Transcript
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What's up, guys?
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Welcome to Demo with Mo.
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I'm your host, monique Simmons.
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We'll be discussing dating, engaged and married objectives from a young Christian's perspective.
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Are you guys ready?
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Let's dive in.
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Hey, what's up, guys?
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Welcome to a new episode of Demo with Mo.
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I am your host, monique Simmons.
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Today's episode is going to be a little different.
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We're going to pivot just a little bit from our usual conversations, our usual topics and discussions.
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Each year, for the month of November, I do a self-care challenge for the whole month of November to celebrate my birthday.
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This started back in November of 2020.
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The reason that I started this self-care challenge was to hold myself accountable and to be intentional with my own self-care.
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This year was the year I realized that I was not prioritizing myself.
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I was not taking care of myself.
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I was doing for everyone else around me, everyone else in my life, but somewhere along the way I forgot about Monique.
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And that was nobody else's fault.
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It was no one else's responsibility.
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That was on no one else but me.
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I thought there would be no better time than the month of November, the time where you are to celebrate yourself for your birthday, the time that you were brought into this world, the time that God gave you life to begin to prioritize yourself, to take care of yourself, to celebrate yourself, and that's what I did.
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So it started with just that one month, with being intentional about self-care, and then it spiraled into a way of life.
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I had no idea that that's what was going to happen, from me just being intentional for that one month on doing something for myself every day for the whole month of November in 2020.
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On my Demo with Mo Facebook page, so that I could be held accountable Because if I'm going to begin posting it there on such a public platform, I want to hold myself accountable to making sure I do something every day for myself, to make sure that I'm posting it every day, to make sure that it's getting done.
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That was the accountable part.
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Sure, that is getting done.
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That was the accountable part.
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The intentional part was for me to make sure that I'm doing something that actually brings me joy, that actually makes me happy, something that matters to me.
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In November of 2020, that's all I had.
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That's as far as I had gotten with just doing something each day for those 30 days for that month of November in 2020.
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And now, in November 2024, over four years later, here I am now still doing it every year for the whole month of November.
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But not only am I doing it every November, it's a way of life.
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I don't wait to November each year to do self-care, to prioritize myself, to be intentional about me, about doing the things that bring me joy, about facing my fears, about making sure I take care of myself, about making sure I fill my own cup up so I'm able to give from the overflow of my life and not giving from a place of emptiness.
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No, I'm doing it all the time, consistently.
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That is who I am now.
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That's a way of life for me.
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But it all started from me being intentional in November of 2020.
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And here we are now.
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So each year I try to do a topic, a discussion, some kind of episode around the topic of self-care during the month of November, just because that's how important it is to me.
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So sometimes I pivot a little bit from off the relationship, the marriage, the dating discussions, just to focus on self-care, just to let you into my life just a little bit, to tell you maybe what I did for my self-care that month, or maybe self-care around the holidays, or maybe a trip that I took or something around self-care and that's kind of what I tend to do each year sometime during the month of November.
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So I just wanted to give you a little context of kind of how did I get here today around a subject of self-care and kind of the topic that we're going to be discussing today, and why is this topic so important to me and why we're not going to be talking about, necessarily, relationships and marriage and dating today.
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I just wanted to give you a little background in case this is your first episode today, because I may have some new listeners today and maybe you jumped in on this subject and you're wondering how did I get on a relationship podcast and the host is talking about self-care?
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What did I find myself in today?
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So I just wanted you to know.
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This is kind of where we are.
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It's something that I do each year and how we got here, and I really hope today's episode encourages you Maybe, if you haven't been intentional about your self-care and prioritizing taking care of yourself and doing those things that bring you joy and bring happiness into your life and filling your own cup up, because that is no one's responsibilities but yours.
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That's something that I also had to learn because I have not always been good at self-care.
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Again, I told you this started in November of 2020.
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Well, I was really intentional about the self-care and going on my own journey within myself and learning how to really take care of myself and loving myself and pouring into my own cup.
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And you will learn once you begin to do those things for yourself.
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You set the standard.
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You teach people how to love you, how to treat you, how to also do those things that you require, because you already do that for yourself.
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When you learn how to show up for you, the people that come into your life, the people that are already in your life, they see the standard that you have for yourself.
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They're going to also meet that standard or they're not going to stay there alone because they already see that standard that you have set for yourself.
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So, each year, I celebrate my birthday in a big way for me anyway, because birthdays are a huge deal to me, and not just my birthday, my husband's birthday, our children's birthday.
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I always celebrate our birthdays or try to celebrate our birthdays in a major way.
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This year, for my birthday, my husband asked me if my birthday was coming around, as we usually do, because my oldest daughter's birthday is before mine in September, so usually around after her birthday, we begin to plan for my birthday.
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I begin to plan for my birthday and get my thinking cap on, like, what do you want to do this year, monique?
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Because again, I told you I'm intentional about it.
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So what do you want to do this year for your birthday?
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Well, this year, for some reason, I hadn't really thought about it and I'm mentioning this because it's important to the context of what I'm going to be sharing today about my birthday and self-care and my birthday trip and the things that I did surrounding my birthday.
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And again, this is still November now, so I'm still celebrating, but for this particular purpose of what I'm sharing, this is important.
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So I'm usually thinking about what I'm going to be doing for my birthday.
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Well, this year I really hadn't been thinking about it, like it just hadn't crossed my mind.
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So my husband begins asking me as it's getting closer and I haven't shared what I wanted for my birthday, which is not normal for me.
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I haven't shared what I wanted for my birthday.
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I hadn't shared what I wanted to do, what plans I have, who I want to get together with.
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I haven't shared anything.
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The days are just going by, the weeks are passing by and I haven't shared anything.
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So my husband says well, what do you want to do for your birthday?
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And I said I wanted to think about it.
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And a few days passed by and I said you know what I really want to do?
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A chill birthday this year.
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I really don't want much this year.
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What I really want to do is I want to see my friends for my birthday this year.
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I really don't want much this year.
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What I really want to do is I want to see my friends for my birthday this year.
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I don't want to do a lot, but I know I want to see my friends and that was the one thing that I told him.
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That was the main thing that I wanted.
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So my friends and I have this thing called the group chat and if you've been around Demo with Mo for a while, you've heard the group chat.
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You've heard them come on the podcast and be guests on the podcast as a group and as individuals.
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They've been on the on the podcast before and you heard me talk about them and reference them as the group chat.
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These are my very close friends and I lovingly reference them as the group chat because this is how we've stayed in contact over the years, even though most of everyone in my my close friend circle has moved out of the state of Mississippi where I reside, and this is how we stay in contact with one another on a consistent basis.
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So I put a message in the group chat.
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I just kind of threw it out there because, again, it's last minute.
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I haven't really put much thought into it.
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Many plans I usually plan very much in advance, especially for something like this wanting to get together, want to travel.
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I'm not a very last minute person when, especially for something like this wanting to get together, want to travel.
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I'm not a very last minute person when it comes to things like this.
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That's just not how I move.
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But again, this is something that was.
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My birthday is very near to me, very near and dear to me.
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So when I finally took time to think about what I wanted to do and being with my friends and seeing my friends was something that I really, really wanted I just threw it out there and it was one of those things.
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If they were able to do it oh, that's dope, oh that's amazing, it would make my heart full.
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I would love nothing more.
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But if they couldn't do it, that's okay, because this is last minute.
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I totally understand.
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It's no love lost.
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I know we'll get together another time and it'll be fine.
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I still be able to see them, even if we jumped on the Zoom call to sing happy birthday.
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I know that's something that they'll do.
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It's no issue, this is last minute.
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They're all married, they're all in relationships, they have families, they have kids, they have jobs, they have lives.
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It's fine.
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Like you know, I'm totally understanding all of these things, but I said, let me just throw it out there and just see, because this is something that I really would love, this is something I really want.
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I still want to cheer birthday, but if I could see my friends even if not all of them, those who are available, those who could come, those who could, for whatever reason we could figure out some way to get together, I would love nothing more.
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So I put out in the group chat you guys, my birthday's coming up.
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I would love if you guys could.
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I would love for us to be able to's coming up.
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I would love if you got.
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If you guys could.
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I would love for us to be able to get together.
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I would love to see you guys.
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You know, something like that is what I put out there.
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Well, a few of my friends text me individually, individually, them not even getting together with each other to know that they reached out to me.
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But they were like, you know, I would love to get together.
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You know, what do you have in mind, like, what is it that you want to do?
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What are you trying to do?
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Long story short.
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So, after a few texts, a few Zoom calls, a few conversations, a few reservations, a few conversations, a few reservations, we made it work.
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We figured out one friend had a direct flight.
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For another friend it would just be a couple hours drive for her, and we finally got everything booked and planned and we decided on.
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I decided on going to Houston because Houston would be a direct flight for me as well, and I wanted to make it convenient for everyone because, again, this was something that they were doing for me.
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I didn't want to inconvenience anyone.
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They were using their resources, they were using their time.
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This was something they were taking away from their spouses and their families and their own personal lives to spend time with me for my birthday.
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So I want to go back to my husband and I want to shout out my husband, because this meant a lot to me, because my husband originally he first asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday and I told him I would love to see my friends.
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We originally planned to go out of town together, he and I.
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But get out with someone in relationship, partnership, marriage, with someone who will support you and the things that you desire, the things that bring you joy, the things that fill your cup, not only the things that matter to them.
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So my husband ended up taking me out to celebrate my birthday because my birthday fell on a day that I would be out of town.
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So he ended up taking me out before I left, the day before I left, and we had an amazing time.
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We had an amazing time.
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So we went out and celebrated my birthday the day before I left and we had an amazing time.
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We had an amazing time.
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So we went out and celebrated my birthday the day before and we had a great time, and I ended up leaving the following morning and he held down a fort with our babies the whole weekend while I was gone.
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He supported me and given me what I needed to celebrate my birthday, and the reason I'm saying this is because, as the months and the weeks were leading up to my birthday, I told you guys earlier I could not figure out why I couldn't put my finger on, why I had not been thinking about it, why I had not been planning like I had always done in the years prior Planning in advance, knowing exactly what I wanted, knowing what I wanted to do, knowing who I was going to be with, putting the plans in motion.
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All of these things would have been a plan months in advance and, if not planned, I would have known exactly what I wanted to do months in advance.
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But I didn't, and I could not, for the life of me, figure out why until the week leading up to it.
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This last year has been very hard for me, very hard for me.
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There has been some things, emotionally, that have transpired in my life, that have been hard and difficult, and I won't sit here and lie in front and pretend that it hasn't been.
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It's been a very hard transition for me this past year.
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I have faced some hard things in my life that if it was not for the grace of God, if it was not for the friendships that I have and the relationships that I have in my relationship with God and the faith that I have in my husband and our family, and the community, my village, my circle.
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If it was not for these things, I don't know where I would be.
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So I'm grateful.
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Be so, I'm grateful.
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And it was the week leading up to my birthday where it was like the light came on, that it was like this past year.
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I was tired.
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It was like, if I had to describe it, it was like being in battle, being in war and you finally coming out and you're just tired that you and you finally in a place where you're not fighting anymore and don't get me wrong, being in a great place, being in a great place.
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But it's like your body is finally now resting because you're not fighting anymore, you're not at war anymore, you don't have to have a shield on for a little while.
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Your body is now, can just rest in it.
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And that's how it felt.
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If I had to describe it, that's what it felt like the last year, and even longer than a year, if I'm being completely honest like to be fighting and not like, if you are a Christian, if you are a believer.
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We are constantly at war, we are constantly in spiritual warfare.
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So I hope you understand what I'm saying.
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But it was like for over a year to be always to be unpacking something, to be working at building healthy relationships, to be working at building healthy relationships, to be not allowing unhealthy dynamics anymore.
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It's just to finally be at a place where you're not fighting anymore and your body can just you can just breathe, your body can race, and that's how I felt.
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So, getting back to the trip and I do want to say this before I dive into the trip Self-care is not always pretty.
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Self-care is not always what you see on social media.
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Self-care is becoming a better version of yourself and sometimes there's going to be some tears.
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Sometimes there's going to be some hard work.
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Sometimes there's going to be pulling yourself up out the mud.
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Sometimes there's going to be some tears.
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Sometimes that's going to be some hard work.
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Sometimes that's going to be pulling yourself up out the mud.
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Sometimes that's going to be confessing and repenting of some things that aren't right.
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Sometimes that's going to be getting rid of some negative and toxic relationships in your life.
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Sometimes that's going to be looking at yourself in the mirror and saying saying you are the unhealthy person and what can I do to become healthy?
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Self-care is not always pretty, so after being in the last year over a year being in that place, where I felt like I was fighting in the war and doing a hard, hard, dirty, grimy work of sanctification and being who God wants me to be Woo, I got on a flight heading to Houston, and I was on the flight by myself, heading to Houston from Jackson, jackson, mississippi, and I met these ladies and I do want to tell you guys I usually don't give names on my podcast and don't talk about people, but these are people that I don't know personally and because they impacted my life in such a major way, god used each one of these people to bless me tremendously.
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If it ever comes across them, if they ever hear this, I want them to personally know how God used each and every one of them to bless my life.
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So I will be using names.
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So I'm on a flight headed to Houston and when I got to the airport, the airport in Jackson was backed up tremendously.
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They literally called my flight to board to Houston twice and I was still in line, but it was so many people in line headed to Houston because this was an issue with Jackson airport.
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It was no fault of the passengers that they could not leave us.
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There were so many people that were not on the flight that they could not leave us because an issue that Jackson was having with their airport.
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Whatever their issue was, I cannot tell you, but just know that we were still in line waiting and they had called to board our flight twice.
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Okay, so by the time I made it to my flight headed to Houston and I'm getting ready to sit down, there were two beautiful women already sitting down, and I love a window seat, so I do want to say that there was a window seat available by these two beautiful women and I asked them I good morning, how are you ladies?
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Because I'm already in a great mood.
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My flight boarded at 5 20, so it was almost 6 am.
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If, yeah, it was almost 6 am and we said we exchanged our good mornings and I sat down with these two beautiful ladies, and these ladies name is Nancy and Sissy.
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Nancy was in the middle seat and Sissy was on the end and I was on the window seat.
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Well, I sit down.
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I put my earbuds in because, again, I'm by myself.
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So I just planned on being comfortable and just you know, cause this is my first flight by myself, so I didn't know what to expect, cause I'm usually talking to whoever I'm with, but again I'm by myself, so I put my earbuds in and I'm finding a good movie to watch and I'm thinking this is going to be it until I make it to Houston.
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Boy, was I wrong?
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So Nancy, who is a 75-year-old woman who does not look 75 at all, absolutely gorgeous, and she begins to talk to me and she asks me my name, where I'm from, and just questions, just you know, getting to know me and my life.
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And I began to ask her questions and get to know her and her life and it was just a breath of fresh air.
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I can't put it any other way.
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Me being who I am, I don't meet a stranger.
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I will literally talk to anyone.
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If you were to talk to my friend group, the group chat, as I refer to them, they will tell you.
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They always joke, because whenever we ride in the Uber together or we go to a restaurant or we hang out, I'm going to be the person to find out someone's life story.
00:24:44.932 --> 00:24:46.958
We will literally get in the Uber.
00:24:46.958 --> 00:25:02.378
It will start off with me asking somebody's name and by the time we're getting out of the car I will then have prayed for the driver or know their parents, known any illnesses in the family, I will know their whole life story.
00:25:02.378 --> 00:25:04.538
I mean, I just love people in that way.
00:25:04.538 --> 00:25:05.855
I cannot help it.
00:25:05.855 --> 00:25:07.131
I just cannot help it.
00:25:07.131 --> 00:25:09.755
So Nancy is the me in her friend group.
00:25:09.755 --> 00:25:10.855
I mean, I just love people in that way.
00:25:10.855 --> 00:25:11.376
I cannot help it.
00:25:11.376 --> 00:25:11.836
I just cannot help it.
00:25:11.836 --> 00:25:14.319
So Nancy is the me in her friend group.
00:25:14.339 --> 00:25:18.826
So Nancy begins to talk to me and ask me about my flight and where I'm headed.
00:25:18.826 --> 00:25:25.076
And I tell her where I'm going.
00:25:25.076 --> 00:25:27.390
And I ask her where she's going and her and Sissy are headed to Orlando.
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And I want you guys to listen to each of these details now because it's going to be very important to what I'm sharing to you.
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So my closest friend that I'm meeting that Friday because my friends are getting in at different times so my closest friend, one of my closest friends that I'm meeting at Friday, is from Orlando.
00:25:50.237 --> 00:25:58.012
Okay, the ladies on the flight that I'm with are headed to Orlando, okay.
00:25:58.012 --> 00:26:01.199
So they're telling me they're headed to Orlando.
00:26:01.199 --> 00:26:03.703
And I was like, hmm, that's cool.
00:26:03.703 --> 00:26:07.032
My friend that I'm getting ready to meet is from Orlando.
00:26:07.032 --> 00:26:13.819
And Nancy says hmm, this is my best friend, sissy.
00:26:13.819 --> 00:26:17.442
This is when she introduces me to the young lady next to her Sissy.
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She said this is my best friend and we're headed to Orlando.
00:26:20.547 --> 00:26:26.769
Ok.
00:26:26.769 --> 00:26:27.897
And I said hmm, I don't believe in coincidences, nancy.
00:26:27.897 --> 00:26:28.864
Nancy said I don't either.
00:26:28.864 --> 00:26:38.781
So I'm meeting my closest friend in Houston who's from Orlando, and these are best friends who are headed to Orlando.
00:26:38.781 --> 00:26:42.420
So we just began to talk about life and stuff.
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And then she, because this is her best friend, you know they're going to talk more and a lot because they're best friends.
00:26:48.392 --> 00:26:51.578
So they go on and start talking and have their own conversation.
00:26:51.598 --> 00:26:53.852
So I go to watch my movie on my phone.
00:26:53.852 --> 00:27:00.564
Well, nancy says uh-uh, I want to do my best to keep you off the phone.
00:27:00.564 --> 00:27:02.252
You and I gonna have a conversation.
00:27:02.252 --> 00:27:03.998
And she said I don't want to overstep.
00:27:03.998 --> 00:27:06.991
And I said Nancy, you're not overstepping at all.
00:27:06.991 --> 00:27:10.098
And I started laughing because I'm so tickled and I told her.
00:27:10.098 --> 00:27:22.433
I said if my friends were here, they would be tickled because you are the me in my friend group, because you're saying the exact same things that I would say to other people.
00:27:22.433 --> 00:27:27.083
If I was with my friends, like you, were doing the exact same thing to me.
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So I didn't get back on my phone.
00:27:34.835 --> 00:27:35.578
Me and Nancy talked about marriage.
00:27:35.578 --> 00:27:52.135
We talked about kids because she she shared with me that she didn't get married until later in life she was 40 years old when she got married and her, her husband, five years and we just shared about everything you know and she's a Christian and we just shared about everything you know and she's a christian and we just talked about everything.
00:27:52.135 --> 00:27:55.428
And she, before we got out the flight, she wished me well.
00:27:55.428 --> 00:28:11.295
She told me she hoped I have an amazing birthday and I wished her well and everything with their um trip that they were going on they were going there for a trip for their church and just wished her well and everything that she has going on.
00:28:11.295 --> 00:28:16.803
Nancy was so kind to me that whole flight.
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I mean absolutely kind to me, her and Sissy, but Nancy in particular, like just that hour flight.
00:28:26.348 --> 00:28:33.020
Nancy in particular, like just that hour flight, she blessed me.
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She doesn't even know her kindness.
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Her kindness was something special, like because I am all, I am the one usually on the other side, but to experience that kind of kindness.
