your phone number. Let me introduce you to my child, as we can, because she's young. They get attached. I don't need her getting attached to something that's very, very temporary.

Speaker 1: 29:29

Okay, so I got you. So it's not so much as a timeframe, but it's about is this somebody? I see this is going somewhere with.

Speaker 7: 29:38

Yes, it's more of a. Are we on the same page? Are we going somewhere? And Ethan, so much as if we're not going in that same direction, because if we're on the same page and kids need to know that you can be, but tonic friends. You have a tonic friends of the opposite sex. So if I meet this guy and okay, he has potential, but we're going to take his flow and just be really good friends, you can tell them where your friendship is going, whether you're going to introduce your child to them as a friend and then they grow into something. But they have to be a regular, consistent friend where they actually come by the house, we're actually doing fun stuff together. Then it's something different where we can actually either grow from it or just be really good friends. Either he's going to be stepdaddy or he going to be uncle with everyone but it's OK for them to see that but not just somebody random Like I met him in the club. He asked me for my number and I'm going to introduce him to my baby tomorrow. No, that's no.

Speaker 1: 30:39

So that's good. I like that, especially the platonic friends, because some people you actually may start out as going on a date with them and you guys may actually just turn out to be good friends, like we may not be romantic partners but we actually like each other as friends, like we legit may turn out to be really good friends. Yes, is it a turnoff to be introduced to Someone's child too early, like on either side, like, do you think that's a turnoff?

Speaker 7: 31:16

If we haven't discussed where we're going, then I will feel kind of weird. Yeah, we're supposed to be going to the movies. And he's like, hey, let me show you my child first. I'm like, oh OK, how do you even know we'll still be here next week? Like we may not even like each other, yeah, so, yeah, this is something we're going to have to talk about. Like, ok, are we going to like at a play date? Like how we have to talk about this? Don't just bring it up on me. And I'm just like, oh, hey, yeah.

Speaker 1: 31:53

OK, so no kid pop ups. That should be a conversation that you guys both have an agree on. Yes, ok, I agree with that. I'm not in the world, but I agree with that.

Speaker 7: 32:04

Conversations needs to happen because are you introducing her, introducing me as just a friend, or am I going to be a potential Like how am I going to this introducing thing? Like, right, it could be, it can turn into something.

Speaker 1: 32:19

OK. So when you are ready to introduce them I think this is a great segue to what you're saying when you're ready to introduce them to your child, who should you introduce them as? Oh, that's a good question.

Speaker 7: 32:34

So, depending on where we are in our relationship, it'll probably start off as hey, this is mommy's friend, oh, she's so smart, so she'll see if it's somebody I'm going on a date with all the time, or we're always doing something together. She'll eventually ask me mommy, is it your boyfriend? I'm like this friend that are enjoying each other's company at the moment. Mommy does not know, because in her eyes she's nine, but she's like I'm ready for you to have a boyfriend.

Speaker 1: 33:09

She says that yes, oh, LG Girl she's just like.

Speaker 7: 33:17

I'm going to be going off to college soon and I don't want you to be at home being lonely, baby you are nine years old, she already playing and playing in mommy's life.

Speaker 1: 33:27

Like I need you to. I need you to have somebody.

Speaker 7: 33:30

Yes, like I need you to have a boyfriend. I don't want you to be a lonely baby. First of all, let's get this straight.

Speaker 1: 33:38

She love her mom, though she love her mom. Right, ok, this is something I personally want to note. Is it expected because you have a child or multiple children, that you want to date someone that has children? If so, why do you think that is?

Speaker 7: 33:58

Well, in just my situation, I would prefer to date someone who already has kids. Ok, they will understand the little issues that I have going on with mine sometimes. And plus, like I'm thirty nine, like I just don't, yeah, if I don't, if I ain't mean about the next year, so I'm probably not going to have any more kids. I need you to already have some kids, I need you to already have some kids. I don't mind the whole step mama thing. Well, I don't even use step mom, bonus mom, bonus dad, like I don't mind doing that, but please, I need you to have your own kids and not only just have your own kids. I need you to actually be involved in your kids life. Yeah, I have to actually see you being involved in their life, like have them do some with them, talk to them, because if not then that is a big turn off.

Speaker 1: 34:51

Thank you all for joining me on this, for joining me on tonight. Oh, let's talk. A couple of friends I have joining me La Kenya and Delvin Van Norman, avery Leggett and Bruce Jenkins. So I do this thing called let's Talk and it started back in September last year when we were celebrating sexual awareness month in September and to close out the month, I did this list talk about sex Because, as you guys know, my podcast is from the perspective of a young Christian woman and in the Christian community, especially among married Christians I don't know why, but it's such a stigma around talking about sex, which is which is crazy to me, because God created sex for marriage. You would think we would be the people that are talking about sex the most, but we're not. So I wanted to close out the month with having a conversation about sex where people could really just come together and have this place where we could talk about sex and then not be some uncomfortable conversation. Well, it was such a great turnout that people wanted to go into having more of the let's Talk conversation. So this has this let's Talk spend off into something even bigger. So we started having these bi-weekly conversations where we would have these conversations via Facebook and when I went live every other week where we would have these different conversations on things that couples faced or dealt with or went through in their relationships. Because, as you guys know, we all face things in our relationships. We're human, we're flawed. It's going to be things that come up. So we talked about finances and we talked about having date nights and we talked about just various things. So tonight we're going to talk about couple friends and is it important to have other relationships with other couples and how do you make couple friends and the various things dealing with couple friends. So when I reached out to the group we have a private Facebook group and I reached out to them and asked them what if they want our let's Talk conversation to be about this month? They voted and they wanted to talk about couple friends. So when they mentioned this to me, I might feel better would it be for me to talk to about this conversation than my friends, who are actually my couple friends because they're in relationships and we're all friends. So I reached out to them. They agreed and here we are. I just took this long way of saying this, but that's why I have Danny and Devin here, and Abram Bruce here joining me on tonight, so I'm not going to hold us up any longer. Guys, welcome to let's Talk. I appreciate you guys agreeing to this and having this conversation with me tonight. Welcome, thank you for inviting us.

Speaker 6: 37:59

Yeah, thanks for having us. Thank you, monique, always a pleasure. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Speaker 1: 38:05

OK, so this first question do you think it's hard for most couples to find other couple friends? Danny and Devin.

Speaker 6: 38:16

Um, I would say I don't. I would say it depends on you individually of how you approach finding friendships. If you have a hard time just finding individual friendships, I could see it being an issue or maybe not being a strong suit of yours. But if you can personally cultivate relationships and friendships, don't think it'd be a hard thing to do. Just getting to know people and kind of seeing if your guys are a good fit or just maybe a high level relationship, not very intimate Just depends on the person.

Speaker 9: 39:00

OK yeah, I agree with that. I guess one thing I would add to that is also depends on the area that you're in. If you in an area where you already have friends and stuff and then as you and your friends grow, naturally there are couples that way. But if you move into a new area, I can see that being difficult. But it's all about getting involved. I think it's if you go to different areas, where that you come in interest with other people, for instance church, that's the way to find friends. But then it's also difficult, Like you said, if you are a person that's having a hard time making new friendships and stuff, that can be a little difficult. But I would say, just go with what interests you and then you can meet people that way too.

Speaker 1: 40:00

Oh, this is good. Ok, let me ask this. And the only reason I'm asking is because, like I said, I invited you guys on because I'm personally friends with you, so I have a little bias here. I know you guys. So, dan, with you we have over, we have invested over 10 years in friendship, like we were very close, and then you got married and you moved away, which was hard on us and our friend group, because we've invested a lot, like we were not just on the surface friends. As far as our friend group, we did a lot, we were intertwined in each other's lives. So how was that adjustment for you to have such close friendships here and to now having to adjust With now meeting your husband's friends or meeting, you know, having to meet new people and build new couple?

Speaker 6: 41:03

Well, honestly, I mean, don't get me wrong you know, personally I was distraught about leaving you guys Because, again, we were. It was more than just you know, hey, girl, how you doing we was, we was there, we was like, you know this. But moving here, delvin already had relationships. So do you know how? I was a single friend in our group Because everybody was married. He was a single friend in his group and everyone else was married. So when I came here, the wives literally just welcomed me into the fold when I have I'm, you know, it's not, of course, not as long as my relationships with you guys, but I've pretty much culture been cultivated and ingrained into their friend family circle here. So I mean they, they are amazing group of group of women mothers. Same way I can call them there, there, you know they're here. I know I can call you guys, but they're here if I need something. You know there. But that it was a really easy transition because he had already set the groundwork to have those relationships with you guys. Relationships with good people, yeah.

Speaker 1: 42:16

I love that I love that so much.

Speaker 5: 42:20

I love that they did.

Speaker 9: 42:22

They are replaced me.

Speaker 6: 42:25

They replaced him with me.

Speaker 1: 42:26

They did Ha, ha, ha ha, ha, Avery, what do you think? What do you you think about? Is it hard to make the? Is it hard for couples to find other?

Speaker 8: 42:40

couple friends. I think that you have to. I don't think it's hard to find them. I think it's hard to maintain the relationship because you do have to find people that share like common interests first. And that's not really hard as an adult, especially when everybody's life is moving in different directions, you start having children and other responsibilities, and then you have to find somebody who first shares common interests and then y'all can find time to get together to hang out. And when you hang out with that person you'll find out, like, if you live with them or not, because sometimes you will think, oh, this person will make a good friend for me, but until you actually go out with them you don't really know. Because sometimes you'll find out like, nah, I don't think I want to do that again you know, so really, you just have to put yourself out there and be willing to try new people. I know that's like the thing with me right now. Since I moved to a new place, I don't know a lot of people here and I have this one set of couple friends that I hang out with and they're okay, but they are younger than me. So a lot of times I have to remember that the time that they're in, as far as their relationship and their age and their experiences are not the same as mine, you know. And then I have to give them grace because I'm like, okay, well, they don't. I ain't gonna say that I don't know no better, but they just haven't had enough experience to understand why they shouldn't be upset about what they're going through or why it's not a big deal. Yeah, you know. So that's what I think about the good couple.

Speaker 1: 44:32

Okay, Bruce, what about you?

Speaker 2: 44:34

They were really just depending on the couple themselves and individuals, the type of people that they are as far as knowing themselves and the type of people they were gonna be around, because everybody's different. You know me personally, I have like a very, very high preference on the type of people that I surround myself with. So, in other words, my circle is pretty small, but I'm open to learning more about individuals and getting to know them on, you know, on a certain level, and then making a judgment call of if that's you know somebody that wanna be around all the time.

Speaker 1: 45:10

Okay.

Speaker 2: 45:11

Because I look at it like everybody that wants that comes into your circle or comes in your vicinity. They may be friendly, but they're not true friends. Yeah. If that makes sense.

Speaker 1: 45:22

Oh yeah, make a lot of sense.

Speaker 2: 45:25

So I kinda just kinda fall back just a little bit and, you know, kinda keep my own people before I actually make a decision on if that's someone I can truly look to to be a friend.

Speaker 1: 45:38

Okay, so you guys. The follow up question to this was if so, why do you think that is? But you guys have already answered that, which are answered. You've already told me why that could be hard. So that next question is do you feel it's important to a relationship or marriage to have relationships with other people? Danny and Delvin, what do you guys think Is this important?

Speaker 9: 46:04

Yeah, it's important, and I just follow up on something that Avery said earlier. I'm trying to keep from jumping in. I think it is important to have a relationship with other couples because a lot of times in marriages or in relationships you go through things and it makes things that you're the only one who's going through that. Oh yes. So it's good to have a good relationship with good couples where you can talk through situations. But even deeper than that, our situation here in Florida is we have good relationship with couples in different stages of their relationship. So we're like the newlyweds of the group, but then you have we are friends with people who've been married like 10 years. And then we have friends with people who've married like 25, most 30 years, and so for us coming in, we have an issue with this. And then 10 year group was like, oh, there's nothing. And then 12 year group if we have an issue, they're like, oh, y'all talking about nothing. We've been through that, done that a couple times, wait till this happens. So it's good to have people in different stages as well to talk to things.

Speaker 1: 47:29

Yeah, that's so true Because I promise it gets in the moment. If you don't have some, it can't just be anybody. You, as Bruce said, you gotta be mindful of your friends, like the people that you call friends, so some people they're just associates. People you can go out and have a good time with, some people you can do lunch with, but the people you're doing marriage and relationships with and invest in your life with, these gotta be some good people you surround yourself with because you're opening yourself and being vulnerable about your relationship and your life. You gotta be careful of who you allow in their part of you Exactly. You can do that with everybody. So sometimes you can literally be going through things in your relationship and your marriage and you can think this is the end, like to other people. It gets me so simple, like this is nothing. But in that moment to you and your partner, this can literally feel like this is the end. We won't survive this. This is over, like let's just go ahead and get the divorce papers ready. But if you got some good people around you who have come through some things, who walk through some things, who can be there to support you and encourage you and pray for you. They can be like, like you said, those people that's been there 10 years or 25 years. They can be like man. That is nothing. We've been through that. We've come through that. You guys are gonna be okay. You're gonna make it through that. When you got that around you, that's encouraging. That helps you to know okay, my marriage is not over. You know, this is not the end this. Okay, somebody else went through this and made it out on the other side. But imagine the couples who don't have that, who don't have those couple friends, who are literally going through the stuff that we go through alone. Like I could not imagine some of the things my husband and I have walked through and having to walk through them alone. I legit we wouldn't have made it. I don't know how to even finish sitting here and pretend like we would have because we wouldn't have made it. So I appreciate my circle of couple friends. I really do appreciate y'all. Okay. So, danny, what's your thing? Is it important?

Speaker 6: 49:48

Yes, pretty much everything Billvin said. But to kind of add on to what something you said is even the Bible talks about this, not just advice, but it talks about wise counsel. So the relationships of those couples need to be people who believe in how, what you believe in marriage, because if you've got somebody that they don't believe marriage is you know, safe reading. You can do anything and everything. That may not be the person you wanna listen to, but the relationships you have, you want it to be people that understand marriage the way that you understand it, that your vows, how you took your vows, what that means. And don't get it wrong, I know everyone has their own things that you do in your house, but to me everybody that I associate with have the same principles and perspective of what the foundation of marriage is. So having those relationships again can basically save you a lot of heartache. And also those relationships even in our group. Sometimes they hold your foot to the fire. They're not always, you know, there's like oh Deva did something. No, my girls on both sides Mississippi and Florida girls both be like oh Dan, you're paying me, you should you saying that? No, honey, yeah, I have to do better than you're doing, but yes, I think it's very important to get those perspectives and even the Bible says that. You know that the women older women teach the younger women. You know how to be wise. So, having those different areas, those different like you said, the 10 to 15 years, the 30 years I mean, and I saw that before I got married from new life, I had great examples to follow there and even some in my family and then when I got here to have that same example, I do believe it's extremely important and another thing I like to add to it too is is helping out those relationships in different stages for things outside of the relationship.

Speaker 9: 52:06

Cause you think about, like I said, we younger we still have our parents and stuff right now. At some point you already know that you know your parents gonna get older and that's gonna be a sprain too. At some point you have to take care of them or lose a parent. So have couples who've been through that before. So other things outside of marriage too, oh yeah.

Speaker 1: 52:35

I agree, and for 2023, the word is surrender. Surrender is when you let go, you stop trying to do things your way and you submit to someone's authority In my case, that someone would be Jesus. I don't wanna pick and choose what in my life I surrendered to Christ, but this year I wanna be intentional that I'm surrendering everything to Him. They go that word intentional again, I told you, just because the year ends doesn't mean that has to stop. That doesn't mean that that's over. You're just shifting your focus. But this year, in 2023, I'm still going to be intentional. That's just not my focus. To share. Surrendering is my focus this year, but even in my surrendering, I'm going to be intentional that I'm surrendering everything to Him. Well, what does that have to do with the importance of praying for your marriage? You might be asking, cause? I started off with telling you guys that we're gonna be ending season four, the finale, today with discussing the importance of praying for your marriage and I don't talk about all this stuff. I don't talk about being intentional. I have talked about my words. For the years. I've talked about investing in my relationship with Christ. I talked about last year being one of the hardest years of my life and one of the most beautiful years of my life. But what does any of this stuff have to do with the importance of praying for your marriage? The Bible teaches us that our marriage should be a representation of Christ's relationship to the church and, if I'm honest, my marriage is one of the hardest areas for me to fully surrender to Christ. That's just me being honest with you guys. It's one of the hardest areas for me to surrender, to fully surrender, cause there's some areas in my marriage that I will surrender with no issue and there's some areas in my life that I will fight to surrender, and there's some areas in my life I will ignore and I just don't wanna give up. I'm not letting go. I'm stubborn. I wanna do it my way. I know what I should do. I know and the crazy thing is I know God's way is what's right. I know His way is what will work out best for me. I know this, but there's stubbornness that will get in my heart on certain issues keeps me from fully surrendering to certain areas in my marriage and giving it over to Him. God created marriage. He tells us how to love, honor and respect our spouses. He tells us exactly how marriage should look. The things that he calls us to do in marriage don't come naturally to us. They go against everything our flesh wants to do. So if we're gonna do marriage God's way and get God's results, it only makes sense that we would go to Him to help us to do that. This is why praying for your marriage is so important. If you buy something, you know how you buy your kids those gifts for Christmas and they ship them to you in those boxes full of pieces. None of it's put together. You'd be hoping it'd be put together. But you know it's probably not put together and for some reason we think we can put those gifts together without reading the directions and once we get done we have like 50 screws left. Or we put a part on backwards, or it falls apart, or it's not sturdy, and we have to start over from scratch and read the directions. It's a reason why they have the directions in the box, because the person, the manufacturer, the person who created it, they know how they created it. They know exactly how it's supposed to be put together and how it should work. It's the same way with our marriages. God created marriage. He knows exactly how marriage should be what it should look like, how we should treat one another, but for some odd reason, we like to do it on our own. We wanna do it our way. We wanna listen to everybody else, but God. We would try a million different things before going to God, and just like those gifts that we try to put together that we get our kids for Christmas, it's not sturdy. It ends up falling apart. We gotta start over from scratch, and you know what we end up having to do, which is what we should have did in the first place. We have to go back to the manufacturer's directions and do it the way they instructed us to do, and that's the same way it is for our marriage. After we mess it up, because that's what we do. When we wanna do things our own way, we mess it up. We have to end up going back to the manufacturer, the creator of marriage, and do it the way he intended for it to be done. This is why prayer and marriage is so important. I'm talking about it is a necessity. If you are listening to this, when this comes out, my husband and I, we lead the couples ministry at our church and, as you're listening to this again, if you're listening to this live. We just finished 21 days of prayer for our marriages and I had prayed about it and talked to God about it, about my word for this year. I do want you all to know that I don't just randomly choose a word and just throw out a word that sounds good. I go into prayer about Lord. What do I need to focus on in my life this year? What area of my life do I need to be better in? Because I want to be better. That is my desire to continue to strive to be better. So once I got the word, I'm like what are some things that I need to surrender? Like, what areas of my life could I do better in this area of surrendering? Because I know about child, but some areas are harder to let go than others. There are some things in my life I'm talking about. I trust God fully finances and money no issue, no issue, and I know for some people this is a hard one. Like this is one of those hardest ones to let go. Money and finances is not an issue for me. I will freely, freely, let God be in control in that area of my life. I've seen God do some amazing things in my life I'm talking about. I've seen him do some mind blowing, amazing things. I'm talking about making ways out of no ways, providing what you know you didn't have. You know it was a need, but you know you didn't have it. You didn't have it. Nobody could give it to you. Yeah, I've seen God do mind blowing things in my life when it comes to being a provider, no issue. There are some things in my life. God said it. That's enough Period. But there are other areas in my life where I struggle letting go, and it's not because of God, it's because of me. I want to be in control. I don't want to let go of my ways. I don't want to let go of my way of thinking, the way I want to do it. I don't want to relinquish. I want to be in control. When I know some of you listen, it may be the exact same way. You may not be. If unease is me, you may not want to say that. You may not want nobody to know that. You may want people to think you're just trust God with every area in your life. He's in control. You fully surrender. No, I have not gotten where I am in my relationship with Christ, except by being completely transparent and vulnerable and honest about where I am. I'm not going to ever come on here and lie to you or pretend that I'm something that I'm not. I'm just not going to do that because I want, when I share with you, when I live my life, when people see me, when people hear me, when people know me, when I'm witnessing to others, I want people. When I say I want God to get the glory, I mean it. I'm going to be honest because I want you to see everything that God does in my life is Him. I want you to see who I am and who he is. I'm never going to try to pretend that I got it all together and I have it all figured out and I do what's right all the time and I don't mess up and I trust God fully with everything. No, I would never do that. I want you to know this thing is real. I really hope you get to that place as well, where you don't ever feel like you need to pretend or put on, but that you can be completely honest about where you are in your walk, because once you get there, God can begin to do a true work in your heart. I'm talking about a true worry, because now you're honest about where you are. He can meet you right there and begin to get you where you need to be. I hope that makes sense. Again, I began to write out the list of the things that I need to work on being able to surrender on in my life, areas of my life that I can do better on surrendering to God, and marriage was one of them. I reached out to the couples and our couples ministry and told them what I wanted to do and what I was going to do in my personal marriage and how I was going to be doing this 21 days of prayer in my marriage. I would love for you guys to join me and everybody will jump on board. Everybody was in Myself and our couples ministry. We just have finished the 21 days of prayer for our marriage. What it consisted of, I encourage you guys, if you are part of a couples ministry or even if you have a friends group, you got a group chat going with your girlfriends or your guy friends. I'll be talking about everything else and doing everything else in a group chat. Maybe this is something that you can jump on board with. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. But what it consisted of every day is specific time, because we would all pray at the same time unless you had something going on, or we'd all pray at the same time, but every day I would send out a scripture of exactly what we were going to be dealing with for that day or what area we were going to be praying around. And what we were going to be asking God to help us with in our marriage is concerning that specific scripture, and I would send that out each day and we would all everyone in the ministry would be praying and interceding together for their marriages. And this is intentional because, as I told you guys earlier, the things that God expects from us in our marriages, how we want us to love one another and honor one another and respect one another and submit, and the things that God asks of us, these things do not come natural to our flesh. They come natural to the Holy Spirit which, if we are Christians, now lives within us, now dwells within us. But that flesh and the Holy Spirit, they are at war, they are fighting every day. You know you want to do what's right, the film in, you just want to go against that doing what's right. That's that war, that's that fight that's happening every single day because your flesh doesn't want to do that. Your flesh wants to see it. Your flesh wants to do the complete opposite of what God wants you to do, but the Holy Spirit wants to do exactly what God wants you to do. So if we're going to do what God wants us to do, what he expects for us to do, the way that he wants marriage to look, the way that he wants marriage to represent him, and my flesh wants to do the complete opposite, who do I need to go to to help me do it that way? I need to go to God. I need to depend on God. I want to Amy to come on and be my special guest host for me because, even though I never met Amy in person, she has such a beautiful spirit, such a big personality. She is one of our group members on our relationship community and our Facebook group that I always tell you guys about, and she's been there since the beginning and she's always contributed to the group. We always have conversations privately and she's just been a big part of this podcast journey and I just appreciate her so much. So I thought she would be the perfect person to come on and do this special interview for me as we close out season five of the podcast. So, amy, welcome, welcome, welcome, so glad to have you.

Speaker 10: 1:05:58

Thank you so much. I'm glad to be back.

Speaker 1: 1:06:00

I told you I would be you did, you did, and I do want to let my listeners know there was no hesitation. I reached out to Amy and she agreed and she is here. So thank you so much. I don't take that lightly at all.

Speaker 10: 1:06:14

Yes, girl, I'm always here to support you. I appreciate it. So I have some questions for you today.

Speaker 1: 1:06:22

Okay, okay, and let me say this I am a little nervous, which is very rare that I get nervous, but I am a little nervous because I did have the questions beforehand and I do want to let the audience know these are not questions that I came up with at all. These are not my questions, but these are questions from the Facebook relationship community as well as friends of the podcast. But what I did was I wanted to be fair. I don't like my guests to know questions that I'm going to ask them before they come on the podcast. I love to get real authentic responses from my questions. So, me being not in the hosted seat today, I wanted to have real authentic responses as well. I knew the questions. I didn't go over the questions. I didn't put together answers, so these are going to be new to me as you ask them to me. So I'm a little nervous.

Speaker 10: 1:07:17

Well, you are in the hot seat today. Yes, yes, okay, well, I think this is going to be smooth, though I think it's going to be a lot more smooth than you think it's going to be. So let's just start simple. Okay, what made you start the podcast?

Speaker 1: 1:07:35

Okay, one of the reasons I started the podcast, which I've talked a lot about, my husband and I got married when we were 21. So we got married very young. A lot of the things that I wish I would have known back then, because we went through a lot like a lot and if you've been listening to the podcast, if you've been rocking with me, you know a lot of our background. It ain't always been cute, it ain't always been pretty. We have not always been where we currently are.

Speaker 2: 1:08:03

There have been a lot of bugs in a road.

Speaker 1: 1:08:05

So I wanted people who are starting off in their relationships, starting off in their marriages, to have resources and tools and to hear from people who may be in a place that they wish to be at one day to know you can get here, like, just because you're going through things right now, just because it may be hard right now, you're not alone, you're not the only one. It doesn't have to always be this way. I just wanted to give other people hope and don't get me wrong, I'm not out here thinking that I'm the marriage and relationship guru that I got it all together, heavens know. Not at all, but I want it to be a source of hope for people, to encourage them, to let them know that they're not by themselves, and also because I am an avid podcast listener, I've been listening to the podcast for years. So I'm like, if I listen to podcasts and I see the statistics of people who listen to podcasts, if I can put out some content that will actually help people and encourage them, and it'll be some good, not just the hot topic that we're talking about today, some juicy gossip, don't get me wrong. That stuff has its place as well. But if this is going to be something that can actually help you in your life and help you in your relationship. I want to be able to put that out there so that was one of the main reasons.

Speaker 10: 1:09:30

I love that. Thank you for sharing that. Yes, ma'am, how long did it take you to make up your mind to do a podcast? Was it something you just jumped into, or did you think about it, pray on it for a while, or were you pretty much set?

Speaker 1: 1:09:47

Girl. Heavens know, heavens know. So my husband and I are over the couple's ministry at our church. We've been over the couple's ministry At least 10 years at our church, so this is not something that I just jumped into and I'm a very private person. Listening to my podcast, you wouldn't know that about me. You would think I probably just share everything. But, knowing me personally, I am very private. I'm very strategic and very mindful of the things that I share about my personal life, things that I share. My husband has already okayed or in agreement with me about what I share. I talk to God about the things that I'm going to share. I'm very private. So I was not very apt to starting a podcast, because I know the type of person that I am. I'm very authentic. I like to be real. I cannot fake, I cannot pretend. I cannot act like I'm something that I'm not. I cannot talk about one thing and then live another way. I don't roll like that. So I knew if I did this podcast, I was going to have to put everything into this podcast. I was going to have to be vulnerable and transparent and real about my marriage and my life and my family and I wasn't sure if I really wanted to do that, if I'm being completely honest, but God kept putting it on me like this is your testimony, this is your life, and it wasn't so much about me, it was about God and him being glorified because it represented Because, again, my husband and I got married so young and we went through so much in our marriage and our relationship where other people on the outside probably thought we weren't gonna make it and, to be honest, I myself thought we wouldn't make it a lot of times but to get where we are now, it was just a testament of who God is like, what he can do if you trust him, if you believe him, if you live your life according to his word and really live what you say you believe Like. It's a testament of who he is and what he can do in your life and in your relationship and in your marriage. So for people in my life who actually seen what God did in my husband and I's marriage and in our relationship and in our family and in our finances he did so much and for me to try to not be willing to share that with the world, to hold on it for myself when we're, as Christians, people who are listening to this. If you're a Christian, if you're a believer, we're supposed to be witnesses to the world, but for me to try to hold it for myself and not be willing to share that so people can know that God is real, I couldn't do that. I could not do that. So, to answer your question, no, I did not originally want to do that, but I had to get past myself and really trust God fully. Like you calling me, you've equipped me with everything that I will need to do this. It don't matter what people gonna think about me, how that may judge me in my relationship, what they may have to say about me, how some people in my life cause. A lot of the things that I share may involve other people in my family. People may not like me sharing certain things, they may be offended by certain things, but I had to get outside of what other people thought and had to be more concerned about me, please and God and bringing glory to him.

Speaker 10: 1:13:27

And that is an aspect of it that I never even thought about from your perspective the idea that some of the things that you share because you're telling your truth, your story, they may involve other people who may not be as comfortable and they may not have healed as much as you have enough to share this kind of stuff or want this stuff out about them. So that's another layer that your audience can consider, cause I hadn't thought about that before as much as I've been following yeah, cause, for example, the episode I did about domestic abuse, domestic violence.

Speaker 1: 1:14:05

For domestic awareness month, I shared things about my ex when I was in a domestic abuse relationship. Even though I forgiven that person and I hope that they forgiven their self and they've moved on, I have to be mindful of those things. I was very strategic in not sharing any names, not giving certain details so people could try to put pieces together and try to figure out who it is. But I have to think about all of that because I never want my platform to be hurtful to anyone. Cause again, like you said, I'm sharing my truth, but even with me sharing my truth, my truth involves other people and I don't want to hurt anyone.

Speaker 10: 1:14:49

And that's amazing that God has done that for you to have a platform and not use it for get back, but to glorify God in what she really came into this, for that's a beautiful testament in itself. Yeah thank you.

Speaker 1: 1:15:05

I got more questions. Yes, ma'am.

Speaker 10: 1:15:08

No, while we're talking about the podcast and we're going to move off this subject in a little bit, but I just think it's always beautiful to get the backstory right, Like we spend so much time featuring other people on our platforms. Now that we are highlighting you as a starter of this platform that so many people love, I just really want to give you a chance to tell your audience you know, your story and how this all came to be, so that we can continue to support. What are some of your other ambitions or future goals that maybe you have for the podcast, or where are you looking to see this go in 10 years? Where are you hoping this podcast has taken you and your following?

Speaker 1: 1:15:49

Okay, so one of the big things that I care about is impact in relationships. I care so much about people in their relationships and their marriage. It's like I have a heart for that, like my heart burns, like I can't even explain it. So I would love to do marriage retreats, like that's something that I really want to do. I want to be able to do marriage retreats where couples from all over the United States could come together just to get together, like well, we discuss things that we all deal with in marriages, but not only talk about those things but have a good time as well, cause you know you in the group, you know I love these nights and vacations, I love that kind of stuff. So I want to be able to put it together where we talk about the things that we deal with in relationships, but I also want to be able to have a good time and date our spouse and have fun with one another and connect with other couples. So it doesn't just stay at that retreat, but we actually can build on it, where we continue to grow our community and connect with other couples. That's that would be a huge thing for me, like that's something that I really, really want to do because I care more about quality over quantity, like I don't care per se. Don't get me wrong. I would love if the group would continue to grow with the numbers, but that's not my main concern. I really care about the involvement, the connections, people really getting to know one another and building those relationships, like that's. That's what I care about so much. That's why I pushed the engagement, because that's really what my heart desires. I don't care so much about the numbers, so that would be my main goal. Another goal I would have is one day having sponsors for the podcast, cause right now I pay for everything. I do everything myself. Far is the editing, the putting out the podcast. I do all of that myself. So one day I would hope to have sponsors for the podcast. I'm not looking for anything big Because, again, this is my passion, this is something that I care so much about, so I honestly don't care about spending the money. Don't get me wrong. I'm sure my husband would love for me to have a sponsor.

Speaker 2: 1:18:17

So we didn't have to spend the money.

Speaker 1: 1:18:19

You know what I'm saying but again, this is something from my heart. This is not something that I'm doing cause it's not about the money for me, but I would hope one day there would be my goals who one day have sponsors so we would not have to pay out of pocket. But yeah, just to continue to do it cause I love it. I mean, I really do love this a lot.

Speaker 10: 1:18:38

I love that for you and you know that's how you know you really are into it and it's not just something that you're doing just to do because you're willing to fund it. So I wish you nothing but blessings and I know it'll continue to be precious for you. Thank you so much. What advice would you have, moving away from just general questions about the podcast? What advice do you have for full time moms, new wives? What advice do you have for that 21 year old bride? who madly in love, ready to have some babies, maybe pregnant right now, planning for the future. What do you say to her Girl?

Speaker 1: 1:19:21

girl, there is so much that I say to you. First thing and this is advice that I always give now, when young women are getting and not even just young women, even older women that are getting married for the first time but one thing that I say, especially for young brides don't lose yourself, because that's something I see so much and that's something that even happened with me, because, again, I was a young woman getting married. I didn't know, I thought that you get into marriage, you become this wife, you become this mother, you begin to wear all of these titles and you're supposed to do all of these things, but you forget you. I forgot Monique. I'm a wife, I'm a mom, I'm PTA In these church ministries, I'm an employee, like I'm doing everything for everybody else. But who am I? What do I like? What makes me happy? And I could not answer those questions for a long time and I was looking in the mirror like who are you Like? Who is this person looking back at you? So I would encourage you. My advice would be to you is not to lose yourself. Something that I'll talk about Y'all gonna hear me talk about the group alive, because a lot of these things that I'm talking about. I push in a group so much because it's gonna be important to your relationship and your marriage. But self-care is so important because the more you take care of yourself, the more you remember who you are, the more you prioritize you. You find out what you like. You find out what you love. You remember who you are as an individual, as a person. The better you are. It will benefit your marriage. You'll be a better mom when I'm a better monique. I'm a better mom when I'm a better monique, I'm a better wife. So don't lose you. Remember who you are. Continue to do the things you love. If you loved going out with your girlfriends shopping, continue to go out with your girlfriends and shop and prioritize it. Don't let that take over your marriage. It'll take over your responsibilities of being a mom. But continue to do those things and pour into you so that you can pour into others. Just don't forget about you. Don't lose yourself, because your husband, your spouse, your partner they fell in love with you as an individual. They fell in love with who you were back then. That's why you hear some men say, man, I miss my girlfriend, I miss who you were then because they liked that, they enjoyed that and so don't lose that. And another thing I would say is date your partner, have fun together, cause we can get so busy and so caught up in the mundane in a routine we go to work, we come home, we take care of the kids, we make our meals, we do laundry, we may have sex, and we do the same thing Rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat every day and that gets so boring for the man and the woman. That is so boring. But do the things that you guys were doing before, that excitement, that date night where you got dressed up, you was smelling good, he was opening doors, you guys were excited to see one another, you would send each other those little nice, sexy texts, all of the things that were just so exciting and so new and so sexy. Still have fun together. Still enjoy one another, that couple that you were before you got married and got so caught up into the routine of things. So, yeah, that would be my best advice.

Speaker 10: 1:23:04

I love that and it's so important to continue to be who you are, because that's who the person fell in love with and that's something I think you can say to even a little more season wives. All of us can use that advice, I think. All right. Next question so this question is coming from our wildcard pot. Okay, wildcard question. The people want to know what is Monique's favorite type of date night. So if this is him, he's wanted to wow you today. If he trying to get a favor or something, what does he need to do?

Speaker 1: 1:23:46

Girl, okay, okay, I'll call her. Okay. Well, core question favorite date night girl Cause y'all if y'all don't know me by now, if you've been rocking with me I love a date night. I'm talking about I love, and okay, so to start it off, I love a spontaneous date night. I love a planned, and I don't mean spontaneous where he just popped up and just randomly just threw some together. I mean spontaneous, meaning I didn't know about it. So I love for my husband to plan and initiate a date night that I had no part seen. Because I can plan a lot of date nights, because I love date nights, so I usually plan and initiate a lot of date nights. So I love when my husband plans, initiates, executes me with a date night and it came out of nowhere, like I wasn't expecting it. So that would be number one and my favorite kind of date night. Because I love a good road trip. Like I would get in my car and jump on the road. If we didn't have three kids, we would be on the road every weekend. I love either. Okay, so this would be two of my favorites. If we gotta stay local and we don't have a babysitter so we can't get on the road. I love a good bar hop and I don't mean like bars where we going in the club or something like that. So, if those of you listening, that's not what I'm talking about. But I mean, like we do this thing where we're gonna have drinks, appetizers, dinner and we may do dessert. So we'll go to like three different restaurants, because I just like stuff like that. So we'll go to a spot, we'll have drinks there and maybe an appetizer, and then we'll go to another spot and we may share like a main course, and then, if I'm up to it, we may go have dessert. If not, we'll go to another spot and have drinks and just that'll be our nightcap to end the night and that's. It's just so exciting. I feel like we girlfriend and boyfriend, when we do stuff like that, like I just I don't know, it just does something for me like ooh, okay, so, but if we can get a sitter this is, this is Mr Simmons, if you listening you know, I'm just saying, I'm just saying my absolute favorite. I love New Orleans. It's my favorite city ever. I would love a road trip to New Orleans. We don't even have to spend a night, we can come right back. But I love a trip to New Orleans. We can walk Frenchman Street, listen to the live music, pop in a few of the jazz restaurants and dance a little bit, have a drink or two, and I'm good. I can have me some vignettes, some charbrode oysters, and I'm good. I, girl, that would blow my mind, that would just blow my mind. So, yes, those are my favorite. Those are my favorite day nights.

Speaker 10: 1:26:42

Ooh, a little bit of free game okay.

Speaker 8: 1:26:44

I love it, I love it yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:26:52

I hope you guys have enjoyed. Follow me on Facebook at demo with Moe. If you have any questions you would like answered here live on my podcast, email them to me at demo with Moe at gmailcom. That's D-E-M-O-W-I-T-H-M-O-E-G-M-L-Scom.