March 12, 2025
Burnout in Relationships
Feeling drained in your relationship? You're not alone. This episode explores the often-overlooked phenomenon of relationship burnout among Christian couples and offers practical wisdom for reconnection.
After sharing a vulnerable update about her own journey of self-discovery, Monique dives into what relationship burnout actually looks like. Beyond just feeling tired, burnout manifests as emotional exhaustion and negativity that can slowly erode even the strongest partnerships. Through clear explanations of symptoms like frequent arguments, lack of motivation for couple activities, and growing emotional distance, listeners gain tools to recognize warning signs in their own relationships.
The episode unpacks five core causes of relationship burnout: unresolved conflict, poor communication, mismatched expectations, external stressors, and perhaps most critically, lack of self-care. With characteristic authenticity, Monique emphasizes that maintaining personal boundaries and prioritizing self-care isn't selfish—it's essential for showing up as your best self in relationships. "Nobody benefits from you being the worst version of yourself," she reminds listeners, challenging the common narrative that caring for oneself comes at the expense of caring for others.
What sets this conversation apart is the balance of compassionate understanding with actionable strategies. From establishing healthy communication patterns to seeking couples therapy and intentionally rekindling intimacy through quality time, each recommendation feels accessible. Monique's personal testimony about the benefits of therapy in her own marriage adds credibility to her guidance.
Ready to revitalize your relationship? Join our community on social media and share which self-care practice you and your partner commit to implementing this month!
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Chapters
00:00 - Personal Update and Transparency
09:42 - Understanding Relationship Burnout
12:53 - Key Symptoms of Relationship Burnout
17:37 - Common Causes of Relationship Burnout
26:14 - Strategies to Address Burnout
27:36 - Closing Thoughts and Call to Action
Transcript
WEBVTT
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what's up, guys?
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Welcome to demo with mo.
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I'm your host, monique simmons.
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We'll be discussing dating, engaged and married objectives from a young christian's perspective.
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Are you guys ready?
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Let's dive in.
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Hey, what's up, guys?
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Welcome to a new episode of Demo with Mo.
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I am your host, monique Simmons.
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On today's episode, we will be discussing burnout in relationships.
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If you are listening to this live, we have not had an episode, a new episode, in about three weeks, and I'm starting off the episode this week before I jump right into the content of today's episode.
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I'm starting out today's episode this way because I want to be completely transparent and honest with you guys.
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Since I've started Demo with Mo, unless we're on a season break, I try my best to be consistent with the episodes.
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I release a new episode weekly every Thursday, unless I'm on a season break.
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I have consistently done that since I've been out with this podcast, unless, for some reason, there were some things going on out of my control.
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This time there was no season break.
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I just personally decided to take a moment for myself.
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That's me being transparent and me actually being vulnerable with you guys, and I'm saying this because that has been the foundation and something that I've built this podcast off of.
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I've never wanted to present myself in any other way.
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I pride myself in being that way.
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If I'm being completely honest, I always try to portray myself to be who I actually am.
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Behind this mic, behind closed doors, when no one's around, when there's an audience, I pride myself in actually being who I say I am.
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I always try to encourage you guys, my listeners, those of you who've been rocking with me from the very beginning, and even those of you this may be your first experience of me I've always tried to encourage feel what you're feeling, listen to your body, practice self-care, to your body, practice self-care.
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And as I'm sharing these things, as I'm personally living them and learning them myself, and you guys who've been with me for a while, you know that I'm in individual therapy, I'm in couples therapy, so I'm not saying things to you from a person who's not actually trying to live them and grow and learn myself.
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I'm not doing it and I don't ever try to share an experience from that way.
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I mean, I know there are people out there who do that and give information that way because they've studied, they went to school, they have the degrees, they have the.
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You know, they have that wealth of knowledge.
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That's not the perspective that I share from.
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I share is I'm learning and experiencing and growing and living it myself.
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I'm not going to share anything that I'm actually not trying to live out myself.
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And the reason that I'm saying this is because, as you guys know those of you who've been with me for a while and for those of you who don't know, I encourage you to go back and listen to some podcast episodes and kind of gain some insight and context of what I'm sharing.
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Last year, in 2024, I shared an episode.
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It was August 8th of 2024 when this episode was released.
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It was called Uncovering Truths A Journey of Paternity and Healing, and it was a season finale of where I was interviewed by a friend and we were talking about me finding out my dad who raised me, finding out he was not my biological father, finding out that year.
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We knew it was a chance and I won't get into all of that.
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We knew I found out at 19,.
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He and I found out when I was 19 from my mom that he may not be my biological father, from my mom that he may not be my biological father.
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But after years of that being up in the air.
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I decided myself to go down the road of finding out and last year 2024, I finally asked him to do the DNA test and we did and we found out that he was not my biological father.
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So the end of last year I decided for my birthday that I was going to do Ancestry DNA and to go down the road of confirming the man that my mom said was my biological father.
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Well, since November of last year, which is my birthday, up until now I have been going through that journey of finding out that information and I won't get into all of that right now.
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I have been going through that journey of finding out that information and I won't get into all of that right now because I am not ready to share and talk about any of that.
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But I will say just some things.
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As I'm going along this journey, it's a lot of things that I'm processing, a lot of emotions that I'm processing, a lot of things that I'm allowing my body to feel, and I took a moment, the past three weeks, of allowing myself to really feel those things and work through those things.
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And, if I'm being honest, I still am, you know, talking through things with my therapist praying about a lot of things seeking out and reaching out to certain people about this information and all of those things.
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It's a lot that goes into this journey If anybody has ever experienced this or know someone who has experienced this.
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It's not easy and and it can be a lot.
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So I just took a moment, a moment to just like actually live it and be in it and experience it.
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Because one of the things before I started individual therapy a couple of years ago and I see an EFT therapist, which is an emotionally focused therapist who teaches you how to actually feel what you're feeling and actually what's going on with your body and to notice and pay attention, and that's something that I didn't know how to do before going into therapy.
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I could talk about what was going on in my life, but to actually take a moment to experience it and to feel it and not rush past it and move on to the next thing and cover it up by putting a lot of things on my plate and just being overwhelmed and just to not actually feel my emotions, that was something new to me.
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So, because I'm actually living it out and doing the work, I actually took that moment for myself to feel what was going on in my life and to take the time I needed for myself.
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So I took a long time to explain to you exactly what has been going on for the last three weeks, cause I know if you're, especially if you are a faithful listener, if you're anything like I am I am an avid podcast listener.
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I listen to podcasts more than I listen to music.
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So when my people that I rock with like that, when it's not a new episode, I'm looking, I'm like where are you?
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Or like where's some information and update, like something going on?
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I know it's not a season break right now Like what happened.
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Like I'm looking on their social media platforms like what's going on?
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Like where's the new episode?
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So, for those of you who may be wondering, that's what's been going on.
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So you know, demo with Mo is still here.
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We're still rocking.
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But I just wanted to give you an update.
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I didn't want to just come in and I just like I deal with relationships in my real life, in my own personal life.
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I don't want to just come in and act like I haven't been missing for three weeks, moving on as if nothing happened, like I haven't been missing in action, and just go on to the next thing, like girl, where you been at.
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So I wanted to address that and let you guys know, like I haven't been here in three weeks and this is why I haven't been here in three weeks, but not to just move on as if it was nothing For some of you.
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You know you may have other podcasts that you listen to, you may be new here, you may just happen to come across this podcast today and you may didn't need any of that information.
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I just shared with you and you're like girl, what you talking about, but some of you who's been here for a while and wondering where a new episode was, that information was useful to you and you probably appreciate it.
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So, without further ado, let's go ahead and jump into today's episode Burnout in relationships.
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What is burnout?
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Burnout is a state of emotional exhaustion and negativity within a romantic partnership, often caused by a combination of factors like unresolved conflicts, poor communication, lack of intimacy, external stressors and a feeling of stagnation, leading to feelings of resentment and a decreased desire to spend time with your partner Essentially, feeling drained and disengaged from the relationship.
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Oh, that was a lot, but that was some good information.
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I hope you pause, rewind, do what you need to do, but really grasp what burnout means when it comes to being in a relationship and can you relate.
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Have you ever experienced it?
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Are you currently experienced it?
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Are you currently experiencing it?
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Is your partner or your spouse currently experiencing it?
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Maybe this is something you guys need to talk about, a question you need to ask one another Key points about relationship burnout.
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These are some symptoms.
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So if you're experiencing any of these things, this may be a sign that you're experiencing burnout in your relationship frequent arguments, lack of motivation to plan activities together, difficulty expressing positive feelings, irritability, boredom and a sense of distance.
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So listening to those.
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Are you experiencing any of these symptoms?
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Because you may hear the title or the topic burnout in relationships and you may automatically cancel yourself out.
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Oh no, me and my partner aren't experiencing this.
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I'm not experiencing this.
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My partner isn't experiencing this.
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But I want you to listen to those symptoms.
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Are we having any of those?
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Is my partner experiencing any of those?
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Do I see this in them?
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Do I see this in myself?
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Do I feel emotionally drained after spending time with them?
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Are we having a lot more arguments than we used to?
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Is there a lack of motivation to plan activities together?
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When is the last time we had a date night?
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Or when we do have a date night, is it forced?
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Are we arguing about who's on scheduling?
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Why are you on scheduling, why I got to schedule it?
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Do you have a difficult time expressing and positive feelings affirming one another, or is always criticizing, putting down, pointing out the negative things?
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Do you have any of these symptoms?
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Next, we're going to talk about the causes.
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One unresolved conflict, not addressing issues openly and effectively.
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So that's kind of what I mentioned earlier when I even opened up the episode like to come here and act as if nothing happened, like I hadn't been missing, and to move on just with the episode and not say anything.
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That's kind of how that happens, when you know there's an issue but you move on with life as usual.
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Do y'all do that?
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Because that's not okay.
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That's unresolved conflict.
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If we know there's been an issue between us, something isn't right between us, we can't move on like nothing happened.
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That's unresolved, and the more that begins to happen, the more that begins to pile up, the more we let things be unresolved.
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You're going to be looking at burnout.
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Number two poor communication.
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Lack of honest and open dialogue about needs and concerns.
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You need help around the house.
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You want to talk about finances.
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You feel like you guys aren't going on dates often enough, you having issues with your in-laws or extended families.
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You feel like somebody's working too much or not working enough.
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You want to have sex more often or sex less.
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Like you have needs, desires, concerns, but you're not talking about it.
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The need is still there, the desire is still there, but you're not having open, honest dialogue about it and resentment is going to build up.
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Resentment for one another is going to build up.
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Number three unequal expectations.
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When partners have vastly different needs or expectations from the relationship.
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Maybe one of you expected bills to be split 50-50, but the other thought one partner was going to pay the bills 100%.
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Or maybe somebody thought the kids would be raised one way and the other partner thought something completely different.
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Maybe one partner thought holidays would be spent with one side of the family and the other partner thought we would spend our holidays together as a family and not with extended family.
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Like you, guys have vastly different needs or expectations from the relationship, but you're not talking about it or coming to a compromise or an agreement about it.
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Number four external stressors Work, stress, financial worries or major life changes impacting the relationships.
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So sometimes the causes don't even have to be from the relationship, it doesn't even have to be you guys.
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It can be things outside of the home, outside of the relationship, outside of the marriage that's impacting you guys.
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Like I said, stress from work Maybe you guys are overwhelmed.
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You have a new promotion, maybe you've lost some employees.
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Maybe you're wanting to be up for a promotion.
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You're working multiple jobs.
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You're worried about losing your job.
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Maybe you're taking care of elderly parents, you're having issues with ministry.
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It can be so many things outside of the home that can affect what's going on in the home.
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Because you guys are in relationship with one another, you're married, it's easy, because you're experiencing burnout and stress and overwhelm outside the home, that the burnout will then, in return, affect inside the home, inside the relationship.
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Number five, last one lack of self-care.
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This was one of my favorite ones because I promote self-care so heavily, because I really believe it's so.
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I think people talk about self-care so much but people truly are not practicing self-care.
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This one says not taking time for personal needs and activities.
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A lot of people experience burnout because they are not taking care of themselves.
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What are your personal needs?
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What activities or hobbies do you have for yourself outside of your home, outside of your relationship?
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Like, how do you pour into yourself?
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And then, when you don't pour into yourself, the main reasons why you hear a lot of people saying they don't is because I got to take care of everybody else.
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I don't have time.
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You know it feels selfish, like it's so many reasons regarding to other people of why they don't take care of themselves, and what will end up happening is the same people that they're using as the excuse of not taking care of themselves.
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They will end up resenting that they don't take care of themselves.
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You have to make the time to take care of yourself.
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The more you take care of you, the more you pour into your cup, the better your relationships will be, the better your marriages will be, because you will show up as the best version of yourself.
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It's not selfish.
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It's not selfish because to be selfish means the only person benefiting is you.
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The only person you care about is you.
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Everybody benefits of you being the best version of yourself.
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No one benefits of you depleting yourself, you being the worst version of yourself.
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Nobody benefits off of that.
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You should be encouraging your partner or your spouse.
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Please take care of yourself, please do for yourself, please find a hobby, please find something that you love and go do it.
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You should be encouraging that, supporting that, wanting that, loving that, because they're going to be the best version of themselves and you get the benefit off of that.
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All righty, now let's get into how to address it.
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So we talked about burnout, what burnout is.
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We talked about the symptoms, what it looks like.
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We talked about the causes of why you experiencing burnout.
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Well, how now do we address it?
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What do we do?
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Because it's not the end, all be all.
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Burnout is you're just tired, you're overwhelmed.
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It's something you can do about that, though.
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Number one open communication.
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Express your feelings honestly and actively.
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Listen to your partner.
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So you remember earlier it talked about one of the causes is not communicating.
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So the opposite of that would be to communicate.
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Express your feelings.
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Not only express them, but express them honestly and actively.
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Sometimes one of our feelings may get hurt, but I need to be honest honest in love Now, not honest to purposely hurt anyone, but I need to be honest with the intention of I love my partner, I love my spouse and I want the best for our relationship.
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So I'm I'm expressing my feelings honestly and actively and actively listen to your partner.
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So not only are you expressing your feelings honestly, but you want to actively listen to your partner.
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So it's not one-sided I'm expressing to them and I want them to be able to express to me, and also, when they're expressing, I have to be able to listen.
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I can't get defensive.
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I can't put a wall up I can't shut down, because it's something I don't like, something.
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I can't put a wall up I can't shut down because it's something I don't like, something.
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I don't want to hear, something that tells me something about myself that I may have to change.
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I may have to check at the door.
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I got to be willing to listen.
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Number two set boundaries.
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Establish healthy limits and personal space.
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It is healthy to have boundaries in your relationship.
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I'm going to say it again it is healthy to have boundaries in your relationship.
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And boundaries is not you telling what somebody else can or cannot do, because we cannot control anyone but ourselves.
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Boundaries are what you will participate in.
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I won't sit around if you're going to disrespect me or talk to me in that way.
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You can't make a person stop talking to you that way, but you don't have to stay in the room and hear it or listen to it or participate.
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You can leave.
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If you will continue to talk to me like that, I'll leave.
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I won't allow you to talk to me like that and I remain here and participate in it.
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Your boundaries is what you will do.
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That's what boundaries are, because you can't change anybody or make them do or not do something.
00:22:21.075 --> 00:22:21.230
What your boundaries is what you will do.
00:22:21.230 --> 00:22:24.203
That's what boundaries are, because you can't change anybody or make them do or not do something.
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But your boundaries is for you.
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Three seek personal help.
00:22:29.499 --> 00:22:37.500
Couples therapy can be beneficial to address underlying issues and improve communication skills.
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Couples therapy y'all already know how I feel about couples therapy.
00:22:41.696 --> 00:22:54.801
I encourage it, I advocate for it, I promote it, I believe in it, especially when you find one that both partners agree on, one that both like.
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I don't, if one partner that is not comfortable is not open to it.
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If you find one and you guys are both not on board about this therapist, it won't work.
00:23:06.737 --> 00:23:14.521
But if you find one that you both like, that you both enjoy, that you both feel comfortable with, therapy, is a great tool, man.
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It's one of the best things that my husband and I did for our marriage and I highly encourage it that my husband and I did for our marriage and I highly encourage you.
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Sometimes you need third parties.
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Sometimes you need that person that's unbiased.
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You need the tools, you need the help.
00:23:28.506 --> 00:23:39.832
You need that person that has the resources that can give you those that can help you with those underlying issues, those things that you didn't even know that were there, like that.
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You were blind to that you guys have been dealing with and didn't even realize you were dealing with they.
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Just they have the tools that can help you with that and sometimes you need that.
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Number four practice self-care.
00:23:52.275 --> 00:23:53.738
They're going to self-care again.
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Prioritize activities that you that bring you joy and relaxation.
00:24:00.435 --> 00:24:02.580
I don't even have to dig into that one more.
00:24:02.580 --> 00:24:03.163
Y'all got it.
00:24:03.163 --> 00:24:04.836
I think y'all got it with the self-care.
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It's another one to hear it, to understand.
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It's a totally different ball game to practice it.
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Now you got to put it into play.
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What you going to do.
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That's my challenge for you.
00:24:15.317 --> 00:24:23.369
What's one self-care practice you can begin to do, even if it's just once a month, you and your partner or spouse?
00:24:23.369 --> 00:24:26.559
I encourage you guys to challenge one another.
00:24:26.559 --> 00:24:33.923
What's one self-care practice you guys can begin to do at least once a month?
00:24:33.923 --> 00:24:35.655
I would love to know about it.
00:24:35.655 --> 00:24:45.531
You guys can email me at demowithmoe at gmailcom, can email me at demo with mo at gmailcom.
00:24:45.531 --> 00:24:49.663
Wherever you listening to this, it has send a text right above in the show notes and you can send me a text and let me know.
00:24:49.663 --> 00:24:54.298
I would love to know if you're going to participate and you're going to talk with your partner, your spouse.
00:24:54.298 --> 00:24:58.958
If you're not currently practicing self-care, I would love to know.
00:24:58.958 --> 00:25:09.070
And if you are currently practicing self-care, let me know.
00:25:09.070 --> 00:25:12.257
And today, as I'm recording this episode, I usually record these episodes on my self-care day.
00:25:12.257 --> 00:25:13.460
Every Monday is my self-care day.
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So this is a lifestyle for me.
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