Embracing Individuality: Strengthening Your Marriage Through Mutual Support and Purpose

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what's up, guys?

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Welcome to demo with mo.

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I'm your host, monique simmons.

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We'll be discussing dating, engaged and married objectives from a young christian's perspective.

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Are you guys ready?

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Let's dive in.

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Hey, what's up, guys?

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Welcome to a new episode of Demo with Mo.

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I am your host, monique Simmons, and today we are going to be discussing are you being your full self in your marriage?

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A little while ago I heard a clip.

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It was a spouse saying they had to lay their dreams down while their partner pursued theirs, and it got me to thinking.

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When God first created man, adam, he gave him a purpose.

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Let's go to your Bibles.

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If you've been rocking with me for a little while, you know I always say go read for yourself.

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But I'm reading from the living bible translation, genesis 2, verse 15 and verse 19 the Lord God placed the man in the garden of Eden as his gardener to tend and care for it.

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That's verse 15.

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Verse 19 says so.

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The Lord God formed from the soil every kind of animal and bird and brought them to the man to see what he would call them and whatever he called them, that was their name.

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So when god created adam, which was the first man that he ever created.

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When I say man, just for those who are listening, I'm giving this disclaimer because I don't want to make an assumption I'm a sunday.

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This disclaimer because I don't want to make an assumption I'm a Sunday school teacher.

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I don't ever want to make the assumption that I'm speaking to or talking to someone that knows the Bible, has read the Bible, or I should be coming from a place that I'm speaking to.

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Everybody who's on the same level, and I mean the level of everyone knows what I'm referring to, because there may be some listeners, there may be some people who may come across this episode and have never read the Bible, and I'm glad you're here today.

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So when I refer to man, when you hear me say that in this episode, regarding when I'm talking about this specific area in the Bible that I'm referring to today, specifically in today's episode, I mean human.

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I don't specifically in today's episode.

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I mean human.

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I don't actually mean the male sex, I mean human.

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So Adam was the first man created and when God created Adam, he gave Adam a purpose.

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Adam had specific things that God wanted Adam to do after he created him First, which I told you in verse 15,.

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He would take care of the garden.

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He would tend to the garden, he would care for the garden.

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That was one of the things that he had to do.

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He also named the animals, and whatever name that he gave the animals and the birds, that would be their names.

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That's something that God had put in place.

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That was a purpose that Adam had.

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But God says it's not good for man to be alone, so he would create Adam to help him.

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Okay, so the first part of that when God created the first man, he gave Adam a purpose.

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So this is getting somewhere.

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So I want you to know I'm going to put all this together because whenever I'm talking about scripture, whenever I'm referring to the Bible, I always want it to be talked about in context.

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And this just comes from me, not only being a Sunday school teacher and this is the way I teach but also me being a Christian.

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This is the way I learn.

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I don't like when people refer to the Bible or refer to verses, but don't give me context.

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Don't give me, maybe, the verses before, the verses after.

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Who's the audience?

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Who was he speaking to?

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What was going on, why he needed to speak to these specific people?

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Like, give me context so I can really understand what's being talked about or what's being said.

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So first God created man, who's Adam, he gave him a purpose.

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And now, after he gives him this purpose, god goes on to say it's not good for man to be alone.

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So okay, so Adam has been created, adam has a purpose.

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But then God says it's not good for man to be alone.

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So this is said in Genesis 2, 18.

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And the Lord God said it isn't good for man to be alone.

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I will make a companion for him, a helper suited to his needs, and I actually love this.

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There's some verses that I like in different translations, but specifically in the living bible translation, which is my personal bible, I love how it says a helper suited to his need, and you'll understand why as I get more to this episode.

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So then, after god, who says it's not good for man to be alone, we now go on to see when he creates eve, and this is genesis 2, 21 through 23.

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Then the lord god caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, which is adam, and took one of his ribs and closed up the place from which he had removed it and made the ribbon to a woman, which is Eve, and brought her to the man.

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This is it, adam exclaimed she is part of my own bone and flesh, her name is woman because she was taken out of her man.

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Okay, so now in those verses it's explaining how God created the woman which is Eve, and he created her from Adam's body.

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So then Adam and Eve become husband and wife.

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Now they're husband and wife, and the two are joined together to make one, which is going to be very important to today's episode, and this is Genesis 2 and 24.

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So I want you all to know this is not just stuff that I'm saying and that I'm coming up with on my own.

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This is referencing the Bible, and this is why I always tell you to go back and read for yourself.

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Whenever somebody is teaching you the Bible, whenever someone is referencing the Bible, whenever someone is talking about God's word, please go read it for yourself.

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Genesis 2 and 24 says this explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife in such a way that the two become one person.

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So God created man.

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He gave him a purpose.

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God then says it's not good for man to be alone, so he created a woman, eve.

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The two got married and the two are not just two individuals now even though you're still an individual person when you get married but instead of just being two, you join together in such a way that you're now becoming one, meaning you complete each other.

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You should be better off together.

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I make you better, you make me better.

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We should be beneficial to one another.

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We should be better off together than we were separately.

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The two are now one.

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Okay, so what does this have to do with showing up as your full self, you say, because I'm sure you wonder.

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Like okay, monique, you just gave me all these verses and for those who may not read the Bible or may not be of the Christian faith, you may be like okay, you know, I listen to all this.

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What does this have to do with showing up with your full self?

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All right, let's get into it.

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What does this have to do with showing up with your full self?

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All right, let's get into it.

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What does this have to do with showing up with your full self when you get married?

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Who you were as a single person shouldn't be forgotten about or left behind.

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Your dreams, your goals, your hopes, your desires, your aspirations for your life can they change?

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Yes, can you readjust?

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For sure.

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But once we get married, our spouses are to help us, support us and encourage us to become the best versions of ourselves.

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If a dream is going on the shelf temporarily, it's because it's been mutually agreed upon for this season of life that we're in and that it would be beneficial to us, for us, and that it would be beneficial for us as a whole, not because one spouse is living out their dreams and other spouses sacrifice theirs to watch the other.

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To show up as your full self in a marriage, you have to remember you're more than just a spouse, just a parent, just a homemaker, just a chauffeur, just a cook, just a dot dot dot, because you could fill that in with so many other things.

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There are so many of us around the world who are doing all sorts of different things.

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As a spouse, as a parent, we have so many different roles in our homes that we took up For a lot of people.

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We got married, we said our due, we jumped the broom, we did all of the things and we did all of the things.

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And as we did all of these things, for some part of us was left behind, some of us was let go.

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Some of us was forgotten about.

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But that's not what marriage should be.

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It should be about two individuals coming together to make one another better, to help one another live out to their fullest potential.

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I want to help my husband live out all his greatest dreams, if it's according to God's will.

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Now I'm not just going to sit out here and say I just want him to be out here living willy-nilly.

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That's not what I'm saying.

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But if my husband has dreams and desires and things that he wants to see come to fruition in his life and when I'm saying this I don't want you guys to see this and think about money and necessarily the only things of this world what you may consider to be success may not be success to someone else.

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So you and your spouse have to talk about that and discuss that and figure out what is success for you.

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And that's something that I've learned.

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I've learned so many things because my husband and I got married at such a young age, at 21.

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I've learned so many things along the way.

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What I thought was success back then, in those younger years of my life, at 36, a lot of those things not even on my list and I honestly would say probably majority of those things are on my list of what I consider success now.

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So my conversation back then would look completely different from my conversation now.

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What I consider to be success is so much different now.

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I think about my family.

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I think about my relationship with God, my faith, my village, my friendship, my stewardship, what I'm going to teach my children, my legacy, my children when they have their own relationship with Christ and being able to say I saw my mom live out her faith.

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I wanted to know God because of my mom's relationship with God.

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Being able to say how my mom lived out her faith, I wanted to know God because of my mom's relationship with God, because she walked this thing out and she lived it out in our household every day.

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Those are the things that I count as success.

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People who I've met along the way being inspired by me because of my walk with God, or people being able to say they, they were encouraged by my relationship with my husband and being able to say I remember you know they got married so young and and how God changed the whole trajectory of their life like that.

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That is success to me, but I wouldn't have been able to verbalize any of that at 21.

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That wasn't even on my radar.

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A lot of those things wasn't even on my radar.

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What I'm saying is being able to talk with your spouse and see how can you guys help one another live out your wildest dreams and be at your full potential.

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How can I help you become your best self, the best version of who you are, who God wants you to be, because sometimes we need that.

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That's why God said Adam needed a help me.

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He made him a helper suited to his need, because what I may need may not be what you need, or what my husband need might not be what your husband need.

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And that's the beautiful thing about marriage.

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God is so intentional and so personal and so loving and so kind.

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In that way, in so many marriages we usually marry our opposites.

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We usually marry the person who lacks something that we thrive in, and they thrive at something we lack it, because that's how God created it.

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We balance one another, we complete one another.

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But if you don't look at it like that which I didn't in the beginning of my marriage, because you know, you live and you learn, but when you don't look at it like that, you see that as an issue.

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Why is my partner not like me?

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Why they don't see things like me, why we can't agree?

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But God didn't make us like that.

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He purposely made us different.

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We are to complete and complement one another.

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We are not to be the same.

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If you've been feeling like you've lost a part of yourself you don't recognize the guy or woman looking back at you in the mirror get with your spouse and go to the drawing board, have a conversation and figure out how can you guys get on the same page about this conversation and figure out how can you guys get on the same page about this.

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Is this something that you've been wanting to do, desiring to do?

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And maybe you sacrificed it.

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And maybe it was a sacrifice on your own.

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You made the decision.

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It wasn't because of your spouse, it wasn't because of your children.

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Maybe you thought this is what was best for your family, but you made that decision on your own and now you have regret.

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Now you're seeing your spouse live out their dreams and do the things that make them happy and you're wondering why you had to give up on the things that you love.

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Or maybe you did have a conversation with your spouse and you guys once said that wasn't what was best for the family at the time.

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But but now you're in a better season.

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You're in a different season.

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Maybe the kids are older, maybe the kids are in school, maybe you're an empty nester and you need to go back to the drawing board, because things don't have to stay the same.

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We are constantly changing, the seasons are constantly changing, we are growing, we are evolving.

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Go back to the drawing board.

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What once worked may not work anymore.

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What was once good for the marriage may not be good for the marriage anymore.

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What was once best for the family may not be best for the family anymore.

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What once worked for you may not work for you anymore.

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Go back to the drawing board but be together.

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Let this draw you together and not tear you apart, because your spouse is supposed to help you fulfill your purpose.

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They're supposed to help you become the best version of yourself, to help you become your fullest potential.

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You're supposed to do you become the best version of yourself, to help you become your fullest potential.

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You're supposed to do that together, not separate.

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When God created Adam before Eve ever stepped on the scene, he gave him a purpose.

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His wife would help him to fulfill his purpose, and vice versa, because Eve had a purpose too.

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The same goes for us, and vice versa, because Eve had a purpose too, the same goes for us.

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God has given each one of us a purpose for our lives, and the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with is supposed to help you accomplish that here on earth.

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This is why who you say I do to is so important.

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This is more than just a piece of paper, as some people like to say.

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This is a covenant agreement.

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This is purpose.

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This is generations to come after you.

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This decision will affect your children, your children's children and those to come.

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I hope today's episode has helped you.

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Wherever you are today, share it with someone you love, someone you think it would help someone you think it would encourage.

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It will bless friend, family, co-worker, even your spouse, even your spouse.

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I think this would be a beautiful episode to share with your spouse.

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If you're not already, follow me on TikTok and Facebook at Demo with Mo and on Instagram at Demo with Mo Podcast, and remember I love you, but God loves you so much more.

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I'll see you guys next week.

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Bye, I hope you guys have enjoyed.

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Follow me on Facebook at Demo with Mo.

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If you have any questions you would like answered here live on my podcast, email them to me at demowithmo at gmailcom.

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That's D-E-M-O-W-I-T-H-M-O at gmailcom.